Still Into You
by Im.Just.Like.Me
Summary: She thought if she could box up all his belongings and never see his face again she could pretend as if he never existed, that they never were anything because he wasn't anybody. But that isn't going to be so easy anymore if he is back in town and she has to remember that at one time he meant everything. Spoby. Mentions of Haleb, etc. No A. AU-ish. After college.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello. Welcome to Still Into You.**

**I normally write for HSM (don't let that turn you off my writing!) but have lost inspiration lately and got obsessed with PLL and Spoby (and Haleb) and couldn't get the idea of this out of my mind.**

**Anywho, my name is Kay and I am a Creative Writing major in college - going into my senior year next year! Woot! **

**Summary: **She thought if she could box up all his belongings and never see his face again she could pretend as if he never existed, that they never were anything because he wasn't anybody. But that isn't going to be so easy anymore if he is back in town and she has to remember that at one time he meant everything. Spoby. Mentions of Haleb, etc. No A. AU-ish.

There is no A and I am unsure of how Alison is going to fit it in just yet. The gang has graduated from college as well.

**Review please! I want to know how this is hitting the readers and if you have any suggestions or questions I will reply to them!**

* * *

"Spencer!" her best friend called from the living room where she continued to flip through the channels to find something to pique her interest. "Hurry up! You know I love to watch the previews, it's the only part of the movie I can talk through that you don't give me the Spencer Hastings death look," she mumbled on.

"I heard that!" Spencer replied loudly from the bedroom. "And I do not have that look! I just like to hear the movie rather than you go on about how sexy or fugly you find the people in it," she grunted as she tried to find the shirt she had in mind to wear.

She was Spencer freakin' Hastings, her bedroom was organized. Everything had its place and was almost always in that place. So where was this damn shirt?

"Hanna! Did you mess with my clothes again?" she questioned, her eyebrows scrunching together.

"No, last time I tried to hide all your gross business appropriate attire you didn't talk to me for a week, remember?" Hannah answered, entering the bedroom. "That was the same week that Caleb and I had that huge fight about college and I needed my best friend so I came over and-"

"And we organized my closet together and I let you throw away three pieces of clothing to make you feel better," Spencer finished in a breathy voice.

Hanna nodded with a smile. "Yep. And I still tease you about owning a blazer with shoulder pads. _Should pads_! The nineties were over like ten years ago, Spencer, and you had something that sported shoulder pads!"

"The nineties were over more than ten years ago, Han," Spencer reminded her with a laugh.

"Well, yeah, but you have to remember the overlap years. The nineties don't end as soon as the clock struck midnight, there has to be some time where the ugly 'do's become don'ts and people still need to stop talking about Mariah Carey, okay?" Hanna informed her, causing Spencer to laugh. "What is so important about this damn shirt anyways? Just throw something on, we're just going to the movies and the Grille after."

Spencer sighed. "Fine, I'll be right out," she agreed and went to her dresser to grab something cute, yet casual. In a hurry or not she wouldn't hear the end of it is she wore something horrible or unmatching to the movies with her blonde best friend.

Upon opening the drawer she found it was stuck and would barely open halfway. "What?" she mumbled to herself and reached under to find the problem. She found the snag to be a shirt and so she tugged it out with force that caused her to go tumbling backwards. She expected more of a fight.

She held up the man's gray V-neck t-shirt with wide eyes. That wasn't supposed to be there. It wasn't supposed to be anything and things like this weren't supposed to happen. She did a police-like ransacking of her apartment so things like this would not happen.

But still her mind drifted to a memory of the shirt and the man who once owned it.

_"Okay, you stand there and I will move over here," Toby insisted as he jogged backwards in front of her to his assigned spot in the grass. "And on the count of three you run, alright?"_

"_Why are we even doing this again?" Spencer couldn't help but laugh with her arms crossed over her chest._

_When her boyfriend barged into her apartment earlier this afternoon and threw her over his shoulder she wasn't able to put up much of a fight to whatever he was planning. That meant she was left to wear her "fat jeans" as Hanna called them and her boyfriend's gray V-neck t-shirt. It was comfy and she loved wearing his shirts. It provided a source of comfort to her when he was not around. She had never told him that, but was sure he was aware since different shirts disappeared and others took their place like some sort of magic act now and again, but neither would say a word about it. He knew her better than she knew herself, so it wouldn't be a surprise if he knew this before she did._

_What did know was that it was one of her best friends who put out the distress call to him—telling him how she was overdoing it with finals so he took things into his own hands, literally, to make her relax._

_"Because you need to try and have fun. Now c'mon, let's do this thing!" he stated with a clap of his hands and opened his arms for her._

_With a shake of her head she took off running and he attempted to do the lift in Dirty Dancing, but just like in the movie the two fell backwards in a messy heap of limbs. She couldn't help but laugh hysterically as he sat up with a grin._

_"And here I thought you were more built than Patrick Swayze," she teased and ran a hand through his hair, getting a stray twig out._

_"I am, you're just less coordinated than Baby," he insisted and she chuckled._

_"You know us Hastings; if there isn't a reason for it we don't do it. The most I can do of this kind of stuff is dance in a circle like at prom," she reminded him._

_Toby smiled, his blue eyes brighter than ever. "Well, we Cavanaugh's do this thing called fun. I hear all the cool kids are doing it," he stated._

_"That's why I love you. You make me have fun," she whispered and pressed their lips together. "Like a Cavanaugh," she added, barely audible between kisses, but was certain he heard. She knew he had when he grinned into the kiss._

_In Toby's "no buts" attitude this morning she wasn't able to do something to her hair so it was left in a high, sloppy ponytail with her face free of makeup. She had always felt self-conscious about leaving without looking decent, at least by Hastings standards before Toby. There were so many things she didn't do before Toby._

_She was lucky to call him her boyfriend and best friend. And maybe one day not too far into the future she would be able to call him more than that._

"Spencer! Come ON!" Hanna ordered authoritatively as she entered the room, but stopped when she saw what Spencer was holding. "Is that-?"

"Nothing," Spencer answered balling up the shirt in her hands before tossing it into her open closet and then reached into the open drawer to pull out a long, comfortable t-shirt. Hanna just stared at her quietly as she watched her tug on her black ankle boots and then toss her bag over her shoulder. "Hanna, it was nothing. I thought you were in a hurry to get this movie?"

Hanna nodded. "I am, I just- you're okay?"

"Hanna, I'm fine, but I do want to see this movie, so let's go," Spencer insisted before waving her hand for her friend to get moving.

"Okay, okay," Hanna mumbled and made way for her friend to lead, knowing that the t-shirt was not nothing and could never be, no matter how much Spencer convinced herself otherwise.

-:-:-:-

Spencer didn't pay any attention to the movie. How could she? Hanna was texting every other minute and pretending that it didn't bother her what so ever. If there were two things Spencer Hastings hated during a movie it was people talking and texting through it.

She liked focusing on the film, the plot points, the possible foreshadowing, getting caught up in the movie magic, those sorts of things. And she couldn't do that with people breaking her concentration.

One would think that she had an amazing concentration because of how she excelled in her school work, chosen athletics, and numerous clubs, and now her job, and to a certain point she could. But not today.

And it didn't help that ever since they got to the Grille more than ten minutes ago Hanna excused herself to answer a phone call to Caleb. And Spencer could tell they were fighting by the hand gestures Hanna was making. She was always very active in her hand gestures.

The waitress had been over twice and was about to make her third attempt at getting something out of Spencer, something more than a water at least, and it annoyed her to no end. How was she supposed to order without Hanna? They almost always shared an appetizer and usually ended up sharing their entrees as well. They both suffered from food envy and ate more off the other's plate than their own. It was why they were the best dinner dates for one another, neither got annoyed at the over-sharing.

Caleb hated it; it was why he usually ordered something she didn't like so he could eat his all on his own. He said he would rather be full and get an earful than hungry and annoyed which would cause a larger fight and an even bigger earful.

Toby used to- no. She was not going to go there. She had been doing so well. It had been months since her last slip up and she refused to cry into a pint of ice cream and ignore the world for a few days. She was stronger than that now. Finding an old t-shirt that was probably stuck behind the over-stuffed drawer was noting going to cause her to come tumbling down.

She could eat at the Grille and remember how he never was annoyed with her food envy. How he used to ask her what she was thinking of ordering and would often pick one of the two things she was considering so she never had to make up her mind. He was never picky so it worked both ways. They could eat off each other's plates.

Thinking about it was okay, wasn't it?

The pit of her stomach thought different as she felt a deep, agonizing hole began to open up, ready to suck in all her positivity and only leave the despair.

She sucked in a deep breath, hoping not to feed the angry monster that often dwelled in her stomach, but it only caused her heart to drop.

Why couldn't she be over this? It had been two years, two years since he walked out of her life, out of Rosewood, and he still had the ability to make or break her day like he did when he was part of her life. Only the days she didn't think of him were the ones that were good. Any thought of him sent her spiraling into a bad day. And it seemed that was going to be today.

"Dammit," she said under her breath. Something as small as a stupid fucking shirt could do this to her and it was so disappointing.

At least last time her reason was acceptable. She knocked over the box on her closet. It was something her friends had dubbed Pandora's Box because it had the ability to wreak havoc on Spencer's life. She knocked the box over, sending everything to clatter to the floor in a messy heap. Pictures, letters, keepsakes, and other mementos went splattering to the floor causing Spencer to admit he existed and the wound she had been trying to nurse back to health split open as if everything happened mere days before.

"Okay, sorry, but he is an absolute idiot and if he shows up here you're gonna have to hold me back because I don't know if I have the restraint right now," Hanna said, sitting in her seat and immediately opened her menu.

Spencer cleared her throat. "Um, its fine, I was just thinking can we get this to go? I'm kind of tired and would rather get home sooner than later."

Hanna closer the menu and examined her friend. "Are you feeling alright?" she asked, pretending as if she was asking out of mere curiosity.

"I'm fine, Han, I'm just not feeling being out right now," Spencer assured her, or at least tried to.

She nodded. "Okay, Spencer, I am going to ask you again and you're not going to lie this time. How are you feeling?" Hanna questioned.

"Hanna, I'm not-" she stopped at the look on Hanna's face. "I feel like shit and I just want to go to sleep and end this day so I can start fresh tomorrow," she told her.

"Spencer, I know-"

She shook her head. "Hanna, I am not going to fall apart. It was just a shirt. I just want to go to sleep and hope for the best for tomorrow," she cut her off. "I swear, if I start to break I'll call you and you can send in the troops," she promised.

Hanna seemed satisfied and nodded. "Let's hurry up and order it so we can leave before Caleb shows up. I know he is going to try and grovel and I don't want to hear any of it," she stated.

Spencer smiled. She was glad she spent the night with Hanna, had it been Emily or Aria they probably wouldn't have believed that she was alright. It wasn't that Hanna was stupid, she wasn't, but she thought more of Spencer than she was. It was a nice feeling for her friend to think so much of her and it also helped in these types of situations where she was lying through her teeth to get home to could fall apart alone.

She wondered if there was some type of process she could go through. A process that in the end wouldn't cause her to go spiraling out of control at the mere thought of him.

The process, she supposed, was the grieving process. Those five stages she was certain she went through numerous times and then finally when she hit acceptance she dove right into the sixth stage—reversing time. He didn't exist; they were never friends or best friends or lovers. She put herself back in the mindset that nothing ever happened, they never stayed at that motel together to get away from their families, they never shared a first kiss, he never took her virginity because he was not a real person.

And she stuck to that notion for the last two years. She was able to get through the day to day because her heart was never broken. She was able to put it back together so well that sometimes she could even fool herself. It was like the magic glue she used on it did work its magic and she was all shiny and new again.

That was until something would send her over the deep end make her remember. Suddenly that magic glue didn't have the correct hold anymore and every piece was threatening to disengage and ruin everything.

As she paced her apartment after finally getting Hanna to leave (she refused to go anywhere until Spencer ate something—that girl was smarter than she put out in the world and that was one of her biggest strengths, people under estimated her) she wondered if she was going about this all wrong.

Sure, this method was working to an extent, but she couldn't live the rest of her life being afraid of a box in her closet and the shirt that was currently sprawled out on the floor of it. Maybe if she slowly let herself remember everything she kept locked away she could attempt to move on. She had been on two dates in two years and she was starting to get sick of the quiet.

Spencer Hastings sick of quiet? That was something her friends would love to hear.

And so with shaky hands she went into her bedroom and without missing a step went straight for her closet or else she would rethink the whole ordeal. With a click of a light the tiny room was illuminated and the gray t-shirt laid haphazardly on the floor seemed to be a test. Could she go through with this?

It was time. And she had to. So Spencer got down on her knees and pulled the big, brown box out from behind a wall of shoe boxes.

The box had no label but didn't need one. She could pick it out of a mountain of brown, unnamed boxes. With one last shaky breath she opened it and let herself peer inside.

There were stacks of pictures placed upside down on purpose in case it opened on accident, stuffed animals, picture frames, letters, small boxes that contained jewelry or other trinkets, and other small things like movie and prom tickets, the game of Scrabble, and just stupid things that reminded her solely of him.

She picked up the first photograph and turned it over. It was her and him, her on his back, and both looking off the camera as if they saw something amazing in the sky, she was even pointing. She was wearing one of his shirts and some short shorts while he was clad in pajama pants.

She remembered the night it was taken. It was the time the girls decided to have a big sleepover with their significant others after graduation. It was in his loft apartment and entailed all the girls and boys watching movies, eating ice cream, playing twister, and just generally acting like kids trying to hold onto their youths before they went to college. It ended in them all sleeping in random parts of the loft, except for Spencer and Toby that is, who of course ended up in his bed.

It was one of her favorite memories of that summer. And they all vowed to do it every summer, no matter if their significant other changed or they had none at the time. It was a vow they kept no matter how much Spencer now dreaded that night because she had no one to giggle in bed with before finally falling asleep like she did that first time.

She couldn't resist the urge to lift her shirt over her head and replace it with the very one she was cursing a few hours ago. She brought it up to her nose and wished it smelled like him, that mix of cologne, saw dust, and coffee, but only her smell filled her nostrils.

Trying to stay strong Spencer reached blindly into the box and grabbed something else to see how far she could take this experiment before she reached her breaking point.

She opened the necklace box and found the letter S engraved on a piece of wood to resemble a Scrabble piece that he had gotten for her. At one time she wore it almost every day, Hanna said it went with everything and was adorable. On the back a T was engraved much like the front and sometimes she even wore it with the T facing outwards. It was her favorite gift from him.

She didn't notice it until then that tears were slowly falling down her cheeks.

Wanting to keep going she reached in the box again and pulled out a letter he had written her in their first year of dating. She bit her lip and unraveled it, realizing which letter this was.

Sometimes it was easier for him to get his feelings down on paper, at least in the beginning. He wasn't used to opening up, people often teased him in high school before he came back from one summer absolutely ripped and then they just ignored him. One of the only people he would talk to besides her was Emily, having been childhood friends even before Spencer had met her. He was always a loner, so most of the time he didn't mind being on his own, and when he finally found people he could open up to he struggled for a long time.

Spencer looked down at the paper and forced herself to read the words.

_S,_

_I'm sorry about the other night... again. I wish it didn't keep happening like that. It just seems that every time I think I have finally put that part of my life behind me it pops right back in at the most horrible time. When I'm with you. And I hate that, I really do, and I know you know that._

_One day I am going to be out of that house, away from my parents, and away from her and hopefully our lives will be so completely separated that she will never have to be a thought in my mind again. __But for now she is and I hate that I let it get between us. I know you say you understand and I am so grateful for that, but even I don't understand it. I am finally with someone I want to be with and I won't let myself be with you the way I was with her. I hate myself for that. I know you wish I didn't, but I do._

_You are so wonderful and beautiful and God just everything I could have ever dreamed of for myself...I never thought someone like you could ever want to be with me. I love you more and more every day. __I promise you that when we finally are able to make love Jenna will be the farthest thing from my mind. I am going to work through this somehow._

_I love you for understanding and being there for me. And I'm sorry about everything again. Please know that when we are intimate you are the only one I am thinking about, I promise you._

_Love, T_

She still hated Jenna for what she did to Toby. She always would even if she and Toby were no longer together. What that girl did to him was beyond horrible and what was worse was that she knew she could do it because he was so sensitive and kind. Even after he put a stop to it he could never be truly mean to her for it, not only would their parents not have it, but he just wasn't that type of person.

It took them mere months to say I love you, but over a year to finally make love with each other, not from a lack of trying on both of their parts. They would get so close and just before the final...act he would pull away and be unable to do it. Before, with Jenna, sex was forced and wrong and shameful and that was all he knew. It took him a long time to give himself to Spencer, to someone who wasn't forcing him, to someone who loved him and wanted to pleasure him, not just herself.

It became even harder on him when Jenna went blind. She tried to make him her personal seeing eye dog and their parents had no objections. She could see the pain on his face every time she took his arm or held out her hand for him. It was like her blindness was a whole new way to torture him. It may have been a genetic condition, but she used it to her advantage.

It took weeks for Toby to put his foot down, to tell her that he couldn't do it and walked away from her. He walked away from her and straight into Spencer's arms, needing comfort and strength and she gave it to him. She gave him everything she had.

Not being able to take it anymore Spencer put the things back in the box and stood with tears now streaming down her face. This was supposed to help, but it seemed like it was just causing the wound to become deeper and more painful. Maybe her way of dealing with things before was better, this was just too much.

As she got ready for bed still wearing his t-shirt Spencer wondered how long it would take for her to finally get over Toby Cavanaugh or if she ever could at all.

* * *

**Okay, here is the first chapter! Tell me how you like it, want things to change, etc. I know there wasn't a lot of dialogue, but I was trying to give you background and get to know the Toby and Spencer in this story which is a bit different from the show.**

**The others are all going to make appearances soon, especially our boy, and you will also find out all their jobs and such!**

**So review please :) I worked really hard on this! And the more reviews the more motivated I am to keep writing!**

**Thanks so much!**

**-Kay**


	2. Chapter 2

**Oh my gosh guys, thank you for reviewing/following/favoriting/everything! You're amazing people who give me inspiration to write more and more :)**

**Remember if you have questions feel free to leave them in a review, send a PM, whatever, I look at them and will respond right in this sections here.**

**NOTE:  
In this Spencer didn't know Andrew in high school.  
You know, decathlon Andrew who gave her the pills.**

**Also, go easy on me with the jargon of Spencer's job...I'm trying.  
For more Author Notes read the one at the bottom!**

**Now, onto Chapter 2!**

* * *

The vibrating of plastic against wood was breaking her concentration.

The day had been stressful and anything that could go wrong did.

It started when she didn't wear the right shoes for rain (peep toe pumps were a big no-no) and her umbrella broke, then it only continued to go downhill when she was so busy that lunch consisted of a bag of pretzels and bad coffee. To top it off she was up to her eyeballs in preparation for court tomorrow and she could not find the deposition she needed to review.

She was ready for the case to go before the judge tomorrow—she had prepped and studied and everything else she could possibly do in order to be ready. But she liked to be sure of everything and so she needed to look at that damn deposition.

What she did not need right then was Hanna calling her cell phone repeatedly, probably to tell her some tale about what happened at her own wonderful job today that would only cause Spencer to go off on the poor girl. The story was probably funny, but not something she needed to hear right now.

She didn't hate her job; in reality she loved her job. She loved knowing she was making a difference and helping people, but sometimes it seemed like there wasn't enough time in the day to do everything.

When she decided to go pre-law in college her parents were ecstatic. Almost immediately her mother spoke of adding her to her own practice one day and how wonderful it would be to have another lawyer in the family.

It was a shock when she turned down a position at the Hastings office like her mother wanted, but rather decided to work for Collective Cities Resources Initiative, otherwise known as CCRI, a non-profit legal aid firm. It had offices in Rosewood, Ravenswood, and Brookhaven with their headquarters in Philadelphia. She usually worked out of the Rosewood office, but she made a trip out to Phili three to five times a month for some reason or another.

She wanted to help those in need, those who didn't have the money to do so themselves and she wanted to do it on her own. She needed to prove her worth. It required taking the train to and from work on the days she had to go to Phili, but she liked knowing she was forging her own path. She didn't know if she would be there forever, but for right now she loved the little non-profit firm she busted her butt for.

Her work phone rang next, a shrill tone that almost always caused her to jump. It didn't help that she was practically the only one left in the office, so the sound echoed off the emptiness of the space.

She sighed and dropped another folder on her mess of a desk. "Spencer Hastings," she answered, trying to hide her annoyance. It was a non-profit firm, she didn't have the luxury of an assistant, not that she wanted or needed one.

_"Finally! I was starting to think you were ignoring me,"_ Hanna's voice came through.

"I was ignoring you, Han," Spencer mumbled, massaging her temples with her free hand. "I'm going to be heading out of here soon; you couldn't wait for me to call you back then?"

_"Um, no,"_ Hanna said easily. _"Look, you and I need to talk about something really important and I called to set up a time with you because you're always busy these days with work stuff or...well actually, it's just work stuff,"_ she rambled. _"So when is the next night you are free?"_

"What's so important that you had to call me five times on my cell before going through my work when you _know_ I hate it?" she replied, letting herself sit back in her chair to relax for a moment.

_"Well that is just something you are going to have to find out on our little date, won't you?"_ Hanna informed her. _"So give me a day please."_

Spencer pulled out her large planner from underneath her clutter of folders and papers. "Um, I think I can do Friday actually. I have something going to court this week, but if all goes well, fingers crossed, it should be over by then. But even if it isn't it will at least be almost over by then. And I have the weekend off if it does go well so that means we can drink," she told her, smiling at the thought of a whole weekend off. Plus some wine time with Hanna.

_"Oooh, Friday,"_ Hanna said as if it stung her. _"Friday, Friday, Friday..."_ she continued.

Spencer was reaching her wits end. "Hanna, all I have is Friday, take it or leave it. If it's important it is just going to have to wait until then or you can just tell me right now-"

_"No, Friday will work! It's just cutting it a little close, that's all,"_ she told her. _"But if I plan it right it can work."_

"Are you can Caleb still fighting?" Spencer questioned, ignoring her stomach's ache, a reminder of how empty it was. She was getting take out tonight and a lot of it on the way home. Maybe a whole pizza...

Hanna's grunt was all the answer she needed. _"Yes. I am going to kill him one of these days. Like, I know why he did it, but ugh!"_

"Do you want to talk about it before I kick you off the phone or is it something we can discuss on Friday?" she asked.

_"I don't like calling you at work, you talk all lawyer-y,"_ Hanna commented.

"Hanna, 'discuss' is hardly a lawyer word. Deposition, on the other hand, is and that is what you are keeping me from finding right now and it something I really need," Spencer told her.

_"Spencer Hastings lost something? Blasphemy!"_ Hanna teased. Spencer couldn't help but laugh.

Since Aria and Emily moved to Philadelphia, Hanna and Spencer were often the two who spent the most time together. They made at least one trip back to Rosewood a week since the girls usually did Sunday brunch just to catch up together.

"I am human, Han, as hard as I try to prove otherwise," she told her. "So Friday?"

_"Friday,"_ Hanna agreed and after another minute the two girls got off the phone.

"What's Friday?" a male voice questioned as he passed by her desk. She jumped again, startled.

They didn't have their own offices either. The whole office was cubicle like, but Spencer liked it. She shouldn't have her own office right out of college. This was her first year there, she didn't deserve anything. Maybe that was why she liked being at CCRI so much, no one treated her like she was Spencer Hastings, daughter of one of the best defense attorneys in the state and the notorious litigator, but just as Spencer Hastings, legal aid attorney fresh out of college.

She smiled up at Andrew, an associate who was hired a few months before her. He helped her so much in getting used to the place, getting comfortable in actually doing the job she studied so long to do, letting her know who made the best coffee and when to grab it. He knew who her parents were but was one of the few who didn't make it a big deal that she took a job at a legal aid firm and not with her mother.

"Um, dinner with a friend," Spencer answered in a breathy voice, still surprise at his sudden appearance. She thought he already went home.

Andrew flashed his smile at her. "Damn. Here I was hoping I could ask you out, but it looks like you're already busy."

"Yeah, sorry," she mumbled as red flooded her cheeks. She tried hide it by busying herself and began to clean up the chaos on her desk. "Oh, um, do you have the Carl Stevens deposition for the Whitaker case?" she asked, remembering him mentioning it earlier in the day.

His eyes widened. "Yeah, I accidentally took it home in my bag. I came back because I grabbed the wrong file. I should have brought that one back—damn, I'm sorry," he apologized.

"I thought you went home," she mentioned, happy she wasn't going crazy. She didn't lose the file and he had gone home earlier.

"Noticing my comings and goings, Hastings?" Andrew replied, grinning widely this time.

"No, just observant," Spencer answered with a small smile as she packed up her own bag to head home.

Andrew shook his head. "If you want we can stop by my place on our way back from dinner so I can give you the file," he offered.

"Our way back from where?" she asked, her heart dropping. She couldn't tell if it was a good feeling or a bad feeling, if it was excitement at the thought of being asked out or dread at the idea of having to stay out longer than she planned.

"Spencer," he chuckled. "I can hear your stomach from here," he informed her.

The emptiness that was her digestive system growled hungrily, literally. She was absolutely starving. How did she keep forgetting that? "Are you asking me out to dinner... right now?"

"It'd be easier if you weren't making it so hard on me, but yeah," he answered, not missing a beat.

Spencer sucked in a breath. She was exhausted, prep for this hearing consumed her last week and it was starting to catch up to her. And she was sure she didn't fit the look for going on a date. Her hair, once up in an intricate bun, was let loose over an hour ago when her colleagues started to leave since it was beginning to give her a headache. Her shirt was untucked, her heels kicked off, and her makeup had to of worn off over the last ten hours she had been at the office.

Andrew seemed to sense her distress. "It's just food, Spencer, but if it makes you feel any better you can go the bathroom and... do whatever it is girls do in there," he assured her.

Didn't she just decide to start moving on from Toby? For the last two years she felt stuck in time, half waiting for him to come back and kiss her and somehow make everything better again. That wasn't going to happen and it was time she give up the notion it would. He wasn't coming back, not after the way he left.

Dinner with a good looking man at the Grille seemed like a good way to continue her new process. At least this part of the process didn't cause her to want to rip her heart out of her chest and shove it down the garbage disposal so she wouldn't have to feel the pain of looking through that terrible box anymore.

"Give me ten minutes?"

Andrew smiled. "Of course."

-:-:-

She couldn't stop fidgeting.

In the bathroom she managed to make herself look presentable. She brushed her hair so it now looked pleasantly wavy; she tucked in her shirt and fixed some of her makeup. She was glad she wore her black pencil leg skirt that cut off at the knee and white blouse today. She wore it appropriate at work, but here she could undo a few buttons to make it date worthy.

But just because she knew she looked okay didn't mean she felt okay.

She had been on two dates in two years and each of the two dates were with, as Hanna put it, dweebs. They were guys she didn't feel pressured to impress, guys that were supposed to be easy to re-enter the dating scene with. But those two dates turned Spencer off the dating scene rather than onto it. It just wasn't the same. She didn't get butterflies or the urge to giggle, instead she just wanted to curl into a ball and remember how amazing she once had it because Toby was perfect.

This was different. This was a man she did like as a friend, could even like as more than one. A good looking man who she felt the need to make laugh and smile. It was just another way for people to judge her or at least that was the way she felt about it and hated it.

Toby never made her feel like she was being judged. He somehow made her forget the world and just have fun, to enjoy herself and him and whatever it was they happened to be doing, even if it was keeping her away from her studies.

Toby...

Her heart gave a hard thud, following by a longing ache. How did just thinking about him still have that effect on her?

God, she was not going to compare Andrew to Toby throughout the entire date, was she? It didn't feel fair; they were two completely different people. This was about moving on from Toby, not staying stuck on him.

Was this even a date? She was so rusty at this—hell, it wasn't like she ever actually did this. She started dating Toby when she was a junior and him a senior in high school and only had two boyfriends before that, neither really serious. She had never really been out on the dating scene before. She hated being so unsure of herself, that was probably why she avoided this for so long.

Spencer knew how to do well in school and now in her job, but she didn't know how to do well at this.

It would help if she would just stop fidgeting. She was either running a hand through her hair or making sure her fork and knife where perpendicular to the side of the table or smoothing out invisible wrinkles in her shirt. Why couldn't she just sit still and enjoy herself?

Wine. She needed more wine.

She picked up her glass of the red liquid and took a long sip while nodding a bit to Andrew's story. She had no idea what it was about or those who were in it, but she smiled along just the same.

Is this what it was like for everyone? All the second guessing and nervousness, the feeling that some sort of vomit was going to exit her throat instead of words?

"So what about you, Spencer Hastings?" he finally finished. He finished right about the time she finished off her wine. She needed more.

"What about me, Andrew Campbell?" she countered, feeling warmth spread through her still mostly empty stomach. That probably wasn't a good combination, but she couldn't bring herself to care just then.

"Any embarrassing college stories?" he asked, smiling at the waiter who refilled Spencer's glass and topped off his.

She took another sip before answering. "Can't say I really have many," she told him, busying her hands with the complementary garlic bread.

"Aw, you can't be all work and no play," he insisted, smiling at her in a way that made her insides quiver. She just still couldn't tell if it was in a good way or a bad way. She smiled and shrugged as she popped some more bread into her mouth. "Come on, I just told you about how my frat spray painted me and left me on a sorority's lawn!"

Spencer laughed. "Sorry, I just...don't do crazy often. It's usually my friend's messes I get caught up in rather than my own. My family isn't really the greatest at fun," she told him. "My parents didn't become the great Veronica and Peter Hastings by having fun."

Andrew looked down at his own share of garlic bread. God, she was boring.

"Well, there was this one time," she began out of nowhere, causing his eyes to light up and look over at her. "I let my best friend Hanna borrow my Nana's cabin up on the lake. I totally forgot that my mom was planning my dad's forty-fifth birthday party to happen there the following weekend. Well, I knew it would be at the cabin, I just didn't remember that she was going up early to set some things up. And I went with her and also forgot I gave Hanna my keys to the place. It was a bad week for my memory, I suppose."

Andrew seemed to be hanging onto her every word, waiting for the big ending. She hoped it was worth it.

"So I walk in with my mom a few steps behind me to find Hanna and her boyfriend doing the dirty on my Nana's old, leather couch, butt-naked of course," she went on and Andrew's laughter caused her to pause for a moment and laugh some herself. "I just stood there like a deer in headlights and so did they, which was awkward because she was on top, you know," she continued and he couldn't stop laughing. "And my mom walks in behind me, drops the box of dishes she is carrying, just looks at them and shakes her head before turning around and walking away."

"What did she do?" Andrew questioned once his laughter calmed down.

"Well, I stayed inside and had a little fight with Hanna about the scheduling while she and Caleb rushed to get dressed. And apparently while my mom was outside she called Hanna's mom," she told him.

"No!" he exclaimed.

Spencer nodded, smiling wide. "Yes. So my mom and her mom sat all three of us down on that very same couch, which was not cleaned off yet by the way, and scolded us about sex and responsibility for what seemed like hours. It took Hanna weeks to come to my house again, let alone look my mother in the eye. And we're best friends; we're together a lot and at each other's house a lot."

Andrew was still chuckling to himself. "That's hilarious," he commented. "But what about you? What is something completely unlike Spencer Hastings that you have done?"

What did he want from her? She honestly didn't do crazy. She used to, kind of, when Toby was around. He was able to talk her into such things and with him it never really took much talking into.

He made her do crazy, like take off for the Jersey Shore out of nowhere in the middle of the school year, making her miss four classes and somehow not car. They didn't even have reservations! (They ended up sleeping in the bed of his truck—thank God for the blankets he kept in the cab.) Or bust into the middle of a college lecture class she had texted him during, complaining of how bored she was, and insisted he needed her because the family pet Fluffy was hit by a car and dying and she needed to say goodbye. She didn't even own a pet. Or play Strip Scrabble because it was simply more fun than regular Scrabble. Whoever won got to "decide what sex they would be having later" he said, followed by a series of winks.

He won, but it was completely unfair because she was winning before he took his shirt off then her mind went blank and her vocabulary went from muzjiks, a term for Russian peasants (and had earned her a whopping 106 points) to a seventh grader's with words like glass and tissue.

"_I, uh," she coughed lightly and furrowed her brow together._

"_Any time now, Spence," her boyfriend teased, clad in only his boxers._

_The next highest word would win it and she was a few points away from either being victorious or completely naked. She would like either honestly, but the thought of losing at Scrabble to him (again) was more than she could bear. It was time to reclaim her title so the teasing could finally cease._

_"Shut up, Tobias," she grumbled and picked up a piece before putting it back down._

_"Oh, she's breaking out the full name, I'm scared," he teased, reaching out to tickle her side. She squeaked and ignored him. "I love you wearing my shirt and only my shirt, babe, but I think I would love to see it on the floor even more," he told her bluntly._

_She looked up and almost got caught up in the color of his ocean-like eyes. "I- um, Toby! Stop it!" she whined, causing him to laugh heartily. "I need to get in the game here! So shush!" she ordered._

_"Fine, fine, I'll just lay back here and think of what we are going to be doing on this bed in about ten minutes," he sighed._

_She glared before looking back down. Her eyes drifted up slowly, and then back down before he could notice. He looked like a damn Abercrombie model just lying there casually like that and it just wasn't fair. In a burst of rage she took a hold of the Scrabble board and flung it across the room, the pieces scattering to places they would probably never find them._

_"Spencer!" Toby exclaimed, not sure whether to laugh or get ready for a fight before she literally descended upon him like a bird swooping down for its prey.__Their lips were smashed together in a frenzy and he quickly removed his shirt from her body. "This means I won, right?" he asked with a grin as his eyes took in her now bare body._

_"Shut up," she ordered once again and Toby had no objections to doing exactly what she said._

"Spencer?"

"Huh, what?" she shook her head clear of the memory. Did it get hotter in the restaurant?

"Our food came and you completely zoned out or something," Andrew informed her, a hint of a smile on his face.

Her eyes widened. Oops. "Oh! Sorry, just thinking about court tomorrow," she covered up and picked up her fork. "I still get nervous going before the judge," she admitted. It was true, yet not.

Andrew smiled at her reassuringly. "Ah, sometimes I still forget you're a newbie. Don't worry, you got in the genes and you're extremely talented," he assured her with a wink.

She smiled back at him and forced all thoughts of Toby to the back of her mind. "Thank you." To get through this night she would still need more wine.

Later Spencer fumbled with her keys at the door. "Here, let me get that. Which one is it?" Andrew asked as he took the keys out of her hand.

"The, um, the one with the gold," she told him. "Thank you for the file, by the way. Sorry I peed in your apartment," she added on.

Andrew laughed. "It's not like you peed on my carpet, Spence, you went to the bathroom," he reminded her. She blinked up at him. "What?"

"Spence," she whispered. "You called me Spence."

He finally got the door open. "Do you not like that?"

"No, I- well, it's just, no one calls me that and I like it that way," she stated, leaning against the wall.

Only Toby called her Spence. Others, of course, had called her that before him, but the way he said it was different. The way it fell over his lips during a chuckle or when he moaned it into her ear before pressing his lips to her shoulder or how he would hold her as if she was the most precious thing in the world and the nickname would cause her to shiver simply because he was the one who said it.

"I don't like it," she whispered.

Andrew bobbed his head. "Sorry. So, here we are," he stated, helping her into her apartment and put her things down on the counter. "Do you have a roommate? I get the feeling you might spend some more time in the bathroom tonight," he joked.

"I used to," she sighed, kicking off her heels. "She moved in with her boyfriend a few months ago. But she has so much crap there is still some left in her room and sometimes I come home to find her here. She's not used to living with a boy," she rambled on. "Thanks for taking me home... again," she said and went to hug him in goodbye, but he bobbed when she swooped and their lips ending up together.

Spencer pulled away immediately, startled. She replaced his lips with her fingers. "Oh, I'm sorry, I-" she stopped his words by kissing him with more force and they even tumbled down onto the couch.

It was different. Sloppy and wet. His hand slid up underneath her skirt and she combed her fingers through his hair.

But his lips were too thin and the hair was too short and not silky. His hands too soft and he didn't smell like that perfect mixture of saw dust and coffee and something else. It wasn't right.

She ripped her mouth from his. "I am _so_ sorry," she apologized and got off him, but with her balance lacking to begin with and the alcohol flowing through her system she almost fell over.

Andrew managed to catch her. "Its fine, Spence," he assured her. Her eyes widened at him. "Spencer, I mean, it's fine," he corrected himself.

"I, um, I'll see you at work tomorrow?" she offered, her voice suddenly small.

Andrew stood and righted his shirt. "Uh, yeah, tomorrow," he agreed and was on his way.

A little past tipsy with a good looking, intelligent, interesting guy and she still thought about Toby freakin' Cavanaugh.

Maybe the band-aid method to get over him didn't work either. 'Cause she couldn't do that whole "the key to get over someone was to get under someone else." She just tried. Maybe she also wasn't the one-night-stand type of person either. Stupid values her stupid parents gave her. Values they give, love they tuck away and give so little she starved for it sometimes as a child. At least that was what Toby used to say—the starving part, not the values.

Ugh, Toby, could she ever get him out of her mind now that she was making a conscious effort to get over him?

With a groan she reached for her phone and dialed Hanna's number.

_"Mm, hello?"_

"I kissed a boy tonight," Spencer spat out like it tasted horrible to her.

_"WHAT?"_ Hanna replied very loudly. _"Who? Where? When?"_

"Andrew from of the office, on my couch, maybe ten minutes ago?" she answered easily.

_"Spencer Hastings! I'm rubbing off on you!"_ Hanna squealed. _"Shut UP Caleb, this is important!"_ she told her probably sleeping boyfriend. _"I'll find some way to pay you back for waking you up your precious beauty sleep, okay? You know what, you don't even need beauty sleep, I'm your beauty and it's more than you can handle."_

Spencer couldn't help but smile at her friends. "Hanna!" she exclaimed to get her attention.

_"Sorry! Right, so what happened?"_ she urged, needing details. Spencer told her the whole tale in two minutes and bit her lip, waiting for her reaction. _"So you got pleasantly wasted, had a guy in your apartment, were on top of him on your couch even, and you stopped it?"_Spencer 'mmhm-ed' in response. "_Why the hell did you stop it? It's been, like, two years Spencer, I think you can take a break from buying batteries and get a little,"_ she finished her sentence with a whistle.

"Hanna!" she repeated, red staining her cheeks.

_"What, it's true!"_ her best friend replied. _"Look, what are you even telling me all this for? I love you girl, but we're not sixteen anymore, this isn't that big of a deal,"_ she admitted.

She knew this was true. This was easily something that could have waiting until the morning at least. But she called her best friend. Why did she call her best friend instead of drinking, like, a gallon of water and going to bed?

"Because I pulled away because his hands were too soft and his hair wasn't long enough and the smell wasn't right and- ugh!" she groaned and smacked her forehead. "I just- it wasn't Toby and that was what I wanted as if I'm not pathetic enough," she went on. "I mean, the guy walks out on me more than two years ago and here I am still pining after him like a loser."

_"Spencer, we both know it's not like that. You're not pathetic,"_ Hanna insisted in her kind, caring, sisterly voice. _"You and him, you were different, you know? And it was such a blow to you its normal for you to be, I don't know, not over him. I mean, it's not like you have been handling it in a healthy way until now anyways."_

Spencer let out a puff of air. "Yeah." They were both silent. "Are we keeping Caleb up, we can talk tomorrow..." she left it open.

_"No, I went into the living room about two minutes ago,"_ Hanna assured her.

"And now I have to go to work tomorrow and deal with seeing Andrew who is cute, but I don't know if I like him, like him you know? God, when did this all get so complicated? A few weeks ago I was happily single and enjoying my job and attempting at being a fully functional adult. Now I'm calling my best friend past midnight asking her what to do because I just kissed a boy."

Hanna laughed. _"You weren't happily single, hunny, you were oblivious. And honestly, being a functional adult is overrated. We're all fucked up, but we're fucked up together and we're awesome so fuck everyone else,_" she stated.

"Must you swear every other word?"

_"Fuck yeah."_

Spencer laughed. "Sorry for waking you up, Han," she apologized.

_"Eh, I was barely asleep, Caleb and I did, ya know-"_ she whistled again and Spencer bit her lip to keep from laughing. _"And he falls right asleep after. I am just_that_good. I usually stay up and watch infomercials,"_ she told her. _"So, no worries. We're still on for Friday, right?"_

Spencer nodded even though her friend couldn't see her. "Yeah." They were both silent for another moment. "Thanks for talking to me... we didn't solve anything, not really, but-"

_"Spencer, don't. We're best friends, okay? That is what best friends do. Especially after those other two bitches left us."_

"Hanna, they got jobs out of town, they didn't leave like-" she stopped. Like Toby.

_"They still left!"_ Hanna tried to keep it light.

"They come back."

_"We're still better than them. Team Spenna!"_

No matter the mood Hanna could always make her laugh. And she loved that about her. "Team Spenna," she agreed with a laugh and after another minute or two they hung up.

Not only did she have to go to work and see a co-worker she made out with, but she also had to do it with a killer headache. And on a day she had to go to court.

You know what they say, Hastings never do anything halfway.

* * *

**Okay, so you like? I like, I really do! And that is rare for me!**

**Hate Andrew? I do too!  
But I love Team Spenna! I promise at least Emily and Caleb are in the next one...and maybe someone else! ;)  
What's Friday? You shall see in the next chap!  
I also decided to not do Ezria...I just don't like Ezra anymore...for now. I was wondering why I didn't want to write Aria and I was like oooh, it's Ezra! Haha oops.  
In the next chapter or two we shall also see one of my favorite characters (other than Spencer and Toby). Any guesses to who it is?**

**Make me happy with reviews and I make you happy with another update!**  
**I seriously love you guys though. Thank you for everything! You're amazing peeps.**

**- Kay**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you so much for the reviews! I love you all!  
Now if I could just those who favorited and followed to review too! Then I would be on top of the world!**  
**Seriously though guys, you're awesome! Keep being awesome by reviewing!**

**I decided which pairings I am doing to do for the other two girls.**  
**No hate please! Just a story.**

**I also wanted you to know this is going to be a very flashback-centric story. Hope you like them!**

**In honor of Mr. Keegan Allen's birthday I am posting this today!  
Now onto Chapter 3.**

* * *

Veronica Hastings surprises had always left something to be desired.

Like when Spencer was thirteen and if she came out of her room after a particularly heinous fight with her sister there would be a surprise waiting for her. The surprise ended up being an interior designer. They were going to redo her bedroom now that she was "a woman." How getting your period made a girl a woman nowadays was beyond Spencer. And why she needed her room redone because now she bled once a month just seemed stupid.

Or there was the time that the surprise on her birthday was a bonding spa trip with Melissa. Three days. Alone. With Melissa.

Complaining about these things made her feel like a brat. From the outside it looked true, but to her it was just excuses.

Rather than work things out between her and Melissa when she was thirteen their parents took her sister's side and when she was upset they tried to cheer her up by getting her room redone. She would have been happy with a nice talking to by their mom and a compromise with Melissa.

And for her birthday, the only reason she got a spa trip with her sister was because their parents had to go to conferences and didn't want to bring them. So throwing the two girls together at a spa seemed like a better idea than actually spending time with their daughter on her birthday. She would have rather accompanied her mom to Boston and did some shopping on the little bit free time than have to share a room with Melissa anywhere alone.

So when Veronica Hastings required her daughter's presence at dinner that week and said she had a surprise, Spencer didn't think anything of it.

What was it this time? A trip to the gynecologist? From her mother, it was likely. She would rather shower her daughter with gifts, however practical, than spend time with her. The most bonding time she ever spent her mother was when she was in the womb.

"Spencer!" her mom squealed when she exited the car.

In all honesty she loved when her mom looked happy to see her, when she hugged her and gave that motherly squeeze of reassurance. What she hated was that that was usually the most she got from her, emotionally speaking.

"Mom," she smiled and wrapped her arms around the older woman. "Sorry I haven't been over in a while," she instantly apologized.

The last time she came home Melissa was also visiting and within two hours Spencer was speeding off down the street while her sister told her parents some sob story about how it was all Spencer's fault. Of course their parents believed Melissa without even listening to Spencer. Melissa, after all, was golden.

"Don't worry about it, sweetheart," Veronica waved her off and began to walk her back to the large home she grew up in with her arm still around her daughter's shoulders.

It wasn't like she never saw her parents. She often saw them around the courthouse and sometimes her mom would treat her to a nice lunch that consisted of subtly reminding her of how she probably made the wrong choice of job and how someone just a few years older than her was flourishing at her practice. Then there would be some type of comment about her outfit and some mention of how Melissa was doing better in her own field.

"So what's my surprise?" she asked, forcing a smile.

"Hey SJ," a male greeted as they opened the door to the house.

Spencer's eyes widened. "JJ!" she shrieked before taking off and jumping into her older brother's arms.

She was fourteen years old when she found out the boy next door was also her half-brother. Her parents hadn't known she found out, but it was right then that her mom learned out and she overheard her parents fighting about it.

Apparently Jason's mom had drank too much one night and told her son about his true genes as he put her to sleep. She was only drinking because her husband had realized their son's true lineage as well and had been visiting his mother for over two weeks.

Spencer snuck over one night, knocked on the door, and told Jason that she knew he already had a sister, but she wanted a brother if he was willing. She felt so alone in her own home and he in his that they couldn't help but want to know each other, even if the sister living in his home was one of her best friends and couldn't know of their relationship.

They kept that they knew about each other a secret and often met late at night in her barn. They would watch movies and do homework together, he was the person she would seek advice from and she was the one who he asked for help when he felt the walls were closing in on him.

It was a year later when the unspeakable happened to her brother, who she had nicknamed JJ as in Jason James. To him she was SJ as in Spencer Jo.

His parents and little sister, her best friend, were killed in a car accident. A car he was supposed to be in, but had fought with his father about whom his real father was and decided to skip out on the uncomfortable family dinner.

She could still vividly remember the red and blue flashing lights streaming in through her bedroom window.

_It woke her from her sleep. She had a huge test tomorrow and she did_not_need this right now._

_Upon recognizing what the lights were she jumped out of bed and was downstairs in a flash. "Mom? Dad?" she called out and no one answered. The side door was open and her gut dropped at the thought of what could have happened. Melissa was away at UPenn, had something happened?_

_She ran outside, not caring that it was mid-November in Pennsylvania and she was not wearing socks or something remotely long-sleeved. They were over at the DiLaurentis house. "Mom? Da-" she stopped at the sight in front of her._

_Her parents talking to the police, the police gesturing to something she couldn't see. She ran over and ignored her mother's shouts. When she got closer she found her big brother curled into a ball, crying into his knees, and somehow she knew._

_"JJ," she said tentatively, still ignoring her mother's request to go back home._

_The boy who she had spent hours upon hours with looked up at her, the mischief in his eyes gone._

_He no longer looked like the boy who made her watch every single Star Wars because they were classics and she just had to. He no longer looked like the boy who gave her that first sip of beer. He no longer looked like the boy who pushed Elliot Trapp so hard that he fell down because he unknowingly called his little sister hott and made a crude comment he would not repeat about her._

_"They're gone, SJ," he croaked and now her mother was upon them, confused about the nicknames, wanting to ask questions. "I'm alone."_

_"No, no, you're not alone, Jason," she assured him, getting down onto her knees and latched herself onto him._

_Her big brother cried into her shoulder for hours that night. It didn't take her parents long to figure out that the two knew of each other, what they really were to each other._

_All of the rest of Jason's relatives were dead. Well, his grandmother in Georgia was alive, but so senile she was in no shape to take care of him, even if he was nineteen years old and legally was old enough to be on his own. He wasn't mentally ready to be on his own at all._

_She had come downstairs early in the morning one day about two weeks later to get a glass of water when she heard her parents discussing their newest "problem."_

_"He's staying here," Spencer stated, interrupting their plans to move Jason out of their guest room._

_"Spencer, sweetie, I know you care for him but-"_

_"I don't just care for him, Mom," she cut her off. "I love him. He is my brother. And I understand that he's putting stress on you two... but he just lost everything. His mom, his dad, his sister... my best friend. We are all he has left and you are not moving him out of this house."_

_"Its okay, Spencer," she heard her brother's voice from the top of the stairs. Even though he was in the guest bedroom they often ending up falling asleep talking or watching a movie together. Jason had a bout of severe insomnia and Spencer was trying to help him through it. She was trying to help him through everything._

_"No! No it's not. He has to stay here. I don't care what he is doing to you. He needs me... I need him," Spencer cried, her voice raspier than normal, her eyes watering. She didn't care what he was to them, he was her family, the person she felt closest to and they couldn't take him away from her._

_Jason finished his way down the steps and hugged his sister. She had spent so much time caring for him in losing his family she never grieved for her best friend, but it didn't matter. She needed Jason. She needed to be there for him and him her._

_"We'll- we'll work something out," Spencer insisted, pulling away, embarrassed for showing emotion in front of her parents. "We can redo the barn, make it his. He'll be here, but gone, it'll work..." she thought quickly on how to keep him close. She looked at their father, her eyes pleading. "Dad, please..."_

_Their dad nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, we can redo the barn. Don't worry, Jason isn't going anywhere," Peter assured her, refusing to look at his wife to see her reaction. Jason belonged there, in their home, because even if they couldn't offer him the comfort of his other family they could help keep him close to one of his sisters._

He still called their dad Peter and for a long time he was in a bad place. He began to smoke pot and drink too much. It was Spencer who made him realize he had a problem and convinced him to go to rehab.

The barn was still considered his and when home that was where he stayed, but he insisted on paying rent when he did. Staying in his family's home was still too much for him. It remained untouched, but in his name.

Melissa had never quite warmed up to him, but they were cordial and that was what mattered. Her mom struggled for a long time with him around too. Having to look at her husband's mistake was hard on her. It took her months to see what Spencer saw in him, but seeing how he made her youngest daughter smile was enough to understand why he should stay.

Jason had been away for the last six months, exploring the world or something, helping others and whatnot. After his grandma died all her money was left to him. Knowing he couldn't be trusted with his substance abuse history and the loss of another family member he asked Peter to set up a bank account for him, one where he wouldn't be able to blow it all if he happened to relapse.

Peter was impressed and agreed. But Jason took some of the money and traveled around the world. She would get a postcard from him every few weeks, parts of Africa, Fiji, India, Haiti... she missed him, but knew he needed time to deal with losing the last of the family he grew up with.

"How long have you been back?" she asked, pulling away from her brother's arms.

"About two weeks," he informed her, a guilty grin on his face.

She punched him in the arm. "Two weeks! And you didn't call or come see me!? Asshole!" she laughed and he did too.

It was always a joke between them that he wasn't even a Hastings and somehow he was her favorite one.

"I wasn't back, back. I was in Phili; I had some stuff to handle. When your mom called me to come for dinner as a surprise to you I knew it was time to see ya," Jason told her.

"My mom knew you were back and I didn't? Double asshole!" she accused.

Jason shook his head and pulled her into another hug. "Just a heads up, Melissa is here and she has that British guy with her..." he trailed off.

Spencer rolled her eyes. "Oh, great," she mumbled.

During Christmas two years ago when they first met he kept insisting that the knot in her shoulder was her bursa sac and he could massage it out for her. It was too awkward after that and she used Jason as her human shield to keep the Brit away from her.

She smiled up at him and stole the beanie off his head to reveal his overgrown hair. "Glad to have you back, JJ," she commented before putting the beanie on her own head.

"Happy to be back. But I should warn ya, I didn't shower this morning which is why I put on the hat," he offered. Spencer made a look of disgust and tossed it back. "That's what I thought."

They got settled in to the living room and of course Melissa was speaking of her newest promotion to VP at her company. Melissa went into PR and if there was something a Hastings was good at after being a lawyer it was maintaining an image. Even Spencer had to admit the job suited her sister and she was happy she was happy.

Wren, her boyfriend, was a doctor and because of that their parents adored him. A doctor was probably second on the Hastings approved jobs for the spouses with lawyer being first.

A construction worker was probably last on the list just above garbage man. Her mother had been polite, but she knew her parents hated that she was with Toby. They didn't see that he had a future or at least a successful one and always hoped that Spencer would get bored of him and marry someone like Wren. Someone who would take care of her and was worthy of introduction at a Hastings family function.

Spencer could count the number of times Toby was formally invited over to spend time with the Hastings on her hand. The amount of times he snuck over, however, shall be left unknown to her parents.

She shook her head as if to rid the thoughts of Toby. She did not need to get in that state of mind in her parent's house.

"So Spencer, I saw you at the courthouse this week, but you were in a hurry. How did it go?" her mom questioned after fifteen minutes of non-stop Melissa and Wren talk.

The question surprised her. "I, uh, good!" she answered too excitedly. Jason chuckled at her, causing her to kick him in the shin. "It's going good, we are finishing up tomorrow with closing arguments and hopefully we'll get the verdict."

"I'm sure she verbally kicked their ass," Jason insisted with a grin.

"Well, I have heard good things about you from Judge Ritenour," Veronica added. Spencer felt herself inflate. A compliment from her mother?

"He's a hard man to impress," Peter commented, lifting his drink to her before taking a sip.

Was this her home? Were these her parents? It felt like a parallel universe.

It was like Jason knew she was in shock and elbowed her in the ribs lightly and sent another smile her way.

Jason could never work a day in his life and be fine with the kind of money he had gotten in his grandmother's death and the loss of his family. He did work though. He worked at Rosewood High and helped the "loss causes" off and on throughout the year. It was good for him.

She supposed she really didn't have to work either. Her trust fund kicked in once she graduated college as the contract required, it was money set aside from her father's mother who had passed away and money her parents had been adding to it since she was born.

The point was that he didn't have to deal with getting criticized like she did. Jason, because of his entrance to the family, hardly had his life commented on because he could make his own way. Their parents never paid for him to do anything, not college, not a car, not an apartment while going through college. Spencer, however, had accepted money for all of that and therefore had to deal with snide comments for the rest of her life.

So the sudden onslaught of compliments heading her way was very welcoming, but also unsettling. Did they have an ulterior motive? Were they going to lecture her about her job again?

"I can't keep it in anymore, I'm getting married!" Melissa suddenly announced before holding her left hand out like there was a spotlight on it.

And there it was. She felt her heart stop, her lungs no longer knew how to do their job, and she sat beside her mother and brother without saying a word.

They were trying to make her feel good before dropping the bomb on her. Melissa was engaged. They knew, at least her parents knew. It was the whole reason for this dinner. Jason was just there to butter Spencer up, not because it was just a nice time to have all the children together at once.

"Spencer, aren't you happy for your sister?" Peter questioned, his eyes flicking from sister to sister.

Spencer put on her best fake smile and stood to hug the girl. "So happy. Congratulations, Mel," she whispered and tried to keep the memory at bay.

_"I am so proud of you, Spence," her boyfriend said once again as they ate the picnic lunch in the bed of his truck overlooking the town that was Rosewood. He had picked her up after the last final of her undergraduate career and brought her home, per her request. She didn't graduate for another week and wanted to spend some time with her friends before heading back to pack up her apartment and do other last minute things._

_She smiled and finished chewing the bite of her sandwich before answering. "That means the most coming from you," she whispered. "You've helped me through so much, Toby, I feel like you should get a degree in dealing with me all these years."_

_He grinned at her. "You make it sound like work. It wasn't. I'd do anything for you, Spencer Jo Hastings."_

_"Well, obviously Toby Brighton Cavanaugh," she replied and he grimaced at his middle name. "Hey, you broke out the middle names, buddy, no complaining," she reminded him and he smiled softly. "But I'm serious Toby, you practically lived at UPenn with me and put so many miles on this truck I have no idea how it is still in commission. You dealt with my school craziness, my family, my friends-"_

_"Spencer, Spencer, stop," he urged. "I love you; I never minded making the trip out to see you. I mean, you had your own place so it wasn't like there was any sort of hassle. I can deal with your family and your friends are my friends, okay? There is nothing about you I would change, so don't make it sound like being with you has been some type of chore when it absolutely wasn't. I love you."_

_"How the hell did I end up with you?" Spencer questioned, smiling widely._

_She honestly didn't know what she would have done without the boy for the last six years. God, they'd been together for six years already? It seemed like yesterday she came to his house for French tutoring._

_He had done so much for her. Taken construction jobs near her college just to be with her. Picked up and left Rosewood at a moment's notice if she called him with any kind of problem. He made her live her life, not just suffer through it to impress her parents or feel good enough to be considered a Hastings. He made her feel alive._

_"I ask myself that same question every day," Toby admitted. "I thank God every day you chose me."_

_"I don't like to think of it that way," Spencer stated. "I like to think that fate chose us. That you needed a French tutor right when I was available to be it." She had needed more extracurriculars at the time to build up her college application and tutoring had been approved of by her mother._

_"I'm going to make you into a romantic yet, Hastings," Toby sighed and kissed her soundly on the lips. "Now, I had more of a reason than to just celebrate the end of the first part of your college career with this picnic," he informed her._

_"To celebrate that I am going to law school at Hollis so we can live together? Because once I have that degree in my hands I get my trust fund and am out from underneath my parent's thumb?" she questioned excitedly._

_"Partly," he answered with a nod, smiling at her enthusiasm. "But did you notice what kind of food I brought to this picnic?"_

_Spencer looked down at the simple sandwiches and chips. "Um, no? Sorry," she laughed._

_"Remember when you told me how you ran away when you were little?" he asked. "You made a-"_

_"A chicken salad sandwich," she finished for him. "You made me a chicken salad sandwich because...?" she trailed off, a bit confused as to where this was going. "You want to runaway together?"_

_Toby shook his head. "No, not exactly," he answered and got on his knee in front of her in the bed of the truck. Spencer's eyes widened. "Spencer, I don't want to runaway together. I did this as a kind of metaphor. I want to marry you, Spencer Hastings. I wanted this to be a metaphor for you leaving your family and joining mine. Well, just me, I suppose. I know you don't want to get married until you finish law school and I am fine with that, but I want you to know that this is what I want. You are what I want. I don't care if it takes me across the country or we end up in this town for the rest of our lives. I want nothing more than to marry you, Spence. And I know this probably isn't the way you envisioned someone proposing to you, but-"_

_"Oh, just do it already Cavanaugh!" she interrupted, tears coming down from the corner of her eyes._

_Toby shook his head at her with a smile and removed a ring box from his pocket. "Will you marry me?"_

_Spencer nodded and catapulted herself in his arms so hard he fell backwards on the blankets in the bed of the truck. "Yes, yes I will marry you!"_

_It didn't matter if he proposed to her in some extravagant way. That wasn't Toby and that wasn't their relationship. But this... this was the perfect way and she couldn't be happier._

Dinner had been hard to get through. Melissa went on and on about the wedding she was already planning and spoke of trying on their mother's dress to see how it looked on her. Veronica was ecstatic and the two raced upstairs to test it out.

Peter had welcomed Wren into the family with a hug and some of his best scotch. The two had been engrossed in heavy conversation since.

Melissa was engaged. Spencer had been engaged. Wren was being welcomed into the family by Peter in a way Jason had never felt around his biological father. It seemed no matter how hard the two worked they always felt like the black sheep of the family and now Jason had someone to be jealous of just as Spencer did.

"Times like this I could use a drink," Jason stated, joining Spencer out on the porch. She had stepped out for air more than fifteen minutes ago. Spencer looked up at him disdainfully. "Just kidding, SJ, calm down."

Spencer sighed and leaned back in her chair. "And here I thought they were actually approving of what I do in life."

"I approve of what you do in life," he offered, sitting on the other end of the chair. "You're great at everything you do, SJ. I know they compare you to Melissa, but fuck them. You're amazing and happy with your choices, right?" he asked and she nodded. "Then fuck them. Be happy and don't let them ruin that for you, okay?"

She smiled at him. "Thanks JJ," she murmured. "If you weren't here I am pretty sure I would have pulled all of Melissa's hair out by now. She's showing off that thing like it's a rare jewel. It's just a diamond."

"A pretty big-ass diamond," Jason added on. She glared. "What? It is! I'm pretty sure they took what hit the Titanic and put it on a white gold band."

"The Titanic ran into an iceberg, Jason."

"You know what I mean."

"Whatever."

"Don't get snippy with me!"

"I'm _not_ being snippy!" Jason just looked at her. "Okay, I'm being snippy, sue me for it."

"Hell no, you're a lawyer, you'd win," he teased. Spencer couldn't help but smile. "Ah, there's the little sister I know and love!" She laughed a little again. "Spencer, life can be really shitty sometimes, we both know that from experience. Don't let this drag you down. I mean would you rather be marrying that Prince Harry wannabe?"

Spencer crinkled her nose. "Who would want to be Prince Harry? It's William that is going to take the throne," she corrected him.

"You know I am saying, Spencer," he insisted.

"No, people think the accent is a turn on. Unless he's reciting _Harry Potter_ lines I am just fine with a good ole American," she stated. "Besides, if he tries to touch one more of my sacs he might have a black eye and this could turn into a Hastings family get together yet. Just imagine, me punching Melissa's fiancée, her crying about how much I ruin her life, me insisting Wren is a perv and no one believing me. It'll be just like usual!"

Jason smiled at her nonsense and ruffled her hair. "If it makes you feel better we can have a _Harry Potter_ marathon tonight? Just me and you, your place or mine. Some pizza and ice cream, just like old times."

"I can say all the lines as they do on the TV and you won't complain?"

Jason shook his head. "Not even once."

"Deal."

-:-:-:-

Friday couldn't come soon enough. She had won in court, received recognition from her boss, and things hadn't been as awkward with Andrew as she thought they would be.

Still, Spencer was just ready for the week to be over. She needed to get this week behind her so she could start the next one anew. It felt like it had been too much too soon—all the memories of Toby and kissing someone else and Melissa's announcement. But all she could do was push on.

She was also ready to spend time with her best friend, blowing off some steam. The blonde had texted her twice and called once to ensure Spencer would be able to make it to her apartment that night. She didn't know what the big deal was about, but she was sure it was something big.

Spencer had a hunch it could be Hanna's way of telling her she was engaged too. It would sting, in all honesty, but she would be _so_ happy for Hanna. She deserved it; she and Caleb had been through so much together—three break ups, parental problems, trust issues, and everything in between.

Besides, it wasn't going to be her as Maid of Honor. Aria got that job. They had agreed long ago to switch off who was Maid of Honor in each of their weddings. Hanna immediately called Spencer, insisting her family had the most money so it was the one she could do the most with. She was to be Emily's, Emily to be Aria's, and so on.

But with the way the two had been fighting recently the reason Spencer was "absolutely needed" at Hanna's apartment at six o'clock sharp could really be anything. It didn't help that Spencer hated surprises and Hanna was giving no details about the affair.

Her phone ringing as she exited the Wine & Spirits store broke her from her thoughts.

She answered without looking at the caller ID. "Hell-o?" she answered awkwardly since both of her hands were full.

"_Spencer!_" the other two halves of their four piece ensemble greeted.

She was obviously on speaker phone. They did this often. Emily and Aria did live together in Philadelphia. Emily had become a fitness trainer/swim coach while Aria was working as an assistant to a photographer while writing on the side and trying to get published. She also had formed a weekly book reading for up and comer's like herself to show their stuff and promote themselves. They were both doing really well.

"Hey guys," she greeted happily.

_"How are you holding up?"_ Emily asked tentatively. All three of her best friends knew of her sister's engagement. She had sent a mass SOS to them once she was released from the House of Hastings.

"I am ready to get this week over with and work through the next one," she answered honestly. "I'm finally handling the Toby situation in a healthy-ish way, as Hanna says, and I am happy for my sister. I just wish she would tame the happy when I'm around," she explained.

_"Good for you, Spencer,"_ Aria chimed in. _"It's time for you to move on. I mean, your twenties won't last forever,"_ she half-joked.

"Don't let Hanna hear you say that," she teased as she sat in her car. The girls were all about twenty six now and Hanna still was in denial about it. She planned on heading to Hanna's early and bringing some "good" wine since she was celebrating having the weekend off. "But you're right; I am finally working through it. I just wish my heart didn't feel like its being ripped out of my chest every time I try to keep moving forward."

_"If anyone can do this it's you, Spencer,"_ Emily assured her.

"Thanks," Spencer smiled to herself.

Even though she saw them once a week, it still wasn't the same as them living in town. They didn't have their famous foursome sleepovers that usually ended up with Hanna's ass in her face, Aria's cold feet pressing against her shins and Emily's snoring. They weren't able to shut down the Brew together because Emily no longer worked there and therefore had no keys. She missed the days of them having little to no worries while looking through magazines in one of their rooms while Hanna chatted insistently about something or other. She missed going to Emily's swim meets and teasing Aria about how teeny she was and how easily she jumped during scary movies.

_"Spencer? You still there?"_ Aria questioned.

"Uh, yeah, sorry," she snapped back to reality. "What'd I miss?"

_"Aria has to get going to set up for her book meeting and I am helping an aspiring swimmer train for the season. We just called to check up on ya,"_ Emily informed her.

"Thanks guys, it means a lot," she assured them. "Alright, love you!"

_"Love you,"_ both girls chorused before they hung up.

Jason was right; life was shitty sometimes, but it was important to remember the good things. She had a job she loved, amazing friends, a stable family, a wonderful brother, and well, your health is always something to be happy about. She just had to remember that even though it hurt now she would eventually be over Toby and hopefully could move on with no doubts.

For some reason she was almost giddy as she headed up to Hanna and Caleb's shared apartment. As the manager of the hottest boutique in town Hanna usually scheduled her weekends light since she "practically lived there" during the week. She loved her job; she was able to design her own clothes and got an awesome discount to go along with it. Hanna one day planned to open up her own boutique, but for now she was happy where she was.

The door was unlocked and Spencer was happy she didn't have to pull out her keys to enter the apartment.

"Hey! So I know I'm early, but I brought coffee and wine, not to go together of course, but-" she stopped when she looked up at the occupants of the room.

She blinked, hoping her eyes were deceiving her.

Toby Cavanaugh was _not_ back in town _and_ in her best friend's apartment, was he?

* * *

**DUN DUN DUN. HE'S FINALLY HERE!**

**What do you guys think? I hope it didn't feel like I was cramming too much in one chapter. **

**I promised at least Caleb and Emily, but I hope you'll settle for a call from Aria and Emily? They BOTH will be in the next one, promise!  
****Anyone know why Toby left yet?  
And in case you didn't realize Jason is one of my guilty pleasure characters. I just love him.**

**Review please! I love them and they keep me writing! **

**- Kay**


	4. Chapter 4

**OMG GUYS THANKS SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING :) you make me flyyyy (sorry, that's a quote from Friends-which I am watching)**

**Did you watch PLL this week? AHH Toby is FINALLY in the next one! Hawtie.**

**I'm glad you liked the last chapter! I hope to clear up any discrepancies that were mentioned in reviews.  
This chapter may seem filler-y and parts of it are because I am trying to hone in on how I think Spencer would react immediately afterwards.  
For more Author's Note look at the end when you're finished reading!**

**Also the dress inside is the one she wore to the Father/Daughter dance.**

**Onto Chapter 4!**

* * *

Spencer froze.

It was a dream, it had to be.

He wasn't sitting on her best friend's couch. He simply wasn't.

He wasn't sitting there in gray jeans and a white, long sleeved t-shirt that was just tight enough on his biceps. He wasn't sitting there with his not styled at all, yet perfect inch long hair. He wasn't sitting there staring at her with his ocean blue eyes that she so often got lost in during the years they were together. He was not sitting there with his strong jawline and dimple chin she kissed more times than she could count.

He just was not sitting there at all.

And then he stood as he spoke, "Spence..." and she knew he was real.

He was real and he was there and he spoke and the only thing Spencer could think to do was turn around and walk away.

So that was what she did.

She walked away so fast Hanna didn't catch up to her until she was outside of the apartment building.

"Spencer! Spencer!" her friend was calling after her.

Spencer heard her, but didn't bother to stop. She didn't stop until she was back in her car with the doors locked and she knew he couldn't get to her. Because he was real and she never expected him to be real like that again.

There was a knock on the window and Spencer jumped, still holding the wine bottle in her hand. She didn't know where the coffee went and she didn't care either.

She looked and saw Hanna staring back at her with an apologetic face so sincere Spencer couldn't help but unlock the door without having to be asked. Hanna got in quietly.

"That wasn't what it looked like," Hanna stated after a few moments of silence.

"He was real," Spencer simply whispered in return. "I-I I dreamed of that so many times, Han," she said with a buildup of liquid in her eyes. "Th-that he came back with this brilliant explanation an-and I ran into his arms and I lived happily ever after," she went on, her voice becoming hard. "But it was never real. That was real."

Hanna could only nod.

"Wh-why was that real?" Spencer questioned a crack in her tone. "Why was that real?!" she asked so loudly that Hanna jumped.

"Spencer," Hanna started and turned her body to face her friend. "I- the reason I asked you over was to tell you that... to tell you that-"

"That's he's back?" Spencer demanded to know, a stray tear falling. "And you decided to tell me that with him there?"

"No!" Hanna insisted with a shake of her head. "You were like over an hour early. He just- he came over to talk to me... and Caleb. Mostly Caleb. I am so sorry, Spencer, please believe me. I am so sorry," she repeated.

Spencer sniffled and held her face in her hands. "Why is he back?" she croaked.

"He's moving back. He told- well, Caleb told me that he finished school and he is starting a business or something. After that it turned into fighting and I haven't really gotten much information since then. I haven't wanted any, truthfully. He hurt you- no, he broke you and I didn't want to have any part of him moving back here but Caleb and him... they are still friends, Spencer, and I don't know if Caleb knows why everything went down the way it did, but," she stopped. "You weren't supposed to see him like that. I was going to tell you and take it from there. I told him that I was not happy with him coming back, but if he was going to he was not going to surprise you on the street or your apartment or something. That just is not fair. I've been trying to protect you, I swear," Hanna rambled on.

Spencer nodded. "I know," she whispered. Hanna was looking out for her, that she could tell.

Maybe if she was in a different state of mind she would have the energy to be mad, but for now all she could think about was the boy upstairs in her best friend's apartment with the ocean blue eyes and the dimple chin she wanted to kiss like she had so many times before.

They thought she was asleep hours later. She might have been for a while, she didn't know. Everything was a blur.

Hanna took her home, sent the SOS to the other two, and sat Spencer down on the couch with tea as if it could calm her.

She just sat on the couch, the tea in her hands until it turned cool, her mind racing.

He was back? He finished school? He had been in school full time? He had gone to Hollis on and off over the years, when he had the money to spare, but with no direction—just knowing he should further himself somehow. What was his degree in?

He was back. Why was he back? Was it because of her? Was she supposed to just forgive him and run into his arms and somehow everything would be okay again? He was starting a business? In what, construction? Did he even still do that?

He was back. What if he was back to tell her he found someone else, maybe a way to build a bridge between them? Because it was the respectful thing to do. Toby always wanted to do the respectful thing, it was just who he was. But he wasn't very respectful when he left, in the way he left. What if he moved her here and she had to see the bitch every day with the man she loved because she would always love him. She didn't know how not to love him, it was part of who she was.

She had been trying to find a way to make more room in her heart for someone else—so maybe she could find someone else she could be happy with like before with Toby. What if he already found a way to do that? It wasn't fair. He couldn't be the one to walk away and move on first.

She didn't want to cry. She hadn't cried yet. And she knew if she started it would be a while until she stopped. She was getting sick of crying over Toby Cavanaugh, but it never seemed like enough.

How could she still love him? How could a part of her still be in love with him after all he'd done, all he'd ruined? It wasn't fair. None of this was fucking fair. As soon as she is trying to get to a place to move on without him, to live life without him, really live, he comes back? Unfair.

But when had life ever been fair to Spencer? With the way her family was, with how her sister was, with how her brother lost his family, with how she lost Toby. As if all of a sudden it was going to start being fair.

They thought she was sleeping because when the tea went cold Hanna told her to lie down and gave her a blanket, unsure of what else to do. She had never been the nurturing one that was more Emily or even Aria. She loved her friend without a doubt and wanted to help, but she didn't know how. So right then with Spencer acting like a zombie she treated her like one until back up arrived. And when it had Spencer was asleep—not that she minded. A break from Spencer's mind was just what Spencer needed and sleep would do that.

"She's not going to want to eat, Aria," Hanna was saying.

"There isn't exactly a manual for this, Han! People eat when their stressed, maybe this is one of those times. What do you want to do?" the small brunette responded.

"I don't know! Take a bat to Toby's kneecaps?" Hanna replied. "Tie him up and let Spencer get in a few hits and force him to tell us what happened?"

"Hanna," Emily chimed in. "That is not only not helping, but not plausible," she insisted. "Toby's huge and none of us exactly have the strength to take him down."

"Yeah, because _that_ is the problem with that plan," Aria retorted. "We can't take a bat to his kneecaps; we're not cronies of some bookie! We're here to help Spencer, not punish Toby. One problem at a time, okay?"

"I'm kind of here to punish Toby," Hanna insisted. "And help Spencer of course, but you're telling me if Toby was here and tied up you wouldn't take one swing after what he's done to her?" she asked.

"Can we please focus?" Emily spoke up again. "What are we going to do when Spencer wakes up?"

"Spencer is up," Spencer sighed as she sat up on the couch. "Hi, guys," she greeted her friends with a fake smile.

"Oh, sweetie," Aria crooned, coming to sit next to her and took a hand in hers. "How are you feeling?" she wondered.

Spencer shook her head and shrugged. "I don't even know," she answered honestly. "I'm sorry you had to pick up and come here like this," she added on softly.

"I mean this from the bottom of my heart, Spencer. Shut up," Aria stated. "We're your best friends, of course we came."

Emily nodded and took a seat on the other side of her. "We're just not exactly sure what to do," she said honestly.

"Me neither," Spencer agreed, running a hand through her long, brown hair. "I just- there are so many things I want to ask and so many things I am scared to know the answer to," she murmured. "I don't know what to do," she said, her eyes beginning to water. "Fuck, I'm sorry."

"Don't say you're sorry," Hanna stated. "You're allowed to cry. I know you don't like to show it, but with us you're allowed to feel anything, okay?" she said and Spencer nodded, trying to smile, but couldn't quite manage it. "We got you food. Pizza and some other wonderful greasy things, your favorites from the Grille," she offered.

"Thanks," Spencer sniffled, trying to keep her feelings in check. She wasn't hungry, but if she ate something, anything, she knew her friends would at least feel like they were helping her somehow. Them being there was enough for her, but they needed proof of it. "I-I'm not ready to talk about it yet. I've barely been able to think straight since I saw him so," she stopped. "Maybe we can just watch a movie? Something to get my mind off of it."

"Whatever you want," Emily agreed and squeezed her hand.

She wanted to cry. She wanted to cry all over them. She wanted to scream and shout and ask why. She wanted to throw things, break everything, set fire to the box of his things in her closet. For a moment Hanna's plan sounded amazing—tying Toby up and taking a couple swings. But she could never do that, at least not in that way.

He was tangible now, able to be touched, smelt, looked at, all of it. It would be a lie if she said she didn't imagine the dream coming to life. The dream where he came back with some brilliant explanation of why he left and she ran into his arms and he kissed her so thoroughly her knees gave out and they lived happily ever after. She dreamed it, she wished it, and now that he was here she couldn't bear to be in the same room with him again, at least not yet.

Because she couldn't just run into his arms. Because there wasn't any excuse for doing what he did to her. Because even if she could forgive she couldn't forget and walking into his arms right now was not an option, even if her body was longing to.

Even after all of it she wanted to touch him, to kiss him, to feel him, but she was stronger than that. She had more pride than that and knew she deserved better than to just see him and say it was all okay because it wasn't okay. The pain he caused her, the heartache so deep her body hurt too, it deserved more than just a simple apology.

Spencer let the other three pick the movie. She didn't know if she was even able to pay attention to it, but she hoped she could. She ate a little, just for her friends benefit.

They ended up choosing some scary movie on Netflix. Aria always jumped at the littlest thing during those movies and Spencer usually loved to watch her friend's reactions just to laugh at them. Hanna usually talked all through it, saying how stupid all the people were and that was the reason they died. It was the bad movies on Netflix Spencer enjoyed most with her friends—those were the ones they could all talk through and still enjoy the film.

Maybe that was why they chose it, she didn't know. She was just so grateful for them being there, all four of them curled up together on her couch. It was as if they were her strength and she was drawing it in from them. They were her family and they always would be. Anybody else could come and go but these three girls were here to stay and there were no doubts about that.

And she was so thankful for that especially in those moments when her mind betrayed her with thoughts of Toby and how they used to be together, even when they weren't technically together yet.

_How do you walk up to the boy you spent over two hours making out with the night before?_

_"Hey, I don't know about you, but my night was fantastic!" Spencer shook her head. "Hey sweet lips." Sweet lips? What? "I had fun with French last night, or should I say Frenching?" Ugh, with every new like she sounded like some pathetic frat boy, but she didn't know how to handle this._

_She usually had more confidence than this with boys. She could flirt and smile at the right times, but with Toby she didn't want to play those dating games. It was so different with him, he treated her different._

_With her last boyfriend Alex, it wasn't... butterfly inducing. She got excited to see him, sure, but not like Toby. Just standing there at the end of the hall while creepily watching him from around a corner gave her butterflies. She wanted to touch him, smell him; she wanted him to kiss her like he had the night before. Just staring at him with his head in the locker as he wore a pair of jeans, white t-shirt, and black leather jacket made her want to attack him in a janitor's closet._

_Alex always pushed for more. Within ten minutes his hands roamed, some of the top layers started coming off, and soon the kissing would stop and he wanted more. It was never forced, but it was never at her pace either._

_Toby... Toby kissed her for more than two hours and no clothes came off. He kissed her for a half an hour before their tongues even came into play. He kissed her for two hours and his hands barely touched her butt. His hands moved alright, but they went from her hair to her neck to her sides and the small of her back._

_He kissed her thoroughly, more thoroughly than she had ever been kissed before. It was like... like a lip orgasm or something._

_She rolled her eyes at herself. That wasn't even a thing, but if it was Toby completely did it to her._

_So how did she approach him? Because she wanted to talk to him, to touch him, to mangle his lips with hers. Ugh, what? He made her... not her, in a good way. He made her giggle and blush and want to push him down and take him right there in the hall._

_She ran a hand through her hair. "There should be a freakin' instruction manual for this," she mumbled to herself._

_How did something as innocent as tutoring him in French lead to her being afraid to talk to him in the hall at school? Oh right, they started to talk and become friends and spent an innocent night in a hotel room together playing Scrabble and accidentally snuggling as they slept and his chest was drool worthy and drool worthy like that did not happen to her. And then he kissed her and became an addiction, one she didn't want to quit._

_"What are you doing?"_

_Spencer shrieked and turned. "Aria!" she exclaimed. "Don't sneak up on me like that."_

_"I didn't know I was sneaking! Sorry, geez, what are you doing?" her dark haired friend wondered._

_"I, um," Spencer started. "I don't know," she finished with a groan._

_Aria looked behind her. "Oh, Toby watch, got it. By the way, I think he heard you scream because he's heading this way," she informed her._

_Spencer's eyes widened. "What?"__She turned just in time to come in contact with his chest. "Toby, hi!" she greeted._

_"Bye Spencer, see you in third period," Aria called as she walked away. Spencer wanted to at least pinch her._

_Toby leaned against the wall, his backpack sac over one shoulder. How did someone so genuinely good somehow look bad ass at the same time? "Hey Spence."_

_Spencer swallowed the butterflies in her throat. "H-Hi," she repeated in a breathy voice. "I- how was your night?" she asked and he grinned. "I meant after, you know, we," she stopped._

_"It was boring," Toby answered. Spencer's eyes widened in fright. "After I left your place," he added on._

_She visibly relaxed. "I- me too. Did homework, stuff like that, you know me."_

_Toby nodded, his eyes honing in on hers. Spencer's heart jumped to her throat. "Do you want to study tonight?" he questioned. She opened her mouth to answer, but he cut her off. "I mean, I loved last night, but I am still failing French so... we should probably do that. At least for a while."_

_Spencer smiled. "Deal. Maybe you can get a reward for pronouncing all your verbs correct," she suggested, getting control of her bearings._

_Toby grinned back at her. "I will study before I come over," he promised. "Just so I nail those pronunciations."_

_"Good. I'll make you fluent yet, Cavanaugh," she insisted._

_"What're your feelings on slight PDA, Hastings?" he questioned, stepping closer._

_Her eyes lowered. "How slight?" she whispered._

_Toby moved in and pressed his lips to hers so lightly it was barely a kiss before he pulled away._

_"I- too slight," she protested, grabbing onto his shirt and pulled him to her._

_He smiled into the kiss and wrapped his arms around her waist.__The bell rang above them and Spencer groaned when they parted._

_"Can I walk you to class?" he asked, his arms still wrapped around her._

_Spencer blushed for an unknown reason and nodded. "Of course."_

_She didn't care if people were staring, wondering why they were together or were whispering behind their backs._

_Toby made her happy. He was polite and kind and- he said "God bless you" when she sneezed and that was someone worth keeping. He opened doors for her, walked ahead of her in the hall to take the brunt of the masses. He made her feel comfortable like no one had before and she wouldn't care if people pointed at her._

_Toby made her happy. She wanted Toby._

She missed how simple it used to be. She wanted to be with him so she was. She loved him so she said it, well he said it first. He made her happy so she was. Everything was so complicated now. She missed the simplicity. Her life was full of complications with her parents and job and life, he brought out the simplicity in her, he was her rock.

Now she was lying awake in the middle of the night as her friends slept wishing for simplicity in her complicated life.

-:-:-:-

When Spencer woke up in the middle of the afternoon Hanna's ass was in her face, Aria had stolen the bottom of her blanket to warm her own feet, and Emily was snoring.

She laughed at the irony. She had missed this yesterday, but right now her feet were cold, she moved away from her friend's behind, and wished she could throw a pillow at the girl two body's down.

For a moment she thought it could have all been a dream. Seeing him, being in the same room with him, hearing her nickname pour from his lips. She shivered at the sound of his voice or the memory of his voice, at least. For a while though it was like she forgot it. She once read that voice is the first thing you lose from your memory when "forgetting" someone.

She was torn from her thoughts by a phone ringing. Hanna's phone, of course. All these years later and Hanna was still the "popular" one of the group.

The blonde rolled, effectively putting her ass in Spencer's face again, causing her to groan. "Yeah?" she answered the phone. "Spencer's. I don't know, maybe," all the girls listened in on the one-sided conversation. "Well maybe you should have thought about that when- oh yes you did! She needs all of us right now, Caleb. I think you can deal on your own for one more night."

Spencer hated that she was causing problems for the two. She loved them both and they shouldn't be in the middle of her drama, but knew Hanna wouldn't have that. She would insert herself in it if need be, especially for her friends.

"Me neither," Hanna continued. "Yes. I said yes, didn't I? The can opener is in the drawer with- no, the one next to the sink. The other side of the sink, Caleb! Yes. I'll call you later. Love you too." She groaned as she hung up. "We've lived together for months and he still doesn't know where shit is."

"Neither does Emily," Aria spoke up.

"What? I do too!" the snorer cut in.

"How you feeling, girl?" Hanna asked, turning over to face her.

"Better if you would keep your private parts out of my face," she answered honestly. "All night it's your ass, in the morning it's your boobs. We should just call this a three way relationship and let Caleb know I am part of the deal," she joked and all the girls laughed.

"You love it!" Hanna stated, pushing her breasts in Spencer's face. "But I always thought it would be Emily to do that," she teased with a wink sent the girl's way.

"Oh, I'm in on it," the girl replied, lunging over Aria to attack the other two.

Aria laughed and groaned at the same time. "Now I have Emily's vagina in my face!"

"Better tell Caleb it's a five some," Emily stated, moving to lay her head on Hanna's side and her legs on Aria.

Spencer smiled at her friends. "Who are we kidding, we're the four some and he's the odd ball out." All the girls nodded and laughed.

Convinced that it would make Spencer feel better after an all day "bonding sesh" Hanna suggested they go out. Spencer surprisingly agreed. She wanted to have fun with her friends, it was their first full weekend together in forever and she could think about Toby later. In fact, she was sure she would think about Toby later, so why not try and get her mind off of it now?

She changed her mind when Hanna chose Thorn—the new bar/latest place to be in town. They had come to a deal, if Spencer spent an hour and a half without complaining at Thorn they could go the Brew afterwards and get coffee and just hang out since it was open way late on Saturdays.

It felt like college all over again. Although usually Hanna could get Toby on her side and they would go out and she would have a great time. The only thing she was looking forward to was the alcohol. She wasn't one to drink all the time, but with her week and especially her yesterday she couldn't wait to get a few drinks in.

"This dress is horrible," Spencer insisted as they walked up to their destination.

"Was that a complaint?" Hanna questioned, turning on her.

"No!" Spencer said with wide eyes. "It's a comment because you put me in YOUR dress." Hanna disappeared for over an hour earlier in the night and came back with a gray, shimmery, faux leather dress that she insisted would look "perfect" on Spencer and she just had to try it on.

She had to admit, it did look good on her, it just wasn't something she was feeling to wear that night. The dress went mid-thigh, ruffled out in a few layers over her breasts before turning into the faux leather to go down her stomach. She left her hair down in loose curls with light, smoky make up and gray heels.

The blonde nodded. "A dress that is too tight on me and fits you like a glove. You look amazing so shut up!"

Aria nodded. "She is right," she agreed. "I mean, you look hott."

Spencer groaned and followed her friends with a frown on her face. She didn't smile until they reached the bar and she stayed there for over half an hour before her friends decided that was not the place for her anymore.

"You sit here and we will order you a soda or something," Emily suggested, helping Spencer up onto the high chair. "Nice job, Han," she grumbled a moment later.

"What? She's happy, isn't she?" Hanna responded with a grin.

"She's three drinks away from puking all over your shoes," Aria corrected. "She's almost more of a light weight than me."

"Almost," Spencer agreed and took another sip of her mixed drink.

"Give me that," Aria said and took the drink from her.

Spencer frowned. "Aria!" She reached for it, but Aria held it away from her.

"Geez, what is this? Straight vodka?" Aria asked after taking a whiff. Spencer shrugged with a sheepish grin. "When she is yakking tonight, you're the one taking care of her," she informed Hanna who scoffed.

"Spencer?" she heard next to her and so she turned, although much slower than usual. "Spencer, hey," the man greeted.

She smiled. "Andrew! Guys, its Andrew!" Spencer greeted and grabbed his arm to look through hers. "Andrew, these are my guys, Hanna and Aria... there is another one, Emily, but she went to get me something non-alcoholic to drink," she introduced.

"Andrew, nice to meet you," Hanna said with a knowing smile. "I've heard a LOT about you," she insisted.

Andrew turned pink and Spencer laughed. "I have too, about you, I mean. I heard about you and your boyfriend in Spencer's cabin," he joked back, fully aware of Hanna's subtle teasing

Never one to embarrass Hanna just smiled with a nod. "One of my finer moments, eh Spencer?" she asked with a wink.

Spencer grinned. "Do you wanna go get a drink with me Andrew?" she asked, hopping down off the chair and tripped slightly, causing Andrew to catch her. "My friend took mine away and hasn't come back yet."

"I- yes, sure," he answered.

She ignored Aria's tug of her other arm and went with Andrew towards the bar. She didn't spot Emily anywhere and with no one around to stop her she ordered another mixed drink that was more alcohol than non.

"It's funny running into you here. I didn't think this was your scene," Andrew mentioned once they ordered.

Spencer exaggeratedly nodded. "Yeah, my friends decided to take me out. I'm having fun though, aren't you?" she attempted to flirt.

"Yeah, yeah, I am just out with a few friends, getting a few beers, you know," he answered.

Spencer tilted her head up at him. He was about as tall as Toby, but more bulky with blue-green eyes. His chin wasn't as defined and he had zero chin dimple. She loved Toby's chin dimple.

He must have thought she was staring in more than just a drunken analyzation because all of a sudden his lips were on her and she gasped a little. He took it as a good thing and continued to kiss her. Spencer's eyes widened as his tongue entered her mouth and she pulled away after another moment.

She busied herself by taking a sip of her drink that had appeared while they were kissing, she assumed.

"I, um," Andrew started, embarrassed.

Spencer shook her head. "No, you're fine," she assured him, but wasn't sure if she was. Was she only going to ever kiss Andrew when she was drinking? And each time was it just going to remind her of how Toby used to make her feel because she didn't feel it with him?

Andrew awkwardly took a swig of his own drink.

Spencer looked across the bar and finally spotted Emily, but she wasn't alone. She was with Caleb... and Toby. She looked like she was fighting with them, more so Caleb than Toby and that confused her. Why was she more mad at Caleb? Shouldn't Toby be the one she was mad at?

All of a sudden Toby backed up with his hands in surrender and went to exit the bar. "I, uh, I will be right back," Spencer excused herself and took off across the bar, moving faster than she should have been if she was past tipsy.

She also had no idea what she was doing. Why was she following Toby? Yesterday- hell, earlier today all she wanted to do was forget him and wish she hadn't seen him the night before.

"What are you doing here?" she questioned loudly, ignoring slight chill in the early spring air. Toby froze mid-step. "Yes, it is me talking to you. What are you doing here?" she asked and he turned around. She focused on the ground and only spoke again when his shoes came into her vision. "And I don't mean here, as in the bar, I mean Rosewood."

It was then she let herself look at him. He was only in a black t-shirt and blue jeans, but somehow his blue eyes shone through the darkness. They were in the back alley of the bar with no one around. He was staring right back at her and she felt herself shiver.

"Don't make me ask you again," she stated.

"Go back inside, Spencer," he simply answered.

She shook her head. "Not until I get my answer. What are you doing here? Is it about that business Hanna said you were starting? Why here?"

"I'm not going to do this with you right now. Please go back inside," he insisted.

"You- you're not going to do this with me right now? Really?" she continued, her anger flaring. "Well, when will I be worth your time, Toby? When I run into you on the street, maybe at the grocery store? Just let me know when I can finally get some fucking answers around here," she said, the alcohol fueling her anger.

"Spencer, not now, okay? You've been drinking, just go back inside and let your friends take care of you," he pleaded, stepping closer.

"No!" she exclaimed. "You can't just come back here like this, like it's no big deal, you're not allowed," she insisted. "So tell me, why are you here? Did you meet some girl out in the big city or wherever you were and come back here to marry her?"

Toby looked like he would have laughed if she wasn't trying to pick a fight with him. "What? No. Spencer, please just go back in-"

"Stop telling me what to do!" she exploded, pushing his chest, causing him to stumble backwards a little. "You don't get to come back and try to take care of me or-or pawn me off on someone else so they can do it. I have been taking care of myself for the past two damn years and I've been doing just fine," she told him.

Toby's jaw clenched. "Fine, you can take care of yourself, just go back in and do whatever you want so I can leave."

"I kissed another guy tonight," Spencer found herself admitting.

His hands turned into fists. "Spencer-"

"And it wasn't the first time either. I did the other night too, in my apartment, on the couch," she went on. "He's a good guy, you know. Someone my parents would approve of, a lawyer with nice, church-going parents."

"Then why don't you go back inside and be with him?" he asked, trying not to let his anger get the best of him. He couldn't do this, not here, not like this.

"Because he isn't you!" she just about yelled. "It's been two fucking years and all that I can do is think about you and it's not fair," she went on, pushing on his chest again. "And then you just come back and look like you and you still-" she stopped herself and turned around to hide her tears from him.

She felt him behind her. "Spencer, please, just go inside, okay? We- we'll talk later," he pleaded softly.

Spencer wiped her eyes and turned only to find him right behind her. Another inch and they would've been touching. "How can you come back and make me feel like you did before, like nothing ever happened?" she asked quietly, looking up into his eyes. Toby just pursed his lips and looked down at her. "I-I kissed that guy and I felt _nothing_. I've made out with him and just felt _guilty_. And- and you just come back and stand close to me and I feel more than I have in years," she whispered. "Why?"

"I don't know, Spence, but we can't-"

She stopped him by tugging on his neck and brought his lips down to hers.

* * *

**Okay so I hate the second half of this chapter, I kind of like the last parts with Toby... I don't know, none of it just seemed to come out right.**

**Anyways, do you like?  
I tried to channel Spencer the best I could. I think she would want to be in denial a bit, at least in the beginning.  
****The next chapter will be Toby POV-ish.**

**Review please, I feel horrible about this chapter :( **

**- Kay**


	5. Chapter 5

**OMG Thanks you guys! You're encouragement is that makes me want to write the next chapters! **

**Special shout out to the guest Megan for making me smile extra wide with her review!  
Thank you for saying this is one of the best Spoby fics you've ever read. And don't worry, Spencer will definitely have her weak moments, but I have plans! I have lots of plans!**

**PLL WOW. Toby in a cop uniform? HELL YEAH.**

**I'm glad you liked Toby and Spencer fighting! I am trying to not give too much away about the way Toby left and why he left.  
I am just glad I am doing these characters justice!**

**Chapter 5. Enjoy.  
A large part of this will be from Toby POV.**

* * *

It was the alcohol flowing through her system and she knew it. Sober she probably wouldn't have even gone near him with a ten foot pole, at least not any time soon. But being drunk and with him so close all she wanted to do was touch him. Her lips moved with his with a sense of familiarity.

Spencer felt every dull nerve ending in her body ignite with passion for the first time in over two years. It amazed her how he could still bring this side out of her, even after all he had done, after all they had been through, after all the time that had passed.

Then all of a sudden Toby had her against the brick of the building and his hands quickly went underneath her bum to lift her up a little so they could kiss easier. Her fingers threaded through his hair, feeling the soft, silky strands and pulling on it a little too. She had missed it. She missed everything. Her fingers combed through his hair probably more than a brush did while they were together.

He bit her lip and she moaned and it was like Toby snapped back to reality. He put her down and left her heaving against the wall as he turned away and shook his head.

"Spence, we can't..." he trailed off, hands rubbing his face.

She grabbed his elbow and pulled him back to her. "We can. Kiss me, Toby," she murmured, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. She loved the feeling of his body against hers. It was like her addiction had stayed dormant until now. Now she was hooked all over again.

He pressed his forehead against hers and let out a long sigh. She breathed him in and smiled at the cologne, saw dust, and coffee. Toby. It was all Toby. For the first time in forever her heart didn't have a panging ache attached to each beat.

"Kiss me," she repeated, rubbing their noses together lightly. He used to love doing that, especially after she admitted that it caused her to melt a little every time he did it. She brushed her lips against his softly.

Toby groaned and pressed his lips to hers, giving in. Spencer grinned and using her hold of his neck as leverage and looped her leg around his waist. In return his hand squeezed at her bare skin and their tongues began to touch.

It was more than Spencer felt in years. For the first time since he walked out on her she felt alive and she didn't want it to end.

But it did.

"Spencer!"

"Toby?"

Their friends found them, causing Toby to retract from her and stumble away. He shook his head like he had been under some type of spell. Her spell.

"What the hell are you doing?" Hanna demanded, coming over to grab Spencer's hand.

But she ripped it away. "Don't blame him, I kissed him first," she insisted, standing in front of the blue eyed boy and reached behind herself to grab at him.

His hand found hers out of instinct and he cursed himself. He couldn't do this, but he didn't pull away either.

"I don't care, you're drunk, he should know better," Emily cut in, glaring at the man behind her friend.

"I made him do it- I- it's fine," Spencer said, almost pleading.

She wanted it to be two minutes ago again. She wanted his lips on hers, the feel of his body below her fingertips, his smell in her nostrils. She wanted to feel alive. It was unlike her, but she wanted to go home with him, wherever that was for him. It was wrong, but it felt so right too. She just wanted to be left alone with him again.

Then Toby spoke. "Spence, go," she heard behind her. She turned on him. "Go with your friends," he urged, letting her hand go.

This time she was the one to stumble away, but thankfully her friends caught her. For some reason it was like Toby was walking out all over again. He was letting her go. She wanted to stay with him and he wanted her to go. She just held onto Hanna and Aria, trying to ignore the new pain in her heart and the chills that suddenly overwhelmed her.

Caleb followed the girls, but Emily stayed behind.

"Don't," Toby stated, holding a hand up to her.

"Don't what?" Emily replied. "Tell you how stupid you are? How irresponsible it is for you to do that to her? How could you do that, Toby? She's drunk, she doesn't know what she's doing," she insisted.

"I know that!" Toby exclaimed, pulling at the ends of his hair. "When you told me to leave I did. She followed me out, she asked for answers, she kissed me. I pulled away, but- I'm stupid, okay? I know. You don't have to rub it in."

"Yes, I do because- ugh Toby! I've been lying to my best friend about you. I've kept what you've been doing and where you have been a secret because you asked me to-"

"Don't make it out like that," Toby interrupted with hard eyes that looked like ice. "I didn't contact you, you found me, remember? I was fully aware that with Spencer was where you needed to be. I didn't try and bring anyone into the middle of this. You wanted answers. I didn't tell you anything. You decided to insert yourself in the middle, so don't act like I put you there," he insisted.

"What was I supposed to do?" Emily questioned. "You left her Toby, in the worst way. I wanted to help, but you wouldn't tell me anything. Then you tell me you're thinking of coming back and I have to find out from her that you actually did? How could you do that?"

"Look, I didn't expect to see her right away, that was an accident, she was early. Caleb forced me to go out tonight so I did. And I don't have to run my plans by you first, I know what I am doing," he told her.

"Oh, you know what you're doing?" Emily almost laughed.

"Yes!" Toby shot back.

Emily nodded with a scowl. "Did you know what you were doing when you left her? Did you know she would cry for days? Or that we would have to force her to get out of bed and shower and eat? Did you know that you were leaving a shell of the woman you loved behind?"

"Don't act like I don't know her," Toby growled. "I knew what my leaving would do. I just couldn't- she would have- you don't know everything!" he reminded her impatiently.

"If you knew then why would you leave? Because we both know that you're still in love with her, that you could never not love her," Emily said in a low, angry voice.

Toby clenched his jaw. He was not going to do this with her. "Just go get her home. They won't leave without you," he stated and turned around, leaving her behind in the alleyway.

He was stupid and he was aware of it, he didn't need the girl he once called a best friend to remind him. When he finally made his way back to the Brew after a long walk to cool off he climbed the steps to the loft and ignored the twisting of his gut.

It wasn't in the plan to stay at the loft, where he and Spencer had once made a home together. It was somewhat small, but he had built it up with his own two hands and it was a good place for them to live while he was saving up money and she was going through law school. She moved out after he left, Caleb had told him that.

While his details had been minimal Caleb kept him up to date on his ex-fiancée to a certain extent. He knew she fell apart when she found that he was gone, that she couldn't even bear to return to the loft to pack up her belongings, but had her friends do it for her.

He'd had Caleb pack up his own things for him, knowing if he saw Spencer after what he'd done he wouldn't have been able to handle it. He also knew she had moved in with Hanna because she wasn't emotionally well enough to be on her own.

Toby knew he broke her and he didn't need reminding of it. And sleeping in the loft was too much for him, but he had nowhere else to go because he sure has hell wasn't going to go to his parents' house. He opened a beer and collapsed onto the couch, a feeling of dread washing over him.

He hadn't known what to expect when he saw her again. Actually, he knew she wouldn't be able to handle it at first. Her walking away from him was something he knew to expect. What he didn't know was that the second time he saw her she would be drunk and kiss him. A slap he would have bet on, not a kiss. He chuckled to himself before taking a swig. She'd probably slap him later.

He had only been back in the loft for about ten minutes before the door opened and slammed shut. It was a relief to see Caleb; he was half expecting Emily for a round two or maybe Hanna to deliver a swift kick in the groin.

"Hey," he croaked once he swallowed.

"What the hell did you think you were doing back there?" his raven-haired friend questioned.

Toby rolled his eyes and fell back to the couch once more. "I already got this from Em; I don't need it from you too."

"Uh, yeah, I think you do," Caleb insisted, coming to stand in front of him.

"Caleb, we both know the only reason you're here is because Hanna just got into another fight with you about me and you don't want to go home to an empty apartment. So why don't you grab a beer and come sit with me and watch TV or something?" he suggested.

His friend shrugged. "Yeah, alright."

Toby laughed into his beer bottle. He was thankful for Caleb. He was the only one he had stayed in contact with the two years he was away, willingly at least. He'd never had a best friend before Caleb.

There was Emily, but once they both hit puberty their friendship dissolved until Spencer started tutoring him. He didn't blame her, they just went separate ways. He didn't like people; he hated the games they played, the way they acted, and just preferred to be alone while his childhood playmate became the star of the swim team, then the first openly gay person at Rosewood, and just flourished in the spotlight.

Toby was better backstage, that was why he and Spencer went so well together. He'd happily shine the light on her any time. She deserved it, she was so brilliant and beautiful, a spotlight should have been permanently placed above her. He silently wished he was still the person working the lights.

"It was stupid of you to do that though," Caleb repeated once he sat down next to his friend.

"Seven years together, two years apart and I'm still not good at resisting her," Toby agreed with a nod. "I shouldn't have, but- she's just so- infuriating sometimes," he went on. "I thought I had it all planned out, you know? Then she goes and follows me out of that damn bar that you dragged me to."

"Yeah, blame this on the guy who tried to make you have fun tonight, not yourself," Caleb mumbled.

Toby leaned his head back on the cushions. "Trust me, these days I blame everything on myself, rightfully so."

"I know why you left, Tobe," his best friend began after a silent minute or two. "And I can't say in the same situation I wouldn't have made the same decision because Hanna deserves the world," he added. "But not all the blame falls on you and Spencer will see that... if you ever tell her why you left. I mean, you are going to have to tell her eventually, you know that right?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I know. Doesn't mean I am looking forward to it."

-:-:-:-

"We should just check her into the nut house," Hanna stated the next night.

"Hanna!" Emily scolded. "She's not crazy, she's sick," she corrected her friend.

The blonde nodded. "She's frickin' delusional, hospital worthy."

Aria rolled her eyes. "No, she's not, she just got the flu or something. Probably from throwing up in bar's toilet last night. I told you we should just let her do it outside."

"Yeah, because seeing a girl yak in the bushes is great," Emily responded. "Can we stop fighting; we have to figure out what to do with her. Should we call her parents?"

Hanna laughed. "What are they going to do, send some flowers over?" she asked rhetorically.

"Well, Jason is in New York for the next week doing something or other so he is a no-go. And Emily and I can't stay so unless you want to..." Aria replied.

"No! I don't do sick people. I barely do healthy people. Plus, I work tomorrow," Hanna insisted with a shake of her head.

Emily groaned. "We all work tomorrow. I have two clients tomorrow that I cannot cancel on. I already canceled on him last week when my dad came to town. I am just getting started, I can't lose a client. Aria has a photoshoot she's been freaking about for over a month, and her parents will be about as useful as leaving Hanna here," she finished.

"Hey!" Hanna frowned.

"Toby," Spencer groaned from the bed.

When the girl spent the night throwing up they thought it was just the hangover kicking in. But in the morning when she had the chills and could barely stand they realized she was actually sick.

"Maybe we should give her what she wants," Emily suggested with a shrug.

"Emily!" both of her friends exclaimed. "We can't just leave him with her. She's sick, she doesn't know what she's saying. I'd rather send her to the nut house than to Toby. Once she comes too she'd kill us," Aria reminded her.

"HA!" Hanna gloated at Emily. Emily glared. "Well, we have to decide something; she's one degree away from her brain melting."

"Hanna, that's not really how it works, she does have a high fever, but-"

"I don't care, Emily, and you know what I meant. We should just flip a coin," Hanna cut her off.

"Flip a coin? That is how we decide this?" Aria replied. "That we call Toby or send her to the nut house?"

Hanna rolled her eyes. "No, we call Toby or call her parents."

"Toby," Spencer murmured again, her eyes closed as she lay buried underneath a mountain of blankets.

Spencer never got sick, ever. And when she was sick the only person she would listen to (when she was coherent) was Toby. When she got really, really sick Toby was the only one who knew how to take care of her. It was like his instincts kicked in since her own mom would rather send a fruit basket over than attempt to take care of her daughter herself. So it made sense that in Toby's reentry into town and her delusional state that she wanted the one person who she knew would make her feel better.

"Fine," Emily answered, taking a coin off of Spencer's nightstand. "Heads for Toby, tails for parents?" Both girls nodded. Emily tossed the coin into the air and caught it in her palm. "So, who wants to make the call?" she asked once she revealed the answer.

They made Emily make the call. It took two calls and one text, but once he read the words "Spencer's sick" he called back immediately. He knew how the girl was when she was ill and he knew no one else knew how to take care of her like he did.

"How high is her temperature?" Toby questioned when he entered the apartment half an hour later, bags in his hands.

"102," Aria answered, biting her lip. "We thought she was just hung over when she was throwing up off and on all night. When she was freezing this morning and-"

"And asking for you," Hanna cut in.

Aria gave her a hard look. "We didn't know what to do. We all love her, but when she's sick-"

"I know," Toby interrupted her this time. "Has she been sick since I was gone?" he wondered nonchalantly as he shrugged off his leather jacket.

"Colds and stuff, not flu-like and delusional," Hanna answered him. "I guess she just saves this side of herself for you," she tried to joke.

Toby nodded, feeling the awkwardness of the room. "Well, I grabbed everything I need for her on the way over so you guys can," he stopped by tossing his thumb over his shoulder towards the door. "Thanks for calling me, Em," he mumbled as she passed him.

"Well, she was asking for you and you won the coin toss," she responded. He looked at her confusedly. "Just, take care of her, please."

Toby nodded and sighed once he was alone.

Again, this was not going according to plan. He would without a doubt take care of her, but the intimacy in which he would have to do it is definitely something she would be opposed to if she was well and it wouldn't be easy for him either. But he couldn't think about him at the moment. He had to think of her.

Spencer didn't get really sick often, clearly since she hadn't been like this since he left, but when she got really sick she got _really_ sick. He took in a deep breath and entered the bedroom.

He saw her lying in bed, shivering underneath at least three different blankets. "Hey, Spence," he greeted, putting a hand to her forehead. It was horribly warm.

"Toby," she whispered, her eyes fluttering half open. "Everything hurts," she murmured, grabbing onto his hand and hugged it to herself for comfort.

This was going to be the hardest part. "I know, baby, c'mon," he urged, pulling her out from underneath the warmth.

"Nooo," she whined, clutching her comforter.

"Spence, baby, we have to get you washed up," he insisted, taking her fully into his arms so she didn't have to walk. "Doesn't a warm shower sound nice?" he asked and she nodded.

She clung to him like a baby koala and it made his heart break. She had to be truly sick to wish for him and be happy by his arrival. Sick or drunk, he supposed. Toby turned the shower on and made sure the water wasn't too hot before undressing both her and himself.

It felt wrong. He knew he shouldn't be able to hold her like this, even sick, after all that he'd done. It wasn't even remotely sensual, not to him; it never was when she was sick of course. This was about getting her better, because she was impossible when she was sick. But he had to admit it was different because they weren't together anymore.

He washed her and could at least take comfort in the fact that she enjoyed the warmth of the shower and probably his body up against hers. She began to shiver as soon as they exited the shower and he dressed her as fast as he could in a pair of comfortable cloth pants, thick socks and a t-shirt of his he'd brought.

It was important to dress her lightly because she'd overheat otherwise and if she was cold she could just put on blankets. She leaned back against him, a blanket over her chest as he combed her hair out on her arm chair in the corner of the bedroom.

"Alright, Spence, lay back and put this under your tongue," he said, holding out the little white stick. She barely acknowledged that she'd heard him except for the fact that she opened her mouth for the thermometer.

He got out from behind her and took the sheets off the bed so he could replace them with clean ones. He was just finishing up when the thermometer beeped. He took it out of her mouth and linked his hand through hers when she reached for it without a second thought.

103.

He put her back in bed and left to make some tea. Even in her sick state she'd probably ask for coffee, but he wouldn't allow it. She needed something warm, non-caffeinated, and soothing to her probably raw throat from throwing up all night. In a weak effort he also put some soup on the stove, knowing she wouldn't want to eat it, but he at least had to try.

"Toby?" she was saying when he entered the room, some tea that had a small ice cube in it in his hand. It was his presence she desired most when she was sick he learned long ago and how she hated being left alone. She needed to know someone was there, especially him.

"I'm here, I'm here, Spence," he assured her, sitting next to her on the bed and cupped her cheek lightly. "I need you to sit up though, babe, you have to take some medicine," he told her, physically pulling her up, knowing she wouldn't do it herself. She groaned. "I know you don't want to and it tastes like crap, but you have to," he insisted, measuring out the syrups which was hard to do with her resting on his chest.

She looked exhausted, worn out, and just plain done. That was his fault, he knew it, and having to take care of her like this was some sort of punishment, it just had to be. He hated when she was sick, he hated having to do it when he knew he was the reason she was sick, and he hated being the only person able to take care of her because she was such a handful.

It was selfish and he knew it, but it was like she waited to get sick until he was back, until she unconsciously knew someone was around who knew how to handle her. There was no doubt he would take care of her, he would take care of her even if she was sick for the next two weeks or two years, but he didn't have to like it.

Even though he did like it. He loved being close to her, being able to hold her, smell her, touch her bare skin, but he would not let himself enjoy it. It wasn't fair to her so he made himself dislike it.

"I'm heating up some soup for you, Spence, will you eat some for me?" he asked after he tucked her back in to bed.

She groaned in response. "Just- just lay with me," she pleaded, tugging on his hand.

"I will lay down with you... shirtless," he began to compromise. "If you eat half a bowl of soup."

Spencer sighed loudly before nodding curtly and he smiled before kissing her forehead.

She needed skin contact, he learned early on, or at least that she craved it, especially when sick. It was something he noticed when they had just begun dating, how she would reach for his hand, then take it away if he didn't catch on to what was happening, ashamed or embarrassed. Spencer was his first real girlfriend; everything was new to him with her. From then on he'd made a point to touch her in some way, not overly PDA-like, but just simple touches; hand holding, an arm around her shoulders, pushing a hair behind her ear.

It was something she happily returned and he didn't know he'd needed it either until then. They'd both never been really touched like that by another and with him his previous touches always made him hate himself. Spencer helped change that for him. She changed everything for him.

"Enough?" she whined half an hour later, her eyes struggling to stay open.

"Yeah, baby, enough," he agreed, putting the mostly empty bowl on her bedside table. He half-smiled when she shifted over to make room for him to lie down with her. When he needed her to sit up to eat or take medicine he had to move her, but to make room for him she found the energy to shift over.

A deal was a deal so he shrugged his shirt off and climbed into bed with her. She immediately snuggled into him, her shivering making his heart ache. She fell asleep a little bit later and he knew it by how she stopped shivering. After lying with her for half an hour he slipped out of bed and felt her forehead again. It was still warm, but he hoped there would be some change by morning.

He'd fallen into an uncomfortable sleep in her arm chair when he heard her jump out of bed and run for the toilet. He was after her in a heartbeat, holding her hair back as she emptied her already desolate stomach.

"Here, here, here," he insisted, handing her a glass of cold water once she'd finished.

She chugged it down surprisingly and fell back against the tub, defeated. "Sorry," she wheezed.

"Never say you're sorry to me for things like this, I told you that a long time ago," he replied, refilling her water. "You ready to go back to bed or do you need to stay here?"

She let out a deep breath and took another sip of water. "Bed."

"Alright, I'll make you some more tea for your throat, okay? And maybe get you some crackers?" he suggested, laying her back in bed with her water next to her.

"Sorry, baby," she said again as she tried to take comfort in her bed.

"Don't Spence, it's not your fault, alright? Just lie down and let me make you something," he insisted, putting blankets over her and left the room.

He hated when she said sorry for things that weren't her fault. It was something she hated in him as well, so he couldn't blame her.

_Spencer opened her locker to find a small teddy bear with a note attached to the front. It didn't say who it was from but she knew who it was by the "Sorry" written on the card._

_"Tobalicious do something wrong?" Hanna questioned, peering into her friend's locker._

_Spencer pulled the card off the bear and looked at the back for further information. Nothing. Did he really think this was necessary? A sorry card with a teddy bear attached?_

_She slammed her locker shut. "No. But I have to go talk to him. Now," she replied and walked away, leaving a confused friend behind._

_He had been called into the guidance office for an early appointment that morning which was why he had gotten to school before her. Apparently he had been failing more than just French when she began to tutor him more than two months ago. He was doing much better now, but his attitude in class hadn't. The new guidance counselor was trying to get some "cred" by attempting to straighten out some of the more rowdy seniors so no more would drop out during their final year. _

_How Toby was one of the rowdy ones she would never know, just another way that Rosewood was bass-ackwards._ _She didn't really know though, she didn't have any classes with him. How could she? Everything she was in was honors or AP._

_"What the hell is this?" she demanded to know when she found him outside the counselor's office, Caleb with him. Caleb being called into the office she understood, however._

_Toby looked like he wanted to flee. "Spence... come here," he said and pulled her into an empty class room._

_"No, Toby! What the hell is this?" she asked when he'd closed the blinds._

_He ran a hand down his face. "I don't know, alright? I felt bad and you- I __am__ sorry," he insisted._

_"I don't want your sorry, Toby!" Spencer tried to keep her anger in check._

_"Spencer, I practically pushed you. I saw your face, you were scared, and I-"_

_"You explained, Toby, and don't think for a minute that I didn't how scared you were too," she replied more softly._

_They had been making out the night before, more heavily than they ever had before. His shirt was off, hers was unbuttoned, and she had reached down a little too far south for Toby's liking. He snapped, kind of, and pushed her away more forcefully than he had meant and then apologized profusely for the next hour._

_Spencer wasn't stupid. Toby was the most genuine and kind person she had ever met. He hadn't meant to hurt her. He didn't even hurt her; it was more of a startle than anything. She also knew he was hiding something. They had only been dating for a few months though and it was probably something he didn't want her to know yet. For now she was fine with that, as long as he was okay. But she was not going to have him say sorry for something that so obviously scared him._

_"Look, baby," she began a moment later, taking his hand in hers. "I- I've never felt more connected to anyone that I have ever been with, okay?" she whispered, lifting his chin to look at her. She knew he was listening when he kissed her thumb. "I know that you were more scared of me than I was of you when you jumped like that. I want to ask why, I want answers, but you make me want to shut that part of me down because I know you aren't ready to tell me whatever it is that happened to you. I don't want to push you. When you're ready to tell me you will, on your own time. I hope."_

_Toby nodded and pulled her in for a hug. "Thank you," he murmured into her shoulder._

_"I just- I hope whatever it is that my mind is making it a million times worse than it really was. The thought of someone hurting you like that... I can't stand it," she admitted, pressing her lips to his neck. "Just promise me you're okay. That whatever happened you're not still going through it, that you're safe," she pleaded._

_Toby pulled away and leaned his forehead against hers. "I'm fine, I'm safe, all of it. Especially after I started things with you. There is nothing to worry about. The only danger I am in right now is losing my heart to the crazy, coffee-colored eyes girl in front of me."_

_Spencer blushed. "I- Same," she breathed. "My eyes used to be green you know, but after that first sip of coffee," she began to tease and Toby tickled her._

He hadn't gotten any sleep. By the time Spencer settled down and fell into her own slumber it only lasted for half an hour at the most before she was throwing up or woke up because somehow she knew he wasn't lying next to her anymore. He should have stayed in the bed but it was too hard for him to just hold her like he used to.

"Yeah, she's at 103 right now which is what she was last night. It didn't go up which is good. If it doesn't change by tomorrow I'm probably going to call a doctor," Toby said into his phone the next morning as he rubbed Spencer's back, hoping to keep her asleep this time.

Hanna called, wanting an update on her very sick friend. Well, she'd called last night too, but it was during one of Spencer's bathroom runs and he didn't think answering the phone was as important. _"I called her work, said she was too weak to get out of bed. Andrew, her friend, said he would cover what he could for her and her boss said if Spencer was too weak to even call he knew she must really be sick,"_ she replied.

Toby chuckled a little. That was true. "Well, I have things covered here for now so I will call you later tonight," he told her. "Oh, um, Han, has anyone told Jason? That I'm back or... anything?" he wondered.

_"No, not yet. Why, you scared of him? Want a head start before-"_

"Hanna, could you just let me know if he finds out?" he questioned.

_"Yeah, sure, Tobe, because you're not at the top of my shit list or anything,"_ she replied sarcastically.

"Hanna, please," Toby said, trying not to get annoyed.

She sighed. _"I'll do my best. Just call me later."_

Once they hung up Toby shifted down to lie next to the shivering girl next to him. If he had to stay next to her for her to actually sleep he'd just have to do it so she could get rest and get better.

"Toby?" Spencer suddenly spoke up.

"Hm, yeah, baby? What do you need?" he immediately questioned, pushing some hair behind her ear.

Her eyes opened slightly. "How could you do it?" she asked quietly. "How could you walk out on our wedding like that?"

Toby's eyes widened. She gained a minute of sanity through all this to ask him that?

"I-" he opened his mouth, having no idea how to answer, but she was already passed out again.

His head dropped against the headboard, hoping that when she came too she didn't remember asking him that and that she definitely didn't want the answer to it. He wasn't ready, not yet.

* * *

**Okay so I like this chapter. I hope you do too!  
I feel like I keep leaving you on cliff-hangers, sorry!**

**I know it seems weird, she gets horribly sick right then, but I think with life catching up to her and her sister's news and such it is plausible.  
I also needed a reason for Toby to have to be around her (a little torture on his part) without her really being her. I wanted you to get inside his head a little bit, etc. Let me know what you think.**

**So let me know what you think, you're reviews mean SO much to me and depending on the response of how I do things is how I write the next chapter. If you hated something I try to avoid it and stuff like that. So please let me know!  
Thanks again!**

**- Kay**


	6. Chapter 6

**As always, you guys are amazing! **  
**There would probably be no story without reviews because you guys are like my muse. You keep me inspired and whenever I'm like bleh, this sucks I think of you and all the amazing things you say to me and I keep going. So thank you :)**

**Ahh, I am anxiously awaiting seeing Toby in that cop uniform on screen ;) he posted some in his insta, but it's not the same!**

**NOTE: SEXUAL NATURE TAKES PLACE IN FLASHBACK.  
If you don't like, just skip it.  
Also, the flashback is REALLY long because I just couldn't shorten it, it felt like it was taking away from the moment(s) I was trying to create.**

******Anyways, here is 6. Please read and review.**

* * *

"Spencer, are you listening?"

No, she hadn't been. There were other things on her mind and these days she had been retreating to her thoughts more than she would have liked. "Um, yes, sorry," she apologized. "Sorry, I'm still a little out of it," she continued on, scratching an invisible itch on her head. "Thank you again for handling some of my work while I was out, Andrew."

The blond man waved her off. "Don't worry about it. It was mostly just making some calls and putting a hold on some paperwork. You just finished up your major case so it was a breeze," he insisted. "I am glad you're feeling better though. It's not like you to be out for three days like that."

Spencer nodded a small, fake smile on her lips. "I know, it was horrible. I think I lost about ten pounds though," she attempted to joke. Besides, she only lost three; she had been taken care of by one of the best after all.

Andrew smiled in return. It was hazy, the part at the bar with Andrew, but she remembered it. His somewhat forced kiss, how she didn't feel anything. Oh how she wished she did. She wished she could have even felt a fraction of what she did with Toby.

Toby...

He had taken care of her so completely it warmed her heart. It shouldn't have, not with how he left her. When he left she was in shambles and it made more sense for her to be angry, to carry a grudge, to hate him, and a small part of her did. She assumed most of her would hate him if she ever saw him again, but it was almost impossible for her to hate Toby. Be angry with him, hurt by him, those she could do, but she wasn't sure if she could do hate.

It was unknown to her what all happened when she was sick. She remembered bits and pieces, wanting him, the feel of their skin together in bed, him holding her hair back, feeding her, washing her. He didn't have to do it. She supposed he could have easily said no if she wasn't what he wanted anymore.

She shook her head. It was not the time to think like that. She didn't even know what she wanted and she was hoping he wanted her. How messed up was that? Actually, it was probably the most normal thing she had felt since he returned, wanting him to pine after her forever, to regret what he'd missed.

If they had married they'd probably have a house by now. She could easily imagine it, him holding her bridal style when all the paperwork went through and carrying her through the threshold. Fighting over furniture and patterns. It would take him forever make a nice, sturdy dining room table with matching chairs just because he wanted it to be perfect. Maybe a rocking chair for the eventual nursery too.

Spencer squeezed her eyes shut as she sat back down at her desk. These were not thoughts she needed to be having. It was annoying how confused she was, how lost she felt in her own life all because of his return. Everything was different now; she longed to see him even if it meant she would be attempting to hide from him on the street so he wouldn't see her.

She felt like a middle-schooler. Maybe she could pass a note to Andrew that said "I don't know if I like you, like you. Is that, like, okay?" She didn't want to lead him on and she was sure he had the impression that there was something there.

She groaned just as her phone rang and of course she jumped. "Spencer Hastings," she answered, holding the bridge of her nose hoping she could fight off the oncoming headache.

_"Is it time for your lunch yet?"_ Hanna's voice rang through.

Of course it was Hanna. "Um, I can go any time now. I was just going to eat at my desk though, why?" she responded.

_"Because, um, I am on mine so I went to the brew to get coffee. I am still training that new girl who sucks, I really wish I hadn't hired her, I mean-"_

"Hanna, the reason you called? I am three days behind over here," Spencer said impatiently.

_"Well, Jason is back early and um,"_ her friend stopped.

Spencer groaned again. "You didn't tell him Toby was back," she pleaded, already knowing the answer. Jason was not going to take well to Toby being back. It was Jason who held Spencer's hand as she put her life in some sort of working order after her fiancé had left. She didn't know if her older brother could ever forgive Toby for what he did, not that Spencer was sure if she could either at this point.

_"I didn't mean to! I mentioned how you were sick and it just came out,"_ Hanna insisted.

"Do you know where Toby is? Or Jason for that matter?" she asked, gathering her purse to head out quickly. It looked like she wouldn't be eating lunch at all today now.

Hanna was quiet for a moment. _"He's, um, at a business thing at the Grille which I may have also said because Jason forced me and-"_

"I've gotta go, you know, save Toby's life. Bye Hanna," she hung up and quickly made her way out of the office. She wasn't sure if she could ever forgive Toby, but she sure as hell didn't want him hurt. And of course she just told Andrew she didn't have time to leave for lunch and here she was running out of the office, something he probably saw if he hadn't left already. Great.

The Grille was a five to ten minute walk from CCRI, the latter if she was wearing heels, but Spencer somehow made it in about four minutes flat. She was out of breath and it didn't help that she was still trying to kick the side effects from the flu.

She entered the restaurant just in time to see her brother walking towards her ex-fiancé, who by the way was dressed very formally with a few other formally dressed older gentlemen. And Toby was turned away from them, totally unaware of her brother's appearance.

"Jason DiLaurentis!" she just about yelled.

Her older brother, ex, and just about half the restaurant turned to look at her. Toby instantly looked surprised and worried.

"Can you come here please," she requested, but reached for him and dragged him behind her to the other side of the crowded establishment. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" she demanded harshly.

He looked at her like she was crazy. "What am I doing? What the hell are you doing? He's back here and you're yelling at me?"

"Don't you think I want to? Kind of. I've been through the shock, the crying, the getting drunk; I even got the damn flu from everything hitting me at once. He's back, you're just going to have to get over it like I am trying to," she informed him.

Jason shook his head at her. "Kind of? Kind of! What the hell, Spencer? You should be completely pissed from just seeing him. Don't you remember what he did? He walked out on you on your wedding day!"

"I know! I was there, okay? I just don't have the damn energy to be mad all the time, alright? Is that okay with you?" she asked.

Jason softened. "I just- you're my little sister, SJ. I couldn't look at for-" he stopped. Alison. "I promised myself I'd always look after you, be a good brother to you. I just want to protect you," he admitted.

She couldn't help but smile at him. "I know. You do. But I am a grown up, JJ; I can do some things myself. First time I feel like having him beat up I'll call you," she promised.

"Can I at least get him in trouble or something? Point out that he's double parked so he gets a ticket? Trap him into a parking place by parking so close he can't get in to his car so he has to wait for me to come back and he has to ask me to move my car just so he can go home?" Jason requested.

Spencer had to laugh. "Uh, sure, you do that," she told him. "See? This is how you protect me, make me laugh and feel better, alright? Not by making me have to represent you when the DA presses charges against you for destruction of property while beating up Toby."

"I'd win though with you as my lawyer," he teased. Spencer shook her head at him.

"You know another way you can protect me?" she asked and he waited for her answer. "By buying me some soup to go back to work with. Your little sister is still feeling worn out from the flu."

Jason shook his head at her. "I'll even throw in some kind of sandwich."

It was only one crisis averted in her now chaotic life it seemed. At least Toby wasn't going to get killed during his business lunch or whatever. What was with that anyways? He comes back to Rosewood some big wig business man? That was so unlike the Toby she knew, not that it was a bad thing. That was probably one of the changes about him that intrigued her in a good way.

Jason had to run back to Rosewood High before his lunch was over so he'd paid their bill and ran off. Spencer was walking out the door just in time to see Toby shaking hands with an older man outside and parting ways by his old truck. He locked eyes with her and she knew then that she just couldn't walk by him as if she was oblivious.

"I don't think the suit matches the truck," she stated casually as she walked up to him. "I mean, that is a nice suit, but next to that old thing?" she went on as he smiled. "It throws off the whole look."

Toby looked down at the gray suit that seemed to be tailored to him. He looked _really_ good in a suit. "It keeps me humble, I suppose," he replied, already loosening his tie.

It had been awkward when she woke from what she was told was an eleven hour sleep to find Toby in bed with her, reading a book and running his fingers through her hair. Her temperature had lessened to double digits after the long snooze and while she knew Toby was there, the non-delusional Spencer wasn't as forgiving and needy as the flu-having one.

Once her temperature had been double checked, tea and soup had been started, and an update on her life had been given Toby called Hanna for reinforcements and was out the door. Tension hung in the air the whole half an hour she tried to recollect her memory, but she didn't have the energy to question too much right then.

"Thank you, again, Toby for taking care of me. I know how I am-"

"Spence, it was nothing," he cut her off with a head shake. "You needed me, I was there, simple as that."

Apparently it was simpler than showing up and saying 'I do.' She shook her head at those thoughts. "So what was with the old man lunch? Someone make you an offer you couldn't refuse?"

Toby chuckled. "No, just signing some paperwork over lunch," he answered.

"For what? Or is it top secret like everything else about you these days?" she asked, wanting to get answers in some way. She hated knowing nothing about what was going on with him.

Toby's eyes softened. "Spence, it's not like that," he told her quietly, but she waited for a real answer. "I signed on to be the architect for a few of Sweeney's new projects is all. You could say we were just dotting and i's and crossing the t's," he informed her. Spencer opened her mouth in surprise. "Yes, Sweeney's as in built half the town Sweeney's, and yes, I am an architect now. I got my degree and everything," he said before she could question him further.

"I, um, I'm proud of you," she whispered in response. Toby looked surprised this time. "That's great, Tobes, I bet you're amazing."

He ducked his head at the compliment. "I'm alright, I guess. Thanks a lot though, Spence, it means the most coming from you," he told her.

"So you're, uh, working on some projects?" she tried to continue the casual conversation. She wanted answers to anything at this point.

He nodded. "Uh, yeah, they are making a new housing development down by the old Hickory Bridge and they needed an architect and old man Sweeney always liked me. Plus I'm working on a project with them outside of that, but that's a whole different deal."

"So you're going to keep on having secrets?" Spencer asked, trying not to get angry. Toby looked at her oddly. "A different project? You can't just say what it is, like I'll probably even know what you're talking about?"

It shouldn't have been that big of a deal, but suddenly she was sick of the mystery. Why he left, why he came back, what he felt. It was getting so old so fast and Jason's talk of getting angry made more sense.

This wasn't the Toby she knew, the shady business dealings, the being hard to talk to, all the secrets.

"Spencer, I'm just- I'm trying-" he tried to explain.

"No, Toby, I'm tired," she cut him off. "I'm tired of the secrets and mysteries and tension. You've barely been back a week and I'm already so tired of it all," she told him. "I mean, why did you come back at all? It's not like you're close with your family."

He seemed to be getting angry as well and that only made her more upset. It was her life he was messing with by coming back to town and he still had all the cards, all the answers, while she just kept trying to figure out what was going on. Jason was right, she had the right to be mad at him and she wasn't going to let that he took care of her when she was sick dilute that.

"I have my reasons," he responded.

"More secrets? How surprising," Spencer mentioned. "I just stopped to say thank you and I've done that. So have a good day, I'll see you around. Maybe. Goodbye Toby," she stated before walking away.

Keeping all the secrets and being so cold wasn't Toby. He'd only kept one big secret from her and eventually she'd been frustrated with that one too.

_She should apologize._

_Spencer shook her head and turned around to go back to the sidewalk. No. Toby should apologize._

_They'd been together for over six months. He loved her. He should be able to tell her his big secret by now, shouldn't he?_

_Well, she knew what it was, but she didn't know about it and it was killing her. Knowing someone hurt him like that made her heart physically hurt. It was getting to the point where she needed to know because he seemed stuck in time with the whole thing. Every time they got too close he pulled away and it couldn't be healthy._

_But she promised she wouldn't push and he_was_traumatized by it. He had the right to feel comfortable before he told her, right?_

_Spencer turned around again, talking herself into walking up the steps to her boyfriend's house. She was going to knock on the door and apologize because she was wrong. Wasn't she?_

_The front door slammed open and Spencer ducked behind one of the bushes next to the porch steps._

_"You're just going this to get back at me!" Jenna, Toby's step and now going blind sister said in a frantic voice._

_Toby scoffed. "Get over yourself, Jenna. This is not about you. And if I had any say in it nothing in my life would have to do with you ever again," he replied._

_Spencer had never heard him be so cold, even in their screaming match the other day, their worst fight yet._

_They had been in her room while her parents were out and it got heated, then before she knew it he was practically across the room in the fetal position freaking out. She'd been way more upset at the fact that he was upset than at the fact that she'd gotten all worked up with no relief. She just got so angry that she couldn't help that they blew up at each other._

_"You can't really like her, Toby. She's so... boring and pretentious and, ugh! She's horrible!" Jenna exclaimed, her big, black sunglasses on her face as they always were these days. She could still see, but it was dark and only getting darker. Why she wore the glasses so she could see less was beyond her._

_Spencer opened her mouth in_ _agitation. She didn't like Jenna Marshall, but she'd probably only spoken to the girl a handful of times, usually when she was picking Toby up at his house or something of the sort. Who was she calling pretentious?_

_"Don't say another word about Spencer," Toby warned, his voice low and guttural and... menacing. She didn't know Toby could even be menacing. "You don't know anything about her. She is the best thing to ever happen to me. And you're right, I don't just like her," he went on. Spencer's eyes widened. "I'm in love with her. I love her more than anything. Did you know I never thought I could love like this? After my mom... after everything?"_

_Relief washed through her. Whew. She wanted to smack herself; she knew Toby didn't not like her. But why was he fighting with Jenna like this?_

_"It's not going to last, Toby. She doesn't know the real you, the you I know," Jenna insisted._

_Spencer bit her lip, wishing she could get a better visual, but they'd see her... or hear her. "Unfortunately, she doesn't, because you fucked that up for me, didn't you?" her boyfriend responded. What?_

_"You'll see, one day," Jenna warned and there was movement._

_"Don't," Toby ordered. "I don't care if you go totally blind, if you lose any other senses, or if our parents make me guide you around town like fucking dog. You could chain me to this porch and I would never touch you like that again, not that I ever wanted to in the first place," he told her. "Now I have to go apologize to my girlfriend and see how much I've fucked that up. Just another thing I can thank you for, can't I?"_

_It clicked in Spencer's mind and she was shocked, stunned... repulsed._

_Toby came down the steps as Jenna stomped back into the house and Spencer straightened. "Sp- how long have you been there?" he asked, stepping towards her, all the venom gone from his voice._

_"I- you and... Jenna?" she responded. Toby stepped closer again. Spencer couldn't fathom what was happening. "She's the reason- what did- oh my God."_

_"Spencer, please, I will tell you everything you want to know, but can we please not do this here?" her boyfriend pleaded and she simply nodded. He took her to his truck and took off so fast his tires screeched for a moment._

_She didn't pay any attention to where they were going—she didn't care. They didn't speak the whole drive and it wasn't until the engine switched off that she snapped out of her thoughts._

_"I'm gonna be sick," she groaned before jumping out of the truck and emptying her stomach behind a tree._

_He'd taken her to the overlook of Rosewood, of course. When she finished she knew Toby was behind her, but she held her hand up to keep him back. He did not need to see her do that._

_"Can- can you get my water bottle from my bag please?" she requested and she heard him walk away.__She washed her mouth out and took a few sips before she felt like she could face him. "I'm sorry," she whispered when she turned around._

_Toby was leaning against his truck. "You're sorry? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Spencer," he apologized earnestly. Spencer shook her head and ran a hand through her hair. "This is why I didn't want to tell you. I mean, fuck, you found out and you were so disgusted you threw up!" he exclaimed, his voice cracking._

_"You think I did that because of you?" she replied, walking over to him. "I did that because of her! Because of what she did to you! I mean, she made you- oh God," she finished by drinking more water to keep the vomit down. "I shouldn't have tried to force it out of you, it was wrong of me, I mean you-"_

_"Spencer, don't. I should have trusted you. You're my girlfriend, I love you, I know I can trust you," he insisted._

_"But this is a big deal, Toby. I mean, it took me over a month to, like, wear sweatpants and no makeup around you," she replied._

_"No, I- what? Really?" he questioned and she couldn't help but laugh. "Just to wear sweatpants?"_

_"I wanted to look pretty! Can we focus here?" she asked. Toby nodded and pulled her into an embrace. "That never should have happened to you, Toby. You don't deserve that. Did she- I mean, was it, like, all the way?" she said into his shoulder and he nodded hesitantly. "How did it happen?"_

_Toby pulled away. "You have your right to questions. C'mon," he urged._

_They set the blankets he kept in the cab on the bed of the truck and got comfortable. Spencer had the feeling they'd be there for a while._

_"Our parents only knew each other for four months when they got married. Jenna and I only met a handful of times. I tried to be nice, kind, I don't know. She got the wrong idea of something-" he started._

_"No, Toby! You're allowed to be nice to a girl without her doing _this _to you," Spencer already cut in._

_Toby just continued. "They moved in right at the beginning of summer. My dad said we had to make room for them. That was also the summer that I started working out, so I guess she liked what she saw. Anyway, my dad made me clean out the guest room and the garage and she- well, she watched. I thought she was just trying to get to know me, then one day she just- and, I tried to pull away. It was wrong. I didn't even like her like that; I barely liked her at all. My mom had died less than a year earlier and my dad had just got remarried. I was pissed, I think that was my main motivation for working out actually," he went on. "I pushed her away, yelled at her, said it was wrong. She avoided me for days."_

_Spencer grabbed his hand and squeezed it, trying to give him strength._

_"Then one night I was working out and she came into the garage. She was dressed in-" he wouldn't look her in the eye. "I told her to leave, that I wasn't interested, but she said-" he stopped for a moment. "She said that- that she saw how my dad and I acted around each other, that it wouldn't take too much convincing on her part to say I forced her. If I didn't... comply I'd get arrested and sent away because I raped her. I- I was trapped. I had to Spencer, but I hated it."_

_Spencer couldn't resist and wrapped herself around him. "Its okay, Toby, its okay," she assured him as he cried into her shoulder. She'd never seen him cry before and it broke her heart. She rubbed his back and moved to let him rest against her until he calmed down. She didn't want to make him hurt anymore, but they had to finish this. "How- how did it end?"_

_Toby wiped his eyes and sat back up. "She- she said she loved me. I told her that if she really did she wouldn't make me anymore. And that she wouldn't tell our parents because she wouldn't want to see me have to leave like that, that it would make me hate her even more. I like to think of it as the one real moment Jenna and I really had. She stopped, but she still tries to make me want to do it." Spencer wiped a tear off his cheek. "I hate her, Spence," he stated and looked up at her. "I love you, I want to make love to you, but she- fuck, I hate that still has this power over me because I can't view sex has a good thing."_

_Spencer nodded, leaning in and resting her forehand on his. "Is that what your tattoo is for? '901 Free at Last'?"_

_Toby nodded again. "It was- it only lasted that summer that our parents got married, so it hasn't happened in more than a year, but it still gets to me. I hate it."_

_"It's going to take time, baby," she whispered, wiping another stray tear on his cheek._

_"But I want to, with you. I want to have sex with you, Spencer. I know you're not ready and that's fine, but at this point I just want to do_something_to you, something to show how much I love you and I always stop myself or freak out about the whole thing."_

_"This shows me how much you love me, you opening up to me, it's everything to me. I don't need sex or anything to believe it. Am I ready for more? Yes, on both our ends, but I will wait for you, okay?" she assured him and he nodded. Before he could reply she spoke again "and when we finally do have sex, it won't be sex for us, Tobes. It will be making love, so we will be each other's firsts, okay? Because you've never done that before, make love, so you're still a virgin when it comes to me."_

_Toby pushed his lips to hers, touched by her words, and Spencer readily responded to him._

_"Wa- wait, Toby, I just threw up. I'm sorry," she broke away, holding her hand over her mouth._

_He couldn't help but smile. "You just drank a huge thing of water and washed your mouth out, I think you're okay. I might have a mint in the glove box if want?" he replied._

_"I couldn't not wear make up in front of you for two months and you're willing to make out with me after I just threw up after six months? Damn, did I get lucky or what?" she questioned._

_Toby shook his head at her. "Thank you, Spencer, so much for understanding and not... thank you for loving me," he said in a low voice._

_"Toby, there is nothing in this world that could make me not love you," she responded while looking into his eyes. "I never knew I could love like this either. And it's not just my first love I'll always love kind of thing, it's a real love, you've changed everything for me. You're perfect."_

_He smiled and pressed his lips to hers. "Back at you, baby," he murmured. "Spence, I- I want," he tried to start. He still wasn't good at opening up, obviously, so she'd learned to just let him take his time and to not interrupt. "I want to show you... I'm so grateful and I want, if that's okay?"_

_"Tobe, babe, I don't think I understand what you're saying," Spencer replied._

_"I want to make you feel- to give you something... physically," he tried to explain._

_She nodded. She wanted that too, but it wasn't fair. "But what about you?"_

_"I don't care about me; I want to do this for you. I need to start moving on and I want to do that with you. I feel like if I pleasure you like that it will help because I've never done that before," he answered. "I-I couldn't do that to her, I refused, so I've never- but I want to, with you. I really want to, especially after telling you everything and you still want me."_

_Spencer smiled and kissed him chastely. "We can, you can, but I don't want you to feel like you have to follow through. If you feel like you have to pull away you can," she assured him. He nodded and kissed her. "Toby, I-I've never had a- or even been, I mean I have been, kind of, but I never finish- I just-"_

_"Spence," he cut her off. "We'll learn together, okay?" he said and she nodded in response._

_Toby began to kiss her, like really kiss her. It should have worried her, that her boyfriend was about to do something to her, that they were in the middle of the woods, that they were outside with practically no cover, but it didn't. Toby made her feel more comfortable and like the outside world didn't matter._

_She'd gotten so engrossed in the kissing that she forgot they were going to move farther until his fingers unbuttoned her jeans. Both of their shirts came off, but her tank top was left on and simply pushed down so he could access her assets._

_They'd done that before, they'd taken all the top half layers off and some of the bottom, but never did anything _to _the bottom. She tried not to think anything of it because now that she knew she understood his resistance and was prepared to wait however long it was take for them to do anything._

_But they kept going. Her jeans came off and his hands roamed and Spencer thought she would just be happy with that until his finger slipped into the crotch of her panties. She gasped, but he just kissed down her neck more._

_Alex had done this, but it didn't feel as good._

_His fingers were a little unsure at first, but when she moaned with certain touches he began to become more confident and so did she.__It was amazing, better than anything she had ever felt before. His fingers pinched and massaged her clit until her legs felt like jelly._

_And then he stopped. She knew she said it was okay, but she couldn't stop herself from letting out a faint whine. She'd never had an orgasm before, never with Alex, and she hoped it would be right then with Toby._

_He kissed down her neck and pulled up her tank top to kiss her abdomen as his hands took off her underwear. Her eyes widened. She'd never had that done to her before either, but she was beyond fine with it._

_Her lips rolled together in anticipation while her heart jumped to her throat. His tongue started to lick her bundle of nerves and her head fell back against the side of the truck in response as she moaned._

_Toby took well to her reply because he began to become more sure in his movements and looped her arms around her thighs. If she thought her legs were jelly before she had another thing coming._

_It got to the point where one hand was in his hair in an attempt to make sure he would never leave while the other was over her mouth so she wouldn't scream. Something was building within her and she knew exactly what it was and she was closer than ever before. It was like a bubble that just kept getting bigger and bigger until she thought she was going to explode._

_Finally, the bubble popped and she couldn't help but cry out._

_Right then she was so happy she'd never gone that far with Alex and even though she had done stuff that he was never able to do that to her. She was happy that all of it was with Toby and that hopefully it helped him somehow._

_When she gained control of herself and opened her eyes Toby was grinning back at her, his eyes bright. "That was fun," he stated, almost giddy._

_She couldn't help but chuckle at him. "I'm glad you think so," she replied, cupping his cheek. "That was my first and you," she finished by kissing him. "Are you okay?" she whispered with her forehead against his._

_"I'm great thanks to you," he answered, his hand moving up and down her outer thigh. "I liked doing that to you, knowing I was making you feel good and when you said you loved me as I," he stopped. "It's so different. I was worried it wouldn't be all that different, but it was. I think that if we keep doing this you can do stuff to me and we can move on from there."_

_She smiled and still felt the high from her orgasm. "Same here. I love you."_

_"I love you too," he murmured and pressed another kiss to his lips. "Can we do that again?" he asked and she laughed, nodding._

_God, he could do that as much as he wanted._

Spencer tossed in her bed, unable to turn her mind off.

She couldn't stop thinking about Toby and his secrets and stupid, stupid memories that kept popping up in her mind. She wanted sleep, she prayed for something that would turn her mind off, but it just wouldn't come.

Giving up, she grabbed her phone and called someone that could help her understand if what she had been wondering was correct.

_"Mm-ello?"_ Emily answered, obviously having been asleep.

"Why is he back?" Spencer quickly questioned. "I mean, he can be an architect anywhere, right?" she went on. "He's an architect now, by the way. What is with that? I mean did he leave to get his degree? He could do that anywhere and he didn't have to leave me to do it. His family isn't close, he didn't-"

_"Can you really think of not think of one reason that he would come back?"_ Emily cut her off. Spencer was quiet. _"Exactly."_

"That's not fair," she responded quietly. "This whole situation isn't fair. He doesn't just get to leave and come back with no explanation. But how do you ask that? Like hi, you look sexy as ever, why did you walk out on me on the day of our wedding and why are you back?"

Emily grunted. _"I don't know, but if you want answers you should probably just ask."_

"Well if the one reason the both of us are thinking of is the reason that he is back don't you think he should be the one to give me the answers without my having to ask, hm?" Spencer insisted.

_"I, um, what? It's like two AM, Spencer,"_ her friend whined.

"Were you in contact with him when he was gone?" she asked. Emily was the quiet one this time. "The whole time or just recently?"

_"A few months after he left I found him. I just- I wanted to know why, but he never told me. And in return for his speaking to me about anything at all I agreed to not tell you I was talking to him. I am so sorry, Spencer, but if I had any real answers for you I would have told you, I swear. You know that right?"_ Emily insisted.

Spencer nodded. "Yeah. What do you know? Did you know he was going to be an architect? Where was he? Did he tell you that he was coming back for me or anything at all?"

_"I knew he was going to school and what for. He was in Rochester, New York with his mom's dad."_

His mom's dad was his only grandparent left and his health had been failing for some time. They'd taken numerous trips to visit him. She liked the old man, she could tell how much Toby enjoyed his company and how he taught his grandson all about carpentry.

_"He died about a year ago and that was the only time Toby ever called me first, he was in tears and didn't know what to do. I really didn't know what to do either, when I suggested he call you he hung up. We didn't talk for a few months after that. Whenever I brought you up he would always close himself off,"_ Emily informed her. He was dead? Toby would not have handled that well at all. "_I knew he was thinking of coming back, but that was more than two months ago. I didn't know he was really back until you sent the SOS text."_ Emily stopped and Spencer tried to process what she was hearing. _"He's never stopped loving you, he still loves you the way he always did. We both know him and whether you want to see it or he wants to show you or not he's still head over heels for you. The reason he left... it wasn't because of you or that he didn't love you. I think he's scared of whatever it was and he's definitely scared of telling you."_

Spencer blinked the tears out of her eyes. "I-I'm not ready to hear that, Em."

_"Well, if you're not ready to hear that I doubt you're ready for the answers because I'm sure that and more is going to come with it,"_ she responded.

Spencer couldn't help but laugh. Emily was right.

If she wanted answers she had to be ready to hear everything that came with it and she wasn't sure if she was ready for that.

She wasn't sure if she was even ready to face tomorrow.

* * *

**More of a filler chapter, but I'm kind of fond of it.**

**I know the flashback was SO LONG but I feel like it needed to be. Idk. Did you like?  
****I didn't want to be too descriptive of the sexual part because I didn't know how you all would feel about it.**

**Like it? Hate it? More? Less? Let me know because I will react accordingly.**

**Review your thoughts!**

**- Kay**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks so much guys!**

**Can't wait for the PLL eps that Keegan is actually in!  
Until then how cute are Caleb and Hanna?**

**OMG GUYS I MET KEEGAN ALLEN.  
He came to Pittsburgh (where I live) for a meet and greet.  
For pictures go to my instagram at kaypinz or my Spoby tumblr which is spencersafeplace .tumblr .com  
IT WAS AMAZING.**

**Here is chapter 7 folks.**

* * *

Before Spencer he liked to consider himself just a little bit broken, the type of broken where it doesn't quite work right but not useless enough to throw it away just yet.

In the grand scheme of things he'd done alright with the hand he was dealt, especially since it was a shitty one. The point was he'd done the best he could and accepted that his life would be lonely, after all he was an introvert, and there would probably be little to no love in it.

His mother was a handful, but she was his handful. Most of the time he knew how to react to her sleeping all day, to her getting him out of bed at three AM to go on some sort of adventure that never ended well, to his father ignoring the problem all together.

It wasn't until he was older that he'd realized it wasn't normal, that his mother was bi-polar and not every six year old missed nearly two weeks of school because their mother decided to go to Niagara Falls. They never made it to Niagara Falls, but they did end up somewhere out west in a town he couldn't remember the name of for the life of him. What he did remember was begging his mother to get out of the hotel bed and to take him home.

That was the first time Marion had been hospitalized. She was out of his life for three months and his dad thought seeing her in Radley Sanitarium would do more harm than good. Of course, in true Daniel Cavanaugh fashion there was no talking about it because there was nothing to talk about. Marion was simply away getting help.

When she returned she was better than ever, healthy, happy even. She was on medication for many years and she was diligent about taking the doses when subscribed. At thirteen his mom took another turn for the worse and for a year he did his best to try and be there for her. He thought if he loved her enough that she'd get better again, be the mom who was always eccentric, but extremely lovable.

She didn't. She was sent to Radley again and one day after therapy she stole a key from an orderly and jumped off the top of the building.

Daniel didn't know how to talk to him about it, so he didn't, not really.

The loss had killed her mother and came close to killing her father too. The summer after his mother's passing he'd spent with his grandfather, trying to love him back to health too. And it'd worked, but only barely. Toby knew his grandfather only kept his will to live because of him and he'd been grateful, knowing without him and their summer together he'd probably have lost his will too.

He wasn't a people person, a trait he'd been told he was given by said grandfather because his mother loved people. She never quite noticed how awkward situations were and maybe that was why he didn't like people, because he'd grown up seeing them react badly to his mother's out-there personality. There were few people he could stand for long periods of time and during the time after his mother died and before he met Spencer he'd liked no one.

At school he would only speak when spoken to. When someone pushed he'd push back because no one tended to bother a person who stood up for themselves, no matter how scrawny. He turned his homework in most of the time, worked on his motorcycle, practiced his carpentry skills, and shut out the world, or at least tried to in Jenna's case. Jenna made him hate people more, dislike the world he lived even deeper than before.

He'd given up on the world, people, and love until Spencer agreed to tutor him in French, a language he learned to love all because of the girl who would tell him to watch her mouth as she pronounced a word. He would always remember the day he got his first French test back after being tutored by her.

_French was his last class of the day, much to the annoyance of Spencer. She hated having to wait all day for him to take the test and hated waiting for him to get the test back even more._

_The day of the test she'd found him in between every class to ask him a French-related question. During lunch she'd drilled him on pronunciations. Then before the test she'd walked him to class and just about hyperventilated before he went in. He'd spent the last two minutes before the bell reassuring her he would be fine._

_It was the first time someone had so genuinely cared about him since his mother died. He was deeply touched by it and when he walked out of the classroom to find Spencer standing there with an expectant look on her face he couldn't help but kiss her almost as deeply as he felt. It was that night he officially asked her to be his girlfriend._

_"What did you get? You got them back right? She didn't forget, did she? She told me you were getting them back today," she quickly rambled on once he walked out of the classroom at the end of the day._

_Toby couldn't help but grin at his adorable girlfriend. It was an amazing feeling having someone who cared about him and his well-being on a normal basis. The simple things like asking how his day was or texting him in the morning before school to make sure he was going brightened his outlook on life. She cared and she wasn't afraid to show it. She didn't look at him like pariah like others did after his mother killed herself or think he pulled the heads off squirrels in his spare time since he didn't like talking to anyone or play the high school popularity game. That was one of the more humorous rumors that he'd heard about himself._

_"Spence," he tried to stop her, but with no paper in his hands or jump of glee upon seeing her she was convinced it was either no news or bad news. He was still trying to get used to having people to talk to, someone to share good news with, or bad for that matter. "Spencer!" he exclaimed and took her shoulders in his hands in an attempt to stop her._

_"We will study harder for the next one, I promise. I've only been tutoring you for like two months and it was your first big test, it's normal to have anxiety-"_

_He cut her off with a kiss to the lips. Neither of them were huge on PDA, but they didn't not act like a couple either. When he pulled away she was blinking and one of those oblivious smiles appeared on her face. "Spence, I got a B."_

_Her eyes widened at this and threw her entire body into his arms, knocking him back into the lockers. "Toby! I'm so proud of you!" she squealed in his ear._

_He was so happy that he'd made her happy he didn't even care his ear was ringing. "It's your B, Spence. After every question I heard you in my mind teaching me how to do everything. I think even Madame Bernard was impressed with me," he informed her as they pulled away._

_"She should have been! It's amazing, Tobes, on the next one we'll get an A, I promise," she swore, her arms still around his neck._

_Their noses brushed together. "Well, I do spend a lot of time with my French tutor, so it could be possible," he commented, making her smile. "But I am happy with a B. I was getting F's before you; I don't need an A to feel accomplished. Your smile is enough for me."_

_"You're cute," she whispered before kissing him lightly. "How about dinner tonight? On me in honor of your beautiful B?" she questioned._

_"How about dinner tonight on me because you're beautiful?" he countered, a grin tugging on his lips._

_Red flooded her cheeks. "Tie? I'll pay for you and you pay for me?"_

_He knew she wasn't used to being called beautiful or gorgeous or pretty much any other adjective besides smart she was embarrassed by. He was determined that one day he could tell her just how unbelievably attractive she was to him and instead of blushing she'd just smile and kiss him._

_"I think I can handle that, but you're not allowed to be a girly girl, alright? It's a celebration, you're not allowed to get a salad and you're getting dessert," he insisted._

_"Mm, can we get Italian then? I could really go for some pasta," she stated, the smile never leaving her face._

_Toby kissed her cheek. "As long as it's not French."_

So before Spencer Hastings he'd considered himself just a little bit broken because even though he hated the world and most people in it he was still managing alright. But after her, he knew he was broken beyond repair so after a while he'd just simply stopped trying to pick up the pieces. It felt like he'd lost most of the pieces anyways and he'd never be complete even if he tried.

She was the light of his life. Almost every good memory he had contained her in some way. He'd even gotten his best friend through her. It was during times like this that he could no longer ignore the guilt eating his gut, the pain coursing through his heart, and the ache that enveloped his whole being. So he gave in.

It'd been a long time since he gave in. Perhaps a little after his grandfather died, he supposed, but before he began to plan his re-emergence into Rosewood, Pennsylvania.

Maybe he should have just stayed in New York. There was no real happiness there, but there was a routine. He learned to go through the motions, to build some sort of life, even if it was half a life, it was a life he could live with.

But his grandfather had died and he'd made a promise, a promise he was going to keep this time. Why the fuck did he have to make that promise?

That was how his best friend found him, during his binge in the stupid fucking loft he once shared with the girl he couldn't get his mind off of.

"Ah, Tobe, what the fuck?" his friend questioned, his face already in a grimace at the sight of him. Toby barely looked at him. "Did you buy a liquor store or something?"

At this the blue-eyed man raised his glass of scotch. "No, but that would be a damn fine investment, wouldn't it?" he responded in a slight slur.

"Did you go to work today? Or this last week? I thought when you said you were busy you meant actually busy, you know, with your job, and your side project or whatever," Caleb sighed, running a hand through his hair.

Toby stood and went to the kitchen. "Of course I went to my job, I'm not irresponsible," he insisted, pouring himself another drink. "I drink after work and go to work hungover."

"So this is how it is going to be? You hit your first roadblock with Spencer and you're going to give up, drink your problems away, fuck everything up more?" Caleb questioned, walking over to his best friend.

"When I want your opinion on my life and the way I choose to live it I will fucking ask for it," Toby replied, his eyes dark.

Caleb was used to this Toby. This was the Toby he'd nursed back to health after leaving Spencer. Hanna thought he was with his mom, but he was really in New York trying to figure out why his best friend ruined the best thing that ever happened to him. It wasn't the real him, the Toby he knew would do anything for a friend, would lay down his life for Spencer, give up anything for her, and that was exactly what he'd done. He fucked up their future because he thought he was saving hers.

With this Toby he'd learned how to bring him back from the darkness that Spencer had once saved him from. It took time, but eventually he'd learned and he also knew not to get offended when his best friend said mean things. He would apologize so much later that it would get annoying actually, but he just didn't know how to handle all the dark inside him when he got like this so he drank and gave in to his demons.

"That's the thing about best friends, Tobe, we tell you what's going on whether you want to hear it or not. And the truth is you look like shit, you're acting like an asshole, and you are better than this," Caleb informed him.

"I'm better than this?" Toby laughed into his cup. "I left her at the altar. How did I ever think I could even try to get her back? I don't deserve her back. I don't deserve anything after what I've done," he went on. "So you know what I am going to do? I am going to suffer through this damn contract with Sweeney and then I am going back to New York. Well, there is nothing left for me anymore so maybe I'll go somewhere else. I hear London is nice, do you think that's far enough away from this God forsaken town?" he blubbered on in between sips of scotch.

Caleb shook his head. "So you're just going to give up?" he asked. "You're just going to lose faith in yourself and the future you two could have again?"

"I don't need this," Toby replied, brushing by him, but before he could react his friend took the glass from his hand and threw it across the room. "Caleb, what the fuck is the matter with you, man?" he demanded, pushing on his chest.

"What the fuck is the matter with me, what the fuck is the matter with you? For months all I heard from you was this big fucking elaborate plan you had to come back to Rosewood and make everything right with Spencer. You talked about it so much it got fucking annoying, but I didn't say one word because I wanted you back, because with the conviction in your voice I knew you could do it. What the hell happened? Spencer snapped at you and you run away with your balls in your hand because you're fucking afraid to use them," he stated.

"Don't act like you know what I'm going through," Toby growled.

"I don't know what the fuck you're going through because I will never walk away from Hanna again and I know damn well that when we get married I'm not going to pussy out and run away like you did," Caleb responded.

Toby took a swing and with his height and muscle advantage Caleb would have probably been knocked out, but Toby also had alcohol in his system so he had the upper hand.

Caleb grabbed his arm and maneuvered his best friend across the apartment and into the bathroom. He pushed him into the shower, not caring that he tumbled into the tub and could have gotten hurt. He turned the water on and let it drench his fully-clothed best friend.

"Caleb! Fuck, its cold!" Toby shouted, trying to fight him, but to no avail.

"Good, this is your wake up call," Caleb stated, trying to restrain his drunken friend. After another minute he slapped the water off and Toby wiped his face with his hands. "You need to stop feeling so goddamn sorry for yourself and start trying to get your girl back. Because this Toby is not one that Spencer would love," he said and tossed him a towel.

Toby didn't move from his position. "I don't think there is a Toby she would love," he murmured, resting his head on the tile.

"That's bullshit. I think you're more scared of having this plan of yours work than you are of it failing," Caleb said, sitting on the edge of the basin. "Shit's never gone well for you. That is why when given the chance to run you took it, even if you immediately regretted it. I know you, you thought seven years was a good run and decided to live the rest of your life alone and miserable if it meant Spencer could have an amazing life," he went on. "But you were fucking wrong. There is no amazing life for her without you."

"I want everything back the way it was but it never will be like that again. Even if I-" he stopped himself. "She deserves so much more than me. I've spent the last two years trying to make myself into something worthy of her and I'm still not even close."

Caleb nodded. "You're probably right. But I think that's how it is supposed to work. If you think you deserve her you don't. I sure as hell know Hanna is better than me. I thank God every day that I get to wake up next to her. I think it's time you wake up in the morning to more than an empty bed, don't you?" he asked.

The man in the tub was quiet, shrugged after a minute, still unsure of himself.

"Do you remember what you said to me after my mom first came in to contact with me in high school?" he'd finally spoken up after a few moments.

"I sure as hell didn't throw you into a cold shower," Toby grumbled, drying his face.

"You said that we wouldn't be us if we didn't believe in second chances," Caleb began again. "By then I'd already fucked up with Hanna and she'd taken me back and you were with Spencer, thinking you might actually have a future beyond your introverted lifestyle with friends and a girl you loved," he went on. "So I went to Montecito and met my mom and little brothers and for the first time in my life I had a family, a real flesh and blood family." Toby nodded, not saying anything. "And I didn't know what I wanted to do because I loved Hanna but I loved my mom too. Do you remember what you told me then?"

Toby leaned against the tile wall. "I told you that the real saying of 'blood is thicker than water' was 'the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb' which means that sometimes the relationships forged by choice can hold deeper meaning than those of biology. That even though you found your real family, you had a family here too because I considered you my brother."

Caleb nodded. "And I decided to stay here and visit my mom on and off during the year because I considered you a brother too. You are my family, Toby, and I am not going to stand by and watch you fuck up more of your life. I wasn't there to stop you when you walked out two years ago, but I am going to stop you from going down this path now," he stated. "So you need to get off your fucking high horse and fight for her because if you really want her that is what you're going to have to do."

"What if she doesn't want me?" Toby asked quietly, refusing to meet his friend's eyes.

"Are you more scared that she won't or that she will?" Caleb countered. "You once told me that Spencer saved you from the darkness of your past, right?"

"Do you remember every fucking think I say?" Toby asked, getting a little annoyed.

Caleb laughed. "The important shit, yeah, don't you listen to me?" They both smiled at each other a little bit.

"Yes, I remember," Toby said to appease him.

"Well it's your turn to save her from the darkness of hers and unfortunately, that darkness was caused by you," Caleb stated. "She does love you, Tobe, and you have to show her those baby blue eyes she loves so much, take your shirt off, and do whatever it was you did that made her do that weird yelping thing we all heard through the walls to remind her."

To this Toby couldn't help but laugh. "When did you get so philosophical and shit?" he wondered.

"Hanna makes me watch chick flicks _a lot_ and dealing with a girl who has so many emotions makes you learn real fast about the other sex or you fight way too much," he answered honestly.

"You've always been able to read Hanna though," Toby mentioned as he let out a deep breath.

"And you've always been able to get through to Spencer, whether she closed herself off because of her parents or school or whatever. You were the only person who was ever able to break her down so it's time you remember that," Caleb insisted.

"You're seriously scaring me, you know," he replied. "Like, you're becoming Yoda of dating and relationships in a weird way."

"I have ulterior motives," Caleb told him, shrugging nonchalantly. "My life would be so much easier if you were back in the clan and my sex life would be better too."

Toby nodded in understanding. He knew he asked a lot of his friend in the past two years, the secrets and lies he had to harbor; it could not have been easy on his relationship.

"And I can't have a wedding where my bride hates the best man," he added on.

Toby groaned. "Fuck," he swore before turning the cold water on again as his best friend laughed at him.

-:-:-:-

He was never one for cemeteries, even after his mother died.

For a long time he was mad at her and didn't want to see her. A lot of the time death isn't chosen, it chooses you, whether it be cancer, old age, an accident. It wasn't that way for his mother. She chose to give up, to leave him alone in a world he didn't understand, to never be able to be at his graduations, wedding, or any other big life events.

It wasn't until Spencer that he visited his mother's grave. It was the second time since her funeral he'd been to it.

The first time since the funeral was after his first "confrontation" with Jenna. To him if his mother hadn't given up Jenna wouldn't have been in his life and he wouldn't have to deal with the hell he was living in. He'd been so upset he used his keys to carve his own name above hers because it felt like he'd died with her, especially after Jenna. It was like a piece of him died every time he had to be inside her and for a long time he blamed his mother.

Spencer changed it for him. Of course, she had been right. By never talking about his mother's death, his anger, or the Jenna thing, he was stuck in time with it, never really moving on from it. When he started being physical with her he began to move past the Jenna thing but never quite dealt with his mother's death. She'd made it safe for him to open up about it.

For hours they'd sit in her room barely talking, music playing the background, the house empty. She'd told him he didn't have to say anything at all, there was no pressure, but if he ever felt ready to just start. She told him to take his time because she wasn't going anywhere, but if he wasn't going to talk his anger wasn't going anywhere either. And if he didn't want to talk she was fine with cuddling with him, kissing him on and off, and just enjoying his company.

It took three attempts before he just started talking and once he'd started it was like he couldn't stop. He told her everything, the good times and bad, the hellish adventures he'd been on and the ones that went well. She'd held him tight at the right times and offered her shoulders during others. Finally he spoke about Radley, how he hated the place, and his never ending guilt for being mad at his mother for leaving him.

Not once did she make him feel bad about his feelings, she'd just listened and when he was done she told him she loved him. Then she got out of bed and asked him to follow her.

They ended up at the cemetery. She took him to his mother's grave and told him to tell his mom how he felt. At first he'd felt stupid talking to a wall with his mother's name on it, but it'd helped. What also helped was him punching that wall twenty minutes into it. It took a long time but eventually he'd come to peace with his other's passing, understanding that she didn't want to leave him, that she was sick in her own way and he had to realize that.

After that he'd visited the cemetery every few months just to talk, sometimes with Spencer, but often without. He hadn't been to visit since before he left Rosewood, before the wedding, before everything.

So a few nights later when he felt restless in his apartment he decided to take a walk and ended up staring at his mother's name engraved in the stone, his own still etched above it. In a way he liked that his name was above it because that Toby was dead. He'd become a better Toby with time, with Spencer and friends, he was someone his mother would be proud of.

The Toby he was now probably not so much.

"Hey, Mom," he greeted, his hands in the pockets of his dark jeans. "I'm sorry it's been-" he stopped. "I'm fucking everything up Mom," he whispered a few moments later. "Dad always said that was what I did best, not in those words though, you know him and swearing. If I say 'suck' he still reprimands me," he continued to think out loud.

A knot formed in his throat and he squeezed his eyes shut. It was times like this he needed his mother. He needed to talk to her, advice from her, that motherly hug she was so good at, even when she couldn't get out of bed she'd always hugged him.

"Do you remember how before school you used to hug me? But it wasn't a normal hug, it was long and motherly and it was always that way before school. If I missed that hug you would be so upset with me and I asked why one day," he began to ramble. "You said that the rest of the world wasn't like me, that I was sensitive and kind-hearted and people could be really mean, especially kids. So before school you'd give me that long hug for strength and send me off into the unknown," he went on. "I just could really use one of those hugs right now, Mom."

The silence around him was deafening, just a reminder that he'd never get a hug like that ever again. The only one who had ever come close was Spencer.

"I don't know what to do. I thought if I came back and saw her that she'd- I'm so stupid. I left her. I left her, I promised her I'd never do that, that I'd never turn my back on her like her family always did and I- I'm not that sensitive and kind-hearted boy anymore, Mom. I'm the person you used to wish I'd never get hurt by. God, if you were here you never would have let me leave that morning. I would be married right now, I'd be _happy_," he choked on his last word and placed his hands on either side of her name.

He focused on breathing so he wouldn't get too emotional.

"I need to be that man you knew I could grow up to be, the man Spencer was in love with. I need to try, I need to believe that I can fix this," he began a few minutes later. "I just don't know how. I thought- I don't know what I thought. How do you plan to make the girl you valued more than your own life fall in love with you again? The girl you'd hurt so much you don't even know if you deserve a second chance?" he stopped and sighed. "I need her, Mom, even if she can only let me back into her life as a friend I'll take it. I need her or I'm not me, at least not a me that you'd be proud of. She makes me better; she brings out all the qualities in me you loved the most."

His thumb rubbed the M in Mother underneath her name.

"So I am going to fight like hell for her. It's going to be hard and I'm going to get shot down and hurt because her verbal lashings are legendary. But I have to do it because I promised Pap and I don't know if I can handle disappointing him, you, and Spencer. I need to follow through with one of my promises to make up for others. If there is one thing you showed me it was how to love and I am going to do my damnedest to love her enough for the both of us until she can attempt to really love me back again," he promised.

After another few minutes he'd left the cemetery, having gotten too emotional and sat down on a bench outside of the iron gates. He wasn't ready to go home to the loft. It was torture living there, but it was the kind of torture he felt he deserved. Sometimes before he opened his eyes in the morning he forgot. He'd roll over to Spencer's side and want to nestle into the crook of her neck and gently wake her with soft kisses. She once told him it was the best possible way to wake up. Her hand would thread into his hair and a light moan would make her neck vibrate. That soft moan did too many things to his body in the morning.

He'd rolled over almost every morning since he'd moved into the loft to wake Spencer that way only to find cold sheets and disappointment.

He rubbed his eyes and rested his face in his hands. How did he manage to fuck everything up so much? He had everything,_everything_ with her, and without her he felt as if he had nothing.

"Toby?"

His neck snapped to look at the voice.

"Sp-Spencer," he grunted, clearing his throat. "I- um, what're you...? I mean, hi," he greeted. It was the one person he'd wanted to see, the one person he knew could help ease the pain his mother's death that he would always carry.

She approached him wearing a gold fancy dress, her hair perfectly styled, a purse in her hand. "Visiting your mom?" she questioned, ignoring the formalities. He didn't blame her, he was lucky she was even speaking to him.

"Uh, yeah. It was more intense than I thought it would be," he answered, doing his best to stay composed. "You look beautiful, I mean-"

"Thank you," she cut him off. "Work thing, the mayor was holding a fundraiser, my parents were there too," she filled in his blanks.

He grinned. "Sounds like a fun time," he chuckled. She bit her lip and hid a smile. Encouraged he asked, "Want to sit?" Wordlessly she sat. He wondered why she was bothering with him at all after their last meeting, after everything he'd put her through. It was probably that he was upset over his mom. "Spence, I- I am so sorry," he finally apologized.

She looked over at him, eyes wide. "For?"

"Everything I've done. I'm sorry for leaving you, for not giving you any answers, for keeping secrets and trying to be covert about what I was doing and why I was doing it. I'm not James Bond, I mean, I'm pretty boring and you deserve every answer to any question you ask without any hoops," he explained.

They were both quiet for over a minute. "Thank you, for apologizing," she eventually spoke up.

"I'll say it every day, every hour, if that is what you want. It's what you deserve. You never deserved anything I did to you, anything bad I mean. I'd say I'm sorry to you every minute if it'd help you forgive me," he responded.

"But it won't," she whispered.

He nodded, knowing this to be true. Caleb was right, he had to try for her, not just wait for her to fall into his arms because that was not going to happen. "I know it won't, but you needed to hear it. I'll say it as many times as you need, Spence."

She nodded this time. "I want answers, Toby, but I don't know if I'm ready for all of them yet," she admitted.

"Ask what you want. I'll answer," he replied, looking over at her. "Right now if you'd like."

Spencer looked right back at him. "Why did you come back?"

It didn't surprise him she wanted answers right then. "For you," he answered easily and honestly. He was done trying to be cool with the whole thing. It was time to be real. "I messed everything up, but my feelings for you were never something that wavered."

She looked down, happy he hadn't said the words, the three words she was sure she would break down upon hearing. "Why now?"

"I finished my degree, I sold my Pap's house, finally, it was time," he told her. "I've been trying to make myself into something better, something worthy of you, something your parents would approve of. I don't know," he mumbled on.

"I didn't need you to be anything more than you were," she whispered. "I didn't care if you were a construction worker for the rest of our lives as long as you were happy," she insisted.

Toby nodded. "I know." She couldn't even look at him. "Because I don't think I could stay away from you any longer," he added on quietly, trying not to sound too vulnerable even though with one bad word she had the power to devour his soul right then and there. And he'd probably deserve it.

"I'm sorry your grandfather died," she apologized a few moments later. He looked over, wide eyed. "Emily told me."

He nodded. Spencer would have found out about his interactions with Emily sooner or later. "Thank you. And don't be mad at Em, I made her not tell you we were speaking," he insisted.

"I know. She told me. I'm not mad. She was trying to help me," Spencer murmured.

Toby let out a long breath. "He left me the house, but asked me to sell it. They owned it so I got a profit; it was what he wanted for me. He knew I wouldn't put him in a home no matter how difficult it got," he explained.

"I wish I had known. I would have gone to the funeral even with-" she stopped and the tension hung in the air. "I loved him too."

He tried to swallow the familiar knot. "I know. I know you did. I'm sorry," he apologized again.

Suddenly she stood. "Thank you for answers, Toby," she said softly, still refusing to meet his eyes.

He stood with her, grabbing her hand before she tried to walk away. "I'm going to fight for you Spencer," he told her. "I don't care if it takes years; I am going to fight for you. I am going to do my best to make things right with you. I'm done running away with my tail between my legs. It's time I face this like a man and answer to you like one as well. I will answer any question you have, but know that the one question you're dying to ask will hurt you and the blame won't all be on me, though I do carry a big share of it. I just want to warn you," he said.

Spencer looked down, unable to even see his face during the admission. "Toby, I-"

"I know you're not ready for a lot, to hear how I feel, to be around me for long periods of time, and I'm not going to push for now. But I am here, Spencer," he cut her off and hooked a finger under her chin so she had to look at him. "I am here and I am not going anywhere until I feel like there is absolutely no hope for us, none at all, even if that means staying here for years and seeing you marry another man. Only then will I truly give up, but honestly then I will probably still wait around and at the first sign of marital trouble I'll be there," he stated.

For some reason she laughed, her eyes watering, knowing he was being truthful. She could just imagine having a blow out with her "husband" only to find Toby at the door with a teddy bear and his puppy dog eyes. That was a sight she didn't know if she could resist.

A tear slid down her cheek as she simply nodded in response to him, unable to form words, too shocked to form a real answer.

He lifted his free hand to wipe it away and stepped closer to her. "I'm here, Spencer, so when you're ready for answers I'm ready to give them. But until then I'm going to try and win you back."

She let out a shaky breath and sniffled. "I-I have to go home. I, um, meeting a client tomorrow," she whispered.

"Do you want me to walk you?" he questioned.

She shook her head. "No. I- it's only a few blocks."

Toby nodded, dropping his hold on her and stepped back to give her space. "Have a good night, Spencer. Good luck with that client tomorrow."

Spencer turned around and walked away, overwhelmed with everything he'd told her, everything she felt, and how confused she was. She was so mad at him for the last two weeks, pissed he was keeping things from her, for what he did, everything. Then just seeing him so upset and with a few nice words it was like it melted away.

The things Toby Cavanaugh could still do to her.

But she couldn't help but think that the Toby back there at the bench, that was the Toby she knew and it was nice to speak to him again.

* * *

**So hereeee. What do you think?**

**I didn't start this chapter for it to be so emotional for Toby, it just happened. But I like it. Do you?**

**What you thinkin'? The reason Toby left is coming soon! Promise!**

**The more reviews the better the chapter ;) hint, hint.**

**- Kay**


	8. Chapter 8

**You guys are great!**

**I'm glad you liked the Taleb, I personally love them! I wish we could have gotten scenes from when Caleb said he was with Toby all night after his house got blown up but nooooo. Hah.**

**PLL GUYS. I freakin' HATE Alison. I am so done with her.  
Toby is in the next one! CAN'T WAIT.  
I am going to hate the hiatus.**

**I had a really hard time writing this. I actually finished it, hated it, then rewrote it while adding parts of the original I didn't absolutely hate and it turned into this.**

**Chapter 8.**

* * *

"Hanna, you're stealing all my lines!" Spencer complained in half a laugh before spooning Chinese into her mouth.

"I want to reassign roles," her friend complained, frowning into her chicken.

Spencer laughed. "We agreed. If you get to be Rapunzel I get to be Ariel, fair is fair," she insisted.

"Fine. Flynn is much hotter than Eric anyways," Hanna countered and stuck her tongue out.

"I think you mean Eugene," Spencer replied with a smirk.

"Shut. Up," Hanna said with her eyes dark. "I just can't imagine moaning Eugene, okay?"

Spencer chuckled. "Think of it as 'Euuuu-GENE,'" she mocked.

"Say it with me, 'Flynnnn,'" she said in a sultry voice.

"'Er-IC!'" Spencer responded.

"Do you always yell out the last syllable like this?" Hanna asked, genuinely curious.

Spencer shrugged, twirling her Lo Mein with the plastic fork. "Depends on the orgasm," she sighed.

"Missing orgasms, eh?" Hanna questioned, her eyebrows bouncing. "I would too. I mean Caleb and I go at it, like, all the time. When he finally cut his hair and grew some scruff, damn."

"Han, he did that like over a year ago," Spencer reminded her, chuckling.

Hanna nodded. "And it's still fucking hot, alright?"

Spencer shook her head at the blonde. She did miss sex and orgasms and intimacy and everything. The only person she had ever been with was Toby and she prided herself in that, so even though she had options they weren't anything she wanted to explore. Sex was always more with Toby; she couldn't imagine hooking up with just anyone. It was more intimate to her than that.

"Have you talked to him since?" she asked a few silent moments later.

It was Disney night so Caleb obviously wasn't invited. Although if he had joined Spencer had no doubt he would sing 'I Can See the Light' with Hanna and anything else requested. He was well versed in his Disney duets. You couldn't be dating Hanna and not be. Or any of the four of them for that matter. Disney nights were something they had done all throughout their friendship.

Spencer shook her head again. "No. I've been busy with work and I don't know, everything else," she answered.

She told her friends what had happened that night eight days ago. The intimacy she felt with him she had left out. That was just something she wanted to keep to herself.

People underestimate the power of an apology. She had been so mad at him, was still mad at him, along with angry, upset, disappointed, hurt, heartbroken... the list could go on with all the emotions that swirled through her at the thought of Toby Cavanaugh. But his apology meant something to her—she didn't think that something as simple as a sincere apology would help, but it did.

Her friends had been supportive, Emily the most with Hanna the least and Aria somewhere in the middle. In the end they promised they would stand behind her and were there if she needed to talk. For that she was grateful because she hadn't even told her family about Toby's reemergence into Rosewood.

Jason had taken it bad enough. Every time they talked he asked about her ex-fiancée and commented on how he wished he could 'teach him a lesson' or something manly of the sort.

Besides, Melissa was still newly engaged and didn't want to start a fight about stealing her thunder by dropping the news about Toby. That was the last thing she needed. Melissa was already planning and her mother was right on board. Her parents weren't on board with her engagement, but eventually had accepted it.

It was why she hadn't even told her parents they'd decided to get married early. Originally she'd wanted to wait until after law school, but the summer before her last year she'd just asked Toby in bed one night.

_"I wanna spend the rest of my life with you," Spencer whispered with her eyes closed._

_Toby's finger was doodling on the small of her back as they cuddled in bed. "You're going to," he replied just as softly. "I think the proposal was the promise of that."_

_"No, right now," she corrected him._

_"Spence, are you being serious?" he asked, his hand stopping, his voice rising to a normal tone._

_She slowly opened her eyes. "I want to marry you, Toby. This summer. I can change my name at school next semester and graduate as Spencer Cavanaugh," she assured him._

_"Is this just about not being a Hastings anymore?" he questioned._

_That was something they had spoken about. He assumed that since she was a post-modern feminist, as she was frequently insisting, that she would just want to keep her last night, not that he minded. She told him that it was probably true, but she wanted to be a Cavanaugh. He was a Cavanaugh and the best person she knew, so kind and caring and sweet and everything in between._

_He was a Cavanaugh and so she wanted to be one too.__Plus it wouldn't be so bad not having the Hastings name looming over her head._

_"No. It's about not being able to wait anymore," she assured him. "I want to marry you, Tobes. I don't want to wait because my parents would prefer it that way or it's the responsible thing to do, I don't know. You make me spontaneous and do crazy and this is that to me. I want to do this."_

_Toby looked over her face and then nodded slowly. "I only was waiting because that was what you wanted. If you want to get married this summer just give me a tux, a date, and a time," he stated._

_Spencer smiled. "I want it to be intimate. I want it to be just us and friends," she told him._

_"As in our parents aren't invited or they don't know?" he asked hesitantly._

_"Both," Spencer answered. "Neither of our families have been supportive of us or even treated us well. Do you really want to bind our lives together for eternity with Jenna in the pews staring at you?" she asked and he looked at her pointedly. "Metaphorically, of course."_

_"No. You're my family, Emily, Caleb, the girls, they are my family. I even consider Jason my family even though I don't think he'll ever truly like me," he told her._

_"Jason likes you and accepts you and approves of you. You just happened to deflower his little sister," Spencer cut in. "He's kind of protective."_

_Toby smiled. "He's more than kind of protective, Spencer, but I don't mind. You deserve nothing more than a brother who wants the best for you," he insisted. "I just- I am happy marrying you tomorrow at City Hall or something. I just want to make sure this is something you truly want, not just something you're saying after mind blowing sex," he admitted._

_"'Mind blowing?' You really think you're that good?" she teased, squeezing his cheek a little bit._

_"Uh, do you want me to turn around so you can see the scratches on my back? Or how about we tape it so you can see how much you tend to scream. I mean-"_

_"Toby, I was kidding!" she laughed, covering his mouth. "You're amazing in bed, the best ever and I'm not just saying that 'cause I have nothing to compare it to. I'm saying it because it's more than sex. It's making love and all that other girly crap," she told him._

_He smiled and kissed her on the lips softly. "Thank you. You're right. I am amazing in bed," he agreed and she punched him lightly. "Don't worry, you're right up there with me, you're the best too."_

_"Thank you. Back to the point. Yes, I am sure I want this. I want to marry you. I don't care if it's at City Hall or up on the overlook with one of our friends officiating because that would certainly be interesting," she laughed and he did too. "I just want to marry you and only do it in front of those who love us and love us together."_

_Toby nodded. "Then let's do it."_

"You're allowed to want to talk to him you know," Hanna said in a small voice.

Spencer shook her head. "It's the fact that I do want him that almost sickens me," she admitted. "I mean, he left me. And I want to sing 'A Whole New World' with him. I want to eat Chinese food with him and hear him complain that I'm not doing it right because I'm not using chopsticks. I want to come home to him playing the guitar. I want to be engaged again," she sniffled. "I want him back and I feel so shitty because of it."

"Spencer," Hanna sighed and came to sit next to her. "Look, we agreed to stand behind you no matter what and that is exactly what I plan on doing. Am I iffy about the situation? Yes, only because I don't want to see you get hurt again. But I will still have your back if you decide to take him back or want to ransack his apartment and set his truck on fire," she promised.

Spencer laughed, wiping her tears. "I think I'd get kicked off the bar for that," she said.

"Not if you aren't in on it," Hanna replied with a wink. "It's normal to want him back, to want all of it back, but that isn't something you can decide until you know what happened. So until then, I'm sorry girl, but you're in limbo."

She nodded. "I know. I just wish there was a guide book for this stuff."

"I'm not so sure that would be a best-seller but if anyone can make it work you can," Hanna insisted, making Spencer laugh again. "Now, come on, sing 'Poor Unfortunate Souls' with me. Ursula was one bad ass beyotch."

-:-:-:-:-

The following weekend was a light one. Since she threw herself into work after Toby dropped the honesty bomb she was ahead and feeling more prepared than ever.

But with work under control, her apartment almost too clean, her friends busy, and personally worried about working out too much she was left with nothing to do.

The extra time in her hands left her in the Brew, reading a book, trying not to think about Toby. She hadn't seen him since that day over a week ago. He had just signed onto the Sweeney project so she assumed he was busy with that.

Whether it was a good or bad thing she didn't know. Hanna was right, she was in limbo and she hated it, but she also didn't want it to end either. She did want him back, want what they had back, but knowing the truth and handling the truth were two different things.

Not knowing she could pretend somehow she could take him back after everything and have a full, wonderful life again with Toby.

Knowing and not being able to forgive him would leave her at square one all over again and she knew she would not be able to handle being left all over again. Even if he did promise to fight for her it would feel like him leaving all over again, she knew it.

That kind of love wasn't just something you got over or left behind if it was an option again, not unless it was toxic or something else of the sort. And she didn't know if it was toxic yet, that wasn't something she could judge until she knew everything.

So when she sat in the Brew reading and saw Toby coming down the steps from the loft she didn't know how to react.

He was staying in loft? She hadn't known that. How could he stay there after everything? It took her almost six months to be able to even come to the Brew for coffee and he was _living_ back in the loft again? She hadn't been able to even set foot in there.

She avoided eye contact by looking down at her book.

"_50 Shades of Grey_?" a voice questioned from above her.

Spencer looked up and rolled her lips together, trying to hold back a laugh. "Really?"

Toby grinned and sat down on the arm chair catty corner to her on the couch. "It was just a guess," he replied, chuckling a little as he did.

"_Little Women,_ actually," she informed him, reaching for her coffee cup.

"I've been rereading Fitzgerald myself," he responded.

Spencer couldn't help but smile. "You always were a sucker for him," she commented.

"One of my non-guilty pleasures," he told her, his blue eyes shining. "That was one of the many great things you did for me, expand my literary pallet," he went on.

"In more than one language," she couldn't help but agree.

"I still think T_he Catcher and the Rye_ is better in English," he mentioned.

"And I still hate subtitles," Spencer insisted.

"Okay, that's not fair. Noir doesn't have to be in subtitles, just most of the ones I made you watch were. It is one of the great genres, okay?" he responded sternly.

"That was not the only genre you made me watch in a different language! There were countless! I mean, Eisenstein, Godard-"

"You can't just list them off like that! They are some of the best directors in the business." Toby cut her off. "I mean, the Odessa steps scene is legendary and even you admitted to liking _Breathless_," he reminded her. "Besides, if it was in French you understood it."

"Yeah, but you can't help but read the subtitles if they are there!" she exclaimed. "But I still hated the girls in Godard's films, in _Breathless_and_Contempt_."

Toby nodded. "I'll give you that, but they had their reasons for doing the things they did," he mumbled.

"I loved the screwball movies though," she murmured.

He chuckled. "You did pee yourself during _Bringing Up Baby_," he said.

"We agreed to never tell anyone about that!" she warned, trying to stop herself from laughing.

"I haven't, you knew about it therefore I could bring it up," Toby insisted. "_What's Up Doc?_ was a whole different story," he added, grinning at her.

Spencer smiled back at him, unable to help herself.

Not many knew Toby was a film junkie and once they'd gotten together and Spencer had told him she wasn't the biggest movie person he'd been left agape. So they'd made a deal, if he read books suggested by her she'd watch movies chosen by him and with him. They'd gone through countless genres over the years, noir, screwball, classics, and you couldn't forget Georges Méliès who was the driving force of early cinema. He made her watch _A Trip to the Moon_ and _Hugo_ probably ten times all together.

It had been worth it. Most of the movies she enjoyed and she also enjoyed having literary spats with him about the likes of _The Great Gatsby, The Road, The Grapes of Wrath_, and countless other novels. She also got him to sit through the Vagina Monologues in Phili one year. He admitted to enjoying it.

It was one of the many things she loved about their relationship, how they taught each other things and brightened the other's horizons. He challenged her in other ways than who did better on a test or who impressed her dad's boss better like her rivalry with Melissa did.

So even though she was mad at Toby and there was so much unspoken between them she couldn't help but close her book and sit up before asking "Seen any good movies lately?"

It was unknown to her how long it had been or how it had happened but she and Toby had slipped into an effortless conversation like they always did. They'd even ended up on the couch together with an assortment of treats and coffee to share between them.

"That is a lie!" she yelped indignantly, a pout on her face.

Toby grinned into his coffee cup. "Believe what you want," he mumbled.

"No! I never stood on the table and sang 'Party in the USA'!" she insisted.

"Spencer, I clearly remember-"

"No! I didn't sing 'Party in the USA' on my twenty first birthday. I sang 'The Climb,'" she corrected him. "A much better song, do not argue with me on that part either," she went on laughing.

Toby nodded. "Okay fine, either way you sang a Miley Cyrus song," he reminded her.

"Alright, on your birthday you stood on the roof of your truck and sang 'You Are So Beautiful' to me," she told him with a pointed look, ignoring the intimacy of the topic as they had been doing all night.

"A much better song than either of the songs you did or did not sing," he replied without missing a beat.

"Yeah, well then you fell off the roof and got a concussion," she finished the story. "All I did was lose my dignity."

Toby's chest jumped up and down as he laughed heartily. "Hey, I had fun staying up all night with you," he said.

"You had fun!? I was worried sick. Every time you closed your eyes I thought you were going to slip into a coma. It was horrible," she chuckled about it now. "And Caleb wasn't any help insisting you drink more," she muttered.

"You have got to let that go. It was my twenty first birthday, what was I supposed to do?" he questioned.

"Um, placate your worrywart girlfriend?" she responded.

He smiled. "I was under the influence. I've said I'm sorry like a hundred times. So here's one more. I'm sorry," he apologized while looking her in the eye.

She knew he was saying sorry for more than his birthday all those years ago. He was once again saying sorry for what he did almost three years ago now.

In an instant the mood had changed from talking film and literature and bouts of nostalgia to something much more serious.

"I know," she whispered, unable to look away from his eyes. "But it- it's not that easy," she said in a barely audible tone.

Toby put his coffee down and nodded. "I know. I've never been more sorry in my life, regretted anything more."

"Concussions are more common for you if you've had them before," she mentioned. "And you're more prone to headaches and-"

"Spence," Toby cut her off in a low tone. "You don't have to list off the side effects of concussions if you want to change the subject. Just... start talking about something else," he offered.

She looked down, breaking the trance his eyes often had on her. "I-I want to pretend like," she stopped. "It was so nice just-"

"Spencer, the last two years happened," Toby stated, lifting her chin so she had to look at him. It reminded her of six days ago when he did the same thing. "We can sit here and reminisce all we want, but those two years are not something we can choose to forget, even if we both wish we could."

Without thinking she grabbed the fingers under her chin and moved his hand to cup her cheek. "I'm sorry."

"Spencer, do not apologize to me," he said in a hard tone, brushing his thumb over her cheek bone. "I'd be so glad if you could forgive me," he began a few moments later when her eyes watered. "But what I want, and what is all too selfish of me, is for you to forget."

She sniffled and cupped his face with her free hand, loving the feel of him too much. It was the first sober touch that she had whole-heartedly welcomed and so she relished in it.

"I want to forget too," she murmured.

"But you can't, neither of us can," he matched her voice. "I don't know what I thought when I came back here. I thought that you'd see me and some sort of amnesia would come over you and the last two years would be wiped just because I got the guts to come back," he admitted childishly.

"I'd rather have amnesia than a concussion," she teased and he chuckled.

He smiled. "I don't know, I remember my birthday very well despite the alcohol and head injury," he said. "I remember lying in the back of my truck with my head in your lap looking at the stars," he went on. "Your fingers running through my hair as you kept me talking so I wouldn't fall asleep."

"It was a great birthday," she chuckled, blinking away the tears.

"Does this mean you're over me drinking after getting the concussion?" he asked, his eyes suddenly bright.

Spencer couldn't help but bust out laughing. She laughed so hard she doubled over; not caring that her face was near Toby's crotch and it should have been awkward. She laughed so hard that Toby started laughing with her.

It must have been five minutes that they were laughing because her stomach started to hurt which only caused her to laugh more. Different kinds of tears filled her eyes and she wiped them as she began to calm down.

"Yes, Toby, I think I can manage to forgive you for getting a concussion on your birthday," she finally answered him.

Toby was still chuckling a little bit. "Ah, what a great day," he sighed.

"I'm really having fun tonight," she admitted, smiling as she looked at him.

He picked up a muffin and handed it to her. "Me too. Now tell me what it's like to finally be a lawyer," he insisted, picking at the top of her muffin like he used to before.

Spencer tore a piece off and held it up. "I tell you about being a lawyer and you tell me about being a fancy shmancy architect, deal?" she compromised before throwing the piece into his mouth.

As always Toby caught it. "Deal, but you only get to ask a question every time you catch one," he replied, ripping his own piece off and tossed it back at her.

It bounced off her nose. "Not fair! You suck at throwing!" she accused.

"No, you suck at catching it. I am good at both throwing and catching," he corrected her with a smirk.

"Not true! Your theory has not been tested so you cannot make such statements," she responded with her arms crossed.

Toby shook his head at her. "How am I supposed to argue with you now? It's your profession!" he whined.

Spencer smiled and sat up excitedly. "Yep, so you better pick your battles wisely," she warned.

"Noted," he said. "So, I get first question. I already caught one. Tell me about working for non-profit, it seems really interesting."

Only Toby would want to hear about the inner workings of the non-profit firm. It was mostly paperwork she learned during her many internships and usually her friends listened to her stories but were never really all that interested, not that she minded. She knew parts of her job were boring, but she liked it anyways. And it was nice to have someone to gush to about it, even the boring parts.

They traded question for question. She learned about his schooling and the people he'd worked with in New York, how much he loved designing houses and other types of structures. Bridges were something he had trouble with, but he still enjoyed it. His specialty was the houses; he liked thinking of who was going to live in it and having meetings with whoever wanted their house designed. He graduated at the top of his class and took summer courses so it would only take him the two years.

Although she was unsure of how he would take it she told him how she graduated a semester late because of how hard it was to focus on school after he left. Of course she added on how she passed the bar with flying colors. He learned about how her family was disappointed with her decision to not join the family practice and rolled his eyes at it. She liked that and told him the story about her first time in front of a judge sitting first chair to lighten the mood—it was story she was embarrassed about and Andrew had to step in and help because she almost fainted.

She didn't tell him that Andrew was the guy she'd kissed multiple times now and that he was the one she used to hurt him when he first came back.

They'd managed to avoid the elephant in the room and she'd been grateful. She knew if she asked too much about why he left he'd tell her, after all they were being honest now, but she still wasn't ready.

It was like she'd gotten a part of him back, her best friend, and she wasn't ready to have that tainted just yet, especially since it felt like it was going to happen soon.

"Thanks for walking me home even though it was only a few blocks and you were already home," she said again as they stood out front of her apartment building.

"Well, Rosewood just has such a high crime rate, ya know," he joked.

"Oh yeah the body count is going up each year," she continued.

Toby smiled. "It was the gentlemanly thing to do," he insisted.

She ducked her head. He always was a gentleman. Without a chance to talk herself out of it she reached forward and hugged him. "It was nice today," she whispered into his shoulder.

He buried his head in her neck like he always used to. "It was."

"I lo-" she started to say, but stopped herself. She quickly pulled away, silently cursing herself. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean- well, I did mean, but I didn't mean and," she began to ramble fervently.

"Spence," Toby cut her off. "Don't worry about it," he assured her.

She couldn't look him in the eye. She almost told him she loved him. How stupid was she? It would have been true, but it was not something they should be saying at all to each other. There was still too much unknown and she hated it. Stupid fuckin' limbo.

"I'm sorry," she repeated, staring at the ground.

"Hey," he said, lifting her chin to look at him once again. He kept doing that and it kept having too much of an effect on her. "I wanted to say it first anyways," he murmured.

Her eyes widened as she had a bout of Deja vu. That was what she had said when they first said 'I love you' to one another.

_"Am I crazy?" Spencer wondered into her phone as she drove to meet her boyfriend._

_"_Probably_," Aria answered nonchalantly over the line._

_"Aria!" she exclaimed. "You're supposed to say this is a good idea and he'll love it and- I don't know, something better than that!"_

_"S_pencer, you know him better than anyone but we all saw him salivate over that old thing,_" Aria responded. "_It's sweet, he'll probably be shocked, but love it,_" she assured her._

_Spencer let out a long breath. "Alright, alright, I'm about to meet him. So I gotta go, but just an FYI you're not great at pep talks," she mentioned before hanging up on Aria's laugh. Calling her was not the best idea. Emily may have been a better choice but she didn't have the time to make another call now._

_All Toby could talk about for the last three weeks was this old truck he found for sale and fell in love with. She'd seen it, but didn't understand it. It looked like an old junker to her, but to him it was like a trophy or something. He went on and on about how great the engine was for its age and the miles and gas. She'd listened, but was more interested in how he said it. He was so passionate about it._

_For weeks she'd been wracking her brain on what to get him for Christmas. He was such a hard person to shop for, he didn't want much, got by with the simple things in life, and when she'd asked he just said having her was a good enough present for him. It was sweet, but she still needed to get him something. So to Spencer this was the perfect gift. However she had been so nervous about giving it to him, worried about how extravagant he would find it. After all the Hastings motto was "why enjoy today when you can worry about tomorrow?"_

_So she'd dipped into her savings and bought the truck for him. Her parents would probably flip when they found out, but she didn't care. He deserved this, especially after she'd personally seen how tense things were in her home. She didn't know why exactly, but it wasn't a place she'd want to be all of the time either._

_It was nearing the end of November so there were still some jobs up for grabs and he'd grabbed his last one of the season in town. He'd gotten a ride from a friend on the job to work but asked Spencer to pick him up after so they could hang out. And that was what she was doing—in his new truck._

_She waited nervously outside of the house waiting for him to exit. The family was adding on to their garage and wanted it done before the weather got too bad so there was a rush on the job. Another reason it was a good idea for him to have the truck—he was at this job every day after school and felt bad asking for rides. It wasn't near his house so he couldn't walk, especially with his own tools he brought._

_When she saw the few men start to exit the back of the home her gut dropped to the ground._

_Toby came out with a smile on his face, but upon seeing her it drifted away as his eyes widened. "Spence... what did you do?" he asked, but his eyes weren't on her, they were on the truck._

_"It's your Christmas present. Don't you like it?" she asked timidly._

_"Spencer, I love it, but do you know how long it will take for me to pay you back?" he questioned._

_She shook her head. "I don't want paid back. It's a present," she insisted. He was still staring at the truck. "If you don't like it I can- well, I don't know if I can return it but I can figure out something, I mean-"_

_She was cut off when he kissed her. He was so exuberant with the kiss she fell backwards onto the truck and he picked her up by the bum a little to access her lips better. "I love you so much," he whispered a few moments later, setting her on the ground._

_Spencer blinked up at him. "I wanted to say it first!" she murmured._

_Toby chuckled and kissed her softly again. "I think the truck did it for you just a little bit," he commented. "I mean, who buys a car for their significant other when you don't love them?" he questioned._

_"I do love you," she responded and rested her forehead on his. "And I tend to go overboard for the people I love so get used to it," she added._

_"Can I at least pay you half with the money I have?" he asked, rubbing their noses together._

_She shook her head. "No, but maybe you can pay for dinner?"_

_He chuckled. "I'll being paying for dinner for a while babe, no more going Dutch on dates. I don't care if you're a modern feminist," he stated._

_Spencer smiled. "For a while I'll placate you. But I can only promise until Christmastime. I just feel so giving this time of the year," she mentioned with a smile._

_Toby laughed and hugged her. "C'mon, let's get you in this truck before you catch a cold. You're a handful healthy, I can't imagine what you're like sick," he teased._

_"Hastings don't get sick," she assured him._

_He shook his head at her. "Just get in the truck."_

For some time she just looked up at him. They had just said they loved each other without saying the words she and was torn between crying and wanting to rip his clothes off.

"I-I think you should come inside," she finally whispered.

Toby nodded. "Whatever you want, Spence."

She'd unlocked the building door and he silently followed her up the steps to her second floor apartment.

"Nice place," he commented, probably to fill the awkward silence once they'd actually gotten inside the space.

Spencer just turned around to face him. "I can't do this anymore, Toby," she stated. He looked at her worried and confused and about a million other emotions. "Live in limbo. I need to know why you left. I need to know what caused you to throw away our future."

He nodded again. "I told you I would tell you when you were ready," he agreed. "Do you want to sit?" he asked.

"No. I want to know. Just tell me why you left," she almost pleaded, her eyes already watering.

Toby rubbed the back of his head. "On the morning of the wedding I had a visitor," he began. She nodded, using her hands to urge him along. "It was your dad."

Her eyes widened.

Her dad? How had he known that was their wedding day? What did he do? What did he make Toby do?

* * *

**What did Peter do? Any ideas. You WILL find out the whole reason of what occurred in the next chap! Promise.**

**So let me know what you think. I like this version of the chapter much better but I still don't think it's just right. Sigh.**

**REVIEW PLEASE.**

**- Kay**


	9. Chapter 9

**Thanks so much to those who reviewed and do so every chapter. You're the best :)**

**Now I don't want to be one of those authors who is like no chapter until this many reviews, but I do like to have as many as the number of chapters posted.  
For example if I have 8 chapters I like having 80 reviews (total, not for that chapter).  
That is when I feel confident that enough people like/commented on my writing so I can continue with the next chapter.  
So I will still post but please review if you don't often.  
Thanks guys :)**

**This story is ending soonish. I never meant for it to be long.  
No worries, I have a new story idea in mind.  
Want a summary?**

**Chapter 9**

* * *

"My- my dad? What? How?" Spencer demanded instantly.

"You probably don't want a whole drawn out story, but you need it. You need all the facts, so bear with me, okay?" Toby replied, stepping closer to her.

_"Mr. Hastings?" he answered the door, feeling entirely too hungover for this. _

_Last night had been his bachelor party with a few friends, but none of them had stayed over. He had been dropped off because he was 'annoying' according to Caleb. Excuse him for being excited to marry the love of his life the next day. Did they expect him not to talk about Spencer?_

_"Surprised to see me?" Peter replied, stepping into the loft apartment without Toby's consent. _

_"I-I- yes, I mean," he tried to respond, but was too confused._

_"Why? It is my daughter's wedding day after all," Peter informed him authoritatively. Toby's eyes widened not knowing what to say. "Surprised I know? Probably as surprised as I was to find out my daughter was getting married without my knowledge."_

_Toby rubbed the back of his head. "Sir, we didn't- this wasn't-"_

_"Don't try to explain yourself," Peter cut him off, looking like he was surveying the apartment he shared with his daughter._

_"How did you find out?" Toby questioned quietly, unsure of how to handle the situation right then._

_"Spencer's mother and I don't approve of you, Toby," Peter told him. "We thought you would just be a phase, the dark, mysterious older guy who didn't fit in to the mold we created around her. But you never broke up, in fact you got engaged. Spencer had always said she wanted to wait until she finished law school so we thought we had time. Perhaps she would see how different the two of you were when she was thrust into the business world," he went on. _

_Toby held his tongue and refused to back down, even if Mr. Hastings words stung._

_"But did you think I would blindly allow my daughter to move in with you and be engaged to you? No," Peter said. _

_"Did you hire someone to track her or something?" Toby questioned with his voice stern. _

_"Not track so much as watch over, make sure she wasn't doing anything else stupid with her life," Peter corrected. "The both of you, actually." _

_Toby shook his head. "Is this what you came over tell me? That you betrayed your daughter's trust? That you don't approve of me? Neither really surprise me, sir," Toby assured him._

_"No, I came to stop my daughter from making another mistake," Peter told him. "I don't want you to marry my daughter, Toby," he stated._

_Toby crossed his arms. "Well, I am. I love her. She loves me. We're happy together. Why do you want to take that away from us-from her? Aren't fathers supposed to want their daughter to find a guy who loves her more than anything, would protect her at all costs?" he asked._

_"This isn't a movie, Toby. Fathers want someone who will take care of their daughters, someone who is a positive influence, someone who is going somewhere with their life," Peter said. "It won't be you taking care of my daughter. It will be her taking care of you. She is set to join her mother's practice one day, she's accustomed to our lifestyle, is a model Hastings. You aren't going anywhere with your life. You've gone to college on and off for years with no direction, taking construction jobs here and there. Do you even have a plan, son?" _

_His jawline protruded. "Don't call me son. You are not my father," he ground out._

_"No, and I hope to not be your father in law either," Peter insisted. _

_"I may not have my entire life mapped out, my dream job isn't quite clear yet, and you're right, I may have no direction, but the one thing in my life I know that is right and perfect is your daughter. She is everything to me and if you think coming here and calling me out in my bullshit is going to make me not want to marry her, you're wrong," Toby snapped._

_"You may be right." Peter nodded. "But how do you think Spencer would react to her mother and I not continuing to pay for law school? She wouldn't be offered a spot in her mother's practice. We're lawyers, Toby, we can find a way to retract her trust fund as well, or what is left of it after she drains it trying to pay for school and her car before it's repossessed," Peter questioned._

_"What exactly are you trying to say, Mr. Hastings? If Spencer marries me you will disown her?" Toby asked, his gut churning._

_"You're smarter than you look, son," Peter replied, a small smile on his lips. "If you marry Spencer she will be left with nothing: half an education, no car, no money, no skills for the working world, just you. My daughter may seem like living with you in squalor will be romantic and fun, but once she has nothing this love affair of yours won't be too appealing to her, trust me," he added on._

_Toby shook his head. "You wouldn't do that. She's your daughter, you love her," he persisted._

_"I do love her, this is why I would do it," Peter replied, his face made of stone. "Like I said, she acts like living below her is fun, but once she has nothing she'll come back to her family. Think about it, her education and drive is something she prides herself in, Toby, probably more than anything else. She's spent most of her life trying to be better than her sister, to impress us, what do you think she'll do when she knows she will never be better than Melissa, will never be welcome in our home because if she marries you she won't be a Hastings anymore."_

_Toby's heart jumped to his throat. They wouldn't do it. They wouldn't disown her. They were her parents. They wouldn't ruin her life like this. Would they? _

_"I have more to sweeten the pot as well," Peter began after a few silent moments. He lifted the briefcase he was carrying and set it on the table. It popped open to show a mound of green._

_"Money? You want to pay me off?" Toby choked, looking from the money to Spencer's father._

_"I don't want you to marry my daughter. Don't ruin her life. Take this money and figure out your life somewhere else, away from her," Peter suggested. _

_"Me leaving would kill her," Toby assured him. "You do know that, right? Do you really want to do that to her?" _

_"I want to help her. I want her to live up to her potential. She won't do that with you," Peter replied easily and shrugged nonchalantly. _

_Toby shook his head and turned around. Parts of Peter's reasoning made sense. _

_Spencer did pride herself on her drive and education. How would she feel knowing he took it away from her? Would she end up hating him? If they had nothing, if he was in construction and she worked some meaningless, thinkless job for the rest of her life would she be happy? _

_They wouldn't be able to afford the rest of law school, they'd take her car away, they'd have no money based on his income and her lack of trust fund. If she had nothing but him would she still want him? Love him yes, but be able to stay with him? A relationship took more than love to work._

_Everyone in his life turned their back on him before her. He didn't know if he would be able to handle seeing her do the same or if he would survive it. _

_Toby closed his eyes and continued to shake his head. "I can't leave her. I can't be without her."_

_"This isn't about you. It's about her," Peter replied. "If you do love her more than anything you want her to have a bright future, the life she deserves, don't you?" _

"How much?" Spencer asked, barely audible.

Toby shook his head. "It wasn't about the money, I couldn't take you-"

"How much!?" she exclaimed, tears running down her cheeks. "How much was I worth to you?" she demanded once more.

"One hundred grand," he answered. "But it wasn't about the money! It was about you! I couldn't take you hating me because of everything marrying me would cost you," he insisted.

"Get out," Spencer ordered. Toby shook his head and stepped closer to her. "Get OUT!" she screamed, pounding on his chest with tears flowing, her lips trembling. "Get out, get out, get out!" she pleaded.

Not knowing what else to do Toby turned for the door, grabbing his black hoodie on the way out. "I'm so sorry, Spencer," he apologized as he opened the door.

"Just leave!" she wailed, her hands covering her face.

He walked out the door and pulled his phone out. "Caleb? Spencer needs Hanna. Now," he stated, leaning against the wall of the hallway. He wouldn't leave her until help arrived. Even though he wasn't with her, he couldn't bear to leave her truly alone either.

When he got home Caleb was waiting for him.

"Not now," he mumbled, reaching for the alcohol on the counter.

"You told her," Caleb stated the obvious.

Toby didn't respond, just took a swig of whiskey right from the bottle. It felt like he was breathing fire but he took another gulp.

"Hanna will take care of it. I'm sure the other girls are already on their way to her," his friend told him.

Toby shook his head. "They can't take care of this, Caleb. I just broke her heart all over again," he said and squeezed his eyes shut. "I took money from her father and left. He paid me off and I took it," he mumbled before putting the bottle to his lips again.

"It wasn't like that. You thought you were protecting her," Caleb insisted.

"We could have made our way. She had her bachelor's, she would have had another job. We could use my truck between the two of us, stay in the loft longer than planned. We could have made our way, but I pussied out. I took the money and I went to New York and I ruined everything," Toby listed off, his grip tightening on the bottle.

"You thought she would hate you for taking her future away," Caleb continued to help. "All Spencer ever wanted was to be a lawyer as soon as she declared her major. She wanted to be a lawyer and show her parents how good she was. You thought she would hate you because she wouldn't finish college, she wouldn't be a lawyer. They would've take her trust fund away, her car, and probably make it impossible for her to work in town or anywhere around." He watched his friend take another gulp of the brown liquid. "It wasn't the right decision, but you had the right intentions. You just have to let her deal with this right now. The girls will take care of her. Soon she will want more answers and she will come to you. There is still a chance, Tobe."

Toby shook his head. "I don't think so," he replied, looking his friend in the eye. "And I don't know if I can leave her again."

"Then don't. Stay and see what you can do. Don't let fear make your decisions again," Caleb told him.

He looked at his friend and took a swig from the bottle once more. Caleb was right, but it wasn't going to be easy. And when things weren't easy he often retreated into his shell or skipped town for a construction job.

That wasn't an option anymore. He had to be a man. He had a job in town and a girl to win.

-:-:-

She sat at the bay windows, staring out of them, but not really seeing anything.

Her friends were behind her, on the floor, sleeping on the mountain of blankets and in between the hills of tissues she'd gone through last night.

Tears formed in her eyes, but she blinked them away.

When Toby left, she'd kept it from her parents, then came over one day with no engagement ring and of course her mother spotted it right away. She'd told them they'd simply broken up. Her mother acted sympathetic, but ultimately was happy about it.

Did her mother know about this too? Probably.

It was still unbelievable that her father paid Toby off to leave her. One hundred thousand dollars. That was how much she was worth to her family and to Toby. That was how much her happiness was worth.

A friend stirred behind her and she tensed. She didn't want to talk. She'd cried and talked all night, crying more than anything else. She spat the story out when Hanna magically appeared to find her collapsed on the floor where Toby left her. Hanna had already sent the SOS and the others were on their way.

There weren't enough tears. She fell asleep crying in Aria's lap, wailing 'why' every few minutes. It was like the wedding day all over again.

_Spencer sipped the champagne as she looked at herself in the long mirror. _

_They were to drive to the overlook any minute now, where Emily, their ordained minister, would marry them. The girls had been there on and off all week, clearing away the brush, making it look more magical than like a jungle. White rose pedals had been laid in a circle where they would stand, with red outlining a make shift aisle. _

_Hanna was the maid of honor, Caleb the best man, Jason giving her away, and Aria was serving as the witness because she deserved a title. Of course her boyfriend Ezra was invited, as was Emily's girlfriend Paige. _

_They were to take pictures there, then head back to the Brew which was closed that day for their own reception. Toby and Spencer were to spend their wedding night in the loft and take a trip to NYC together that weekend as a pseudo-honeymoon. _

_She smiled at her reflection, the fake, white pedals in the intricate bun her hair was in, her dress. It was white, of course, and had a sweetheart neckline, showing off her assets a little bit, the bodice ending high on her waist with a silver, sparkly ribbon. The bottom of the dress flowed down in layers to her feet. It was simple, but beautiful, just what she wanted it to be. _

_There was a knock at the door and she crinkled her brows. They were in Hanna's apartment and no one was due over, but she didn't care. Nothing could take her down today. It was her wedding day after all, but they did have to leave soon. _

_She didn't see who it was, but Hanna went outside to speak to them. _

_"I can't believe you two are getting married," Emily cooed, coming up behind her._

_Spencer turned and put down her glass. "I know. I'm so nervous I might throw up," she said with an uneasy face. _

_"Don't. It'll be great. In an hour you'll be Spencer Cavanaugh," Emily reminded her with a wide smile._

_Spencer matched it. "I never thought I could be so excited to not be a Hastings anymore. I can't wait to be Toby's wife. Oh, God, I'm going to be a wife!" she exclaimed, her eyes wide. "That's so crazy."_

_"It's not so crazy when all it means is you and Toby are officially together for life," Emily insisted. _

_She nodded. "I can't imagine not being with him. Who though I would go behind my parent's back and marry someone? I am so glad we didn't invite them. I can just imagine my mom asking me a hundred times if I really wanted to do it, my dad making that face where he looks constipated. I doubt Melissa would even come, she's mad enough I am getting married before her seeing as I am engaged and she's single. Toby's family probably wouldn't even come. Jenna would be crying for the wrong reasons and ugh. It's better this way," she sighed, a stupid smile on her face. "Just the people we love and who love us. Our real family."_

_Emily hugged her. "Ugh, you guys should not have asked me to do this. I am going to cry," she whispered._

_"Me too. And Toby. Toby might start before us," Spencer laughed. _

_Emily laughed with her. "Probably. We're all just going to be blubbering messes," she said. _

_Spencer nodded as Hanna walked over, Aria in tow. She noticed Caleb behind near the door, on his phone. "What's going on? Why is Caleb here?" she asked, clearly confused._

_"Spence, um," Aria started. "It's Toby."_

_Her heart stopped. "What? Is-is he okay?" she asked. "Did something happen? Where is he?"_

_"Spencer, that's just it. No one can find him," Hanna told her in a soothing voice._

_"What? He's probably just- I mean, he would never," she stopped, her eyes watering. _

_This wasn't happening. Toby wouldn't do this, or anything to hurt her. _

_"Han," Caleb walked over, his phone in his hands. "Toby just sent me this," he mumbled, showing his phone._

_Spencer snatched it. 'Stop calling. Tell Spencer I'm sorry.' _

_That was it. A simple text could end it all that easily._

_A sob escaped her throat, accompanied by a kind of dying sound she didn't know if she could make again. She looked down at her dress as the tears fell. _

_With shaking hands she tried to undo the buttons on the back. "Get this off me," she wailed, pulling at it. "Get this off of me!" she screamed and her friends were at her side in an instant, undoing the buttons. _

_She stepped out of it and toppled to the floor, curling into a ball as her body was wracked with sobs._

With a sniffle she used the ends of the sleeves of her gray sweater to wipe the tear tracks on her face.

After the 'wedding' she'd destroyed the dress in one of her fits of rage. The ring she threw across the room, then scrambled to find it more than an hour later, crying because she needed it back. She never wore it again, but it was his grandmother's engagement ring that was given to Toby after he'd met Spencer.

He told her that his grandfather knew she was the one and gave him the ring. His grandparents had been madly in love their entire lives, she'd seen the pictures, and he insisted that Toby and Spencer would have the same.

Toby's grandfather, Brighton, was like a grandfather to her too. He'd sent cards on her birthday and odd holidays like Earth Day with ten bucks tucked in between. Even after their break up he'd sent them. She wondered if Toby knew that. She was ashamed that she never realized he died when the cards stopped coming. It just slipped her mind.

The sad thing was that she wanted to talk to him right then. Toby was a hard guy to understand sometimes because of his mother, his past with Jenna, and how introverted he could be. Brighton always knew Toby's mind in a way she didn't, after all he was where Toby got his middle name. Right then she wanted to call him and ask for advice.

Tears puddled in her eyes once more. God, she wasn't going to cry about that right then too was she? Like she didn't have enough to cry about.

Finally she'd learned the truth about Toby, but like she thought it came at a price. Her heart felt like it was torn in two because not only had he betrayed her, but her own family had too. They were never even an idea in her head when she thought of reasons Toby had left. It was exactly why they were not informed of the wedding.

How could her father do this to her? He saw how broken she became, how lost in her own mind, for fuck's sake she even fell behind in school and he still didn't say one word of why Toby had left.

Being a Hastings was just too important for her to be happy.

Well fuck being a Hastings.

In a burst of rage Spencer stood from the bay windows and stepped over her friends to head for the door. It was time she paid her father a visit.

She didn't notice the time until she pulled up to her parent's house. It would be brunch for them and they both would be home because it was Sunday. They often spent Sunday's at the club, but that didn't happen until late afternoon. It was times like this she was happy her parents were predictable.

Not caring she was in a pair of sweatpants, an old shirt and a raggedy sweater with her hair mussed and greasy from the lack of shower she stormed into her the house.

They were indeed having brunch with Melissa and Wren. Just perfect.

"Spencer, dear, what-"

"One hundred grand, Dad?" Spencer cut off her mother. Peter looked at her blankly. "That is how much I'm worth to you? One hundred grand?" she pressed.

Peter stood. "Spencer, I think this would be best handled-"

"Oh, you want to handle this problem?" she broke in again. "Like you handled the Toby problem? How much are you willing to pay me to make this go away? Or are you just going to threaten to take my trust fund away again?" she questioned.

"Spencer, I don't think-"

"I DON'T CARE!" she screamed, making everyone in the room jump. "Did you know about this?" she asked her mother a moment later, tears rushing down her face. Her mom just stared at her, confused. "Did you know that I was going to marry Toby? That we were going to do it behind your backs because honestly we didn't want you there because we knew you didn't approve," she began. "Dad, of course, always the great protector, decided that my happiness was worth one hundred grand and paid Toby to leave me, threatening to not pay for law school and take my trust fund away, among numerous other things."

"Peter," Veronica gasped, looking up at her husband.

"Don't worry, Mel, they love Wren so I think you're in the clear," she assured her sister.

Veronica stood now too, reaching for Spencer. "Sweetie, don't-"

"No, Mom," she cried, shaking her head. "Don't try to make this right. He ruined my life."

"That boy would have ruined your life," Peter finally spoke up.

Spencer laughed almost manically. "No, Dad, he made my life. And you took him away from me. You threatened to take everything away from me and knowing he has the biggest heart you used it against him," she cried, unable to keep it together anymore. "I loved him so much, so much that when he left I fell apart. I got behind in school, didn't leave my bed for days, it got so bad Mom considered getting me help, did you know that?" she questioned and her father looked to her mother. "How could you do this to your own daughter? Was me marrying Toby that much trouble for you? Was my happiness so hard for you to watch?"

No one spoke and she just cried as she looked at her father who looked like he didn't have anything to say. That was a first.

"Well, he's back Dad, and he wants me back," she admitted. "He told me everything. He told me how you would take everything away from us and was so worried that I would hate him because of it he took the money and ran. And until I got here I didn't know who I was more disappointed in, him or you, but it's definitely you," she stated. "I don't know if I can forgive him, but I definitely know I can't forgive you."

"Spencer, you're upset," her mom insisted.

She nodded. "No, Mom, I'm done," she corrected her. "You thought my marrying Toby would not make me a Hastings anymore, that I would lose my drive and ambition and outlook on what I wanted for my life, but you were wrong. You make me not want to be a Hastings anymore," she confessed, ignoring her sister pulling on her hand. "I am done with you. And you can try to take my trust fund away, make me lose my job, do whatever you want. But I am a lawyer now too, so have fun taking anything else away from me. I'll be damned if I let you even attempt try to control my life anymore."

Her eyes flicked from her mom to her sister and Wren.

"I'm done with all of this. I'm never going to measure up to the Hastings you want me to be. I'll never fall in love with a doctor who went to Oxford or join some big law firm. I'm fine with just being Spencer, a small town lawyer with a few great friends. And I was perfectly happy being Spencer, wife of a construction worker too," she informed them. "But I won't be that anymore, will I? You took that away from me," she said, shaking her head at her family.

With one last big breath she turned and went back to the French doors leading to the side of the house.

"Oh, yeah, Dad," she stopped. "Toby's an architect now, but that wouldn't have fit into the Hastings mold either, would it? Fuck, oh well," she said and slammed the door behind her.

As she walked to her car her brother came running out of the barn. "Spencer!"

She stopped, but made no other movement.

"You okay, SJ?" he questioned, a hand on her shoulder.

In response she merely let out a sob.

He turned her around and brought her to his chest. "Aria called, told me what happened and that they couldn't find you this morning. I am so sorry," he murmured against her hair. "They're a bunch of assholes," he stated and she somehow laughed into the sob before crying harder. "C'mon, let's get you out of here."

The day was much less dramatic than the morning had been.

Once she was returned home her friends proceeded to feed her, insist she bathe, and tried to make sure she was generally okay. They'd even offered to stay another night, but she told them to go home. Now that the initial shock was over she assured them she would be alright on her own.

Jason stayed the latest and made her promise to call if she needed anything. She'd obliged but knew she wouldn't be calling.

This wasn't going to be like last time. She wasn't going to put her life on hold because she felt too much. It was different now. She was an adult with a grown up job and she wasn't going to let this control her again.

But she still found herself wife awake at 2am watching infomercials. Insomnia was something she'd dealt with her whole life.

When she got too stressed about school she'd stay awake and do homework or study. When she was stressed about her family she'd stay up scrutinizing herself, thinking about how Melissa was prettier, won more trophies than she had, was loved by their parents more.

During her years with Toby she'd slept much better, especially when they lived together. He looked after her, made her feel loved and important, told her when enough studying was enough and take her books away, wouldn't let her put herself down in Melissa's name. Of course she did it in return for him. She'd sooth his nightmares about Jenna, would remind him constantly that he was good enough because he never truly felt that he was, he always thought so little of himself.

When he'd proposed and asked her to join his family it was like a weight had been lifted from her chest. The pressure of being a Hastings wasn't so hard anymore because he loved her for all that she was, all her shortcomings and imperfections. And she loved him even if he would just be a construction worker or whatever else he wanted, it didn't matter to her.

How could he not have seen that? She would have loved him through her family's threats and ultimate cut off. It would have hurt, but she would have made it through because she had him and their friends. The truth was she hadn't felt like a Hastings in a long time. She'd already considered herself a Cavanaugh, but now she didn't know who she was.

This afternoon telling off her parents felt good, needed, and she didn't regret it. Forgiving her father was not an option, especially since he didn't even seem sorry.

But forgiving Toby? She didn't know how she felt about that. His intentions were at least kind of in the right spot, but it didn't make up for the fact that he'd taken money from her father to leave her.

That was something she didn't know how to go about forgiving.

* * *

**Okay so here it is. The truth is out, what do you think?**

**Up next: Spencer deals with Toby and he still has some surprises up his sleeves.**  
**Also, the memory of their first time ;)**

**Haha, review please!**

**-Kay**


	10. Chapter 10

**OMG GUYS.  
You all are awesome. I woke up to so many reviews and it made me so happy! You all are so great, I dedicate this chapter to my faithful reviewers.**

**So happy that Toby is back on PLL!  
I want more of him.**

**You all interested in hearing about the story I am thinking about posting after this?**

**Chapter 10 awaits.  
**

* * *

It still looked the same.

The sign was still only half illuminated, the paint faded, it was as though the Edgewood Motor Court stood still in time, and perhaps that was why she chose it.

It was a special place for her and Toby. It was where they first really connected, where they innocently slept together for the first time, where they had their first kiss, among other things that happened later in their relationship.

The rumble of an old engine caught her attention and she looked to find Toby pulling in to the motel parking lot to meet her.

She figured it was time they talked and she couldn't think of a better, more private place than the Motor Court. Her apartment or the loft would be too awkward, and she didn't want it to be entirely public either.

Yeah, the Motor Court was the perfect place for this.

_Was it something to worry about? That it was their third tutoring session and Toby invited her to a motel to do it?_

_Probably._

_But she still went. He had called earlier, told her not to go to his house as planned and to meet at the Motor Court instead. He said he would explain when she got there and it sounded like he was in the middle of something, so she'd just agreed. Besides, she wasn't going to cancel the session; this was her escape from Hastings hell. And he didn't seem the type to murder her in a seedy motel room, regardless of the rumors swirling around in town and school._

_When she pulled up he was waiting outside of the motel room, the door behind him half open._

_"I am so sorry," he instantly apologized as he came to open the car door for her. "My parents are out of town and Jenna and I... we aren't exactly the Brady Bunch so I just took myself out of the equation. And I didn't want to cancel on you because I know how busy you are and how you'd probably have to move a bunch of stuff around to reschedule, so-"_

_"Toby, its fine," she cut him off while he closed the door behind her and motioned her to follow him. "I actually appreciate you not canceling; I needed to get out of my house too. Don't worry about it," she assured him._

_"You're not the Brady Bunch either?" he questioned, sitting on the bed._

_Spencer shook her head and sat next to him. "No. My sister is home with her boyfriend Ian. You might remember him from school, he was two years older than us," she mumbled. "And he- well, it's um," she struggled to form the words._

_"You don't have to tell me anything, Spence, but if anyone knows fucked up family's it's me," he told her in a low, soothing tone._

_"Thanks," she whispered and forced half a smile._

_"So, French," Toby started a few moments later, handing her his latest homework failure._

_She looked down at the paper, appreciative that he didn't make her talk, but made her feel comfortable at the same time. That meant a lot to her._

_When she was assigned to tutor Toby by their French teacher she was hesitant. It wasn't about the rumors at school, she didn't listen to those. It was that he seemed guarded; he didn't talk to anyone, and didn't look like he wanted anyone to ever even look at him. But she'd accepted and it had been awkward at first, then he'd come out of his shell and she found he was really easy to talk to. Now she looked forward to tutoring him, they had fun together._

_"Remember, if I win we are going to play the next round in French," Spencer reminded him hours later._

_They'd studied... for a little bit. Then they got hungry and ordered pizza and he pulled Scrabble out of his bag and asked her to play. It was one of her favorite games so she'd quickly agreed. He admitted that he brought it in case things went well and said he liked spending time with her._

_"GLYCERALDEHYDE?" Toby read, laughing a little bit as he did.__Spencer smiled widely and calculated her points to 96 as he played his own hand. "Thanks for the G, I was waiting for it," he stated a moment later._

_Spencer looked down at his word. GOOFBALL. "I, um- well, with your-" she frowned as she calculated his score too. "104, good for you."_

_"I don't think we are going to be playing in French, but I do like this game," he confessed with a grin._

_"Right," she mumbled._

_"It's not always about winning and losing, Spence, sometimes just have fun playing the game," he told her and offered her one of his rare smiles._

_She shrugged. "That isn't how the House of Hastings plays," she replied, eyeing the board's new developments._

_"Well, that is how we are going to play," he replied, ripping the score sheet from her hands._

_"Toby!" she exclaimed, reaching for the tablet. "C'mon, I wanna see who wins," she whined. She looked him in the eye and realized how close they were and that her hand was on his thigh as she reached for the pad._

_"We're not playing in French, we both know it. Let's just play and see what words we come up with," he told her sternly. A frown appeared on her mouth. "It'll be fun, I promise, and if you don't complain we can get right back to French, okay?" he compromised._

_Spencer pulled away. "Yeah, okay," she murmured just as her phone went off._

_"You can get that," he spoke up, nodding at the device._

_She shook her head and silenced it. "No, it's just Melissa. I don't- we don't get along and I really don't want to deal," she admitted a bit more awkwardly than intended._

_"I get it. I mean, that's why I'm here," he reminded her. "But you guys probably don't get along for different reasons," he added on with a sigh. "But either way you don't have have to talk about it. We can keep playing." He stopped when her phone went off again. "It sounds like she really wants to get a hold of you though."_

_Spencer nodded and ignored it once more. "It's- she's- everyone says we're alike and I hate it," she told him. "That isn't the reason we're fighting, but- I still don't like it." She didn't know why she told him that, it just seemed to slip out._

_Toby nodded too. "I'm not like my dad and I'm proud of that. It was my mom who I was close with," he confessed._

_Spencer reached for his hand. "I'm sorry about your mom. I don't think I ever said that to you."_

_"Thank you," he responded softly. "No one really has, actually, besides my teachers. Most of the kids look at me like it was my fault or something so they avoid me."_

_"That's horrible. I never thought that. I just knew you liked to be left alone so I... left you alone," she mumbled with a shrug._

_"I do. Like to be left alone, I mean. I'm not a people person. That's why it surprised me when I actually liked you," he laughed, his smile reaching his eyes. It made them shine and his entire being seemed lighter._

_Spencer smiled too. "Thanks, I like you too," she agreed._

_This time her phone pinged in a text message. It was Melissa again._

_"Are you guys in a fight or something?" he asked and turned his hand around underneath hers to link their fingers together._

_Spencer blinked. "Kind of," she said, barely audible._

_"I don't mean to pry," he insisted. "Really. I just... understand fucked up sisters, I guess."_

_She shook her head. "No, you're fine," she assured him. "Her boyfriend, Ian," she began a moment later. "He... kissed me over the summer and I didn't want it," she finally got out, finding it hard to say the words. "One minute he is helping me with field hockey, the next he's kissing me and I pushed him away, but," she stopped again._

_"Did she find out?" Toby questioned quietly._

_She nodded. "He told her that I came on to him and we got into this huge fight at the end of summer. Now she's back visiting and making me miserable. Every time I say one wrong thing she threatens to tell our parents I tried to seduce him or something."_

_He squeezed her hand. "That's horrible, I'm sorry."_

_"It's not your fault, don't say that," she told him._

_"Well, you're welcome to stay the night if you want. You shouldn't have to spend the night in a house where you're afraid or uncomfortable. You can tell your parents you're with one of your friends," he offered. "We can play more Scrabble, even in French if it makes you feel better," he insisted and she laughed. "Order some pizza, I don't know, raid the vending machines or something."_

_"I think that sounds... fun or something," she said with a smile on her face. "Thanks."_

_Toby stood and let her hand go. "So, top or bottom?" he questioned, holding up his pajamas. Her eyes widened. "I'm just kidding, Spence," he laughed and tossed her his long-sleeved sleep shirt. "I'm gonna get changed."_

_He went into the bathroom with the folding doors, but couldn't get them quite closed and didn't seem to mind. As she reloaded her tile pieces she couldn't help but look up at him to find his shirt off and a six pack splashed across his chest._

_Her eyes widened in a whole different way. She wasn't not expecting that. He looked fit, but damn. She also noticed a tattoo she couldn't make out and quickly looked back down before he noticed her staring. It was going to be a long night, but hopefully in a good way._

"Hi," Toby greeted while shoving his hands into his pockets. It was hard to resist the urge to touch her. Keeping his hands confined seemed like the best solution.

Spencer nodded curtly in return. "I just want to let you know that I only wanted to meet you here. We're not going to go inside or anything, that isn't what I asked you here for."

"Its fine, Spence, I figured that," he said with a nod. "I'm just glad you called," he admitted.

"It's been almost two weeks, I thought we should talk," she responded. "I know you called Hanna when you left after- I just wanted to say thank you."

Toby shook his head. "Not necessary. I wish I could have done more. My plans for coming back haven't changed, Spencer, I was just trying to give you time. I need you to know that," he told her.

"Toby, I- I don't know where we stand," she started honestly, trying her best to stay calm and not get worked up. It took everything in her to not call this off. It had to be done and done now. "But I do know I am done with my family, all of them, I thought you should know that. I went to my dad the day after and confronted him. He didn't say sorry. He still thinks he is right. It wasn't me he was trying to protect, it was the Hastings name, and that is what makes it so much worse."

"And your mom? Did she know?" he asked, looking into her eyes.

"No," Spencer answered. "But she called a few days later. Said my dad was just trying to do what he thought was best. She is standing by him and I don't know if I can forgive that either," she explained. "I wasn't seventeen when they did this; I wasn't some teenager in love and trying to run away with you. We were in our twenties, we had made a life together and-" she stopped. She couldn't get worked up. She had more to say.

Toby stepped closer. "Spence-"

"Please don't," she whispered, wiping her face. "What we had was real; it wasn't just hormones, and the fact they tried to reduce it to that really hurts."

He just nodded in response with his hands in fists in his pockets.

"My whole life my parents have forced me into things, sports, clubs, extra curriculars, whatever it took to make me look good on paper," Spencer began when she managed to control herself again. "They always thought they knew what was best for me, when in most cases they never did because they didn't know me. And being with you is the best thing that ever happened to me. You made me look good in real life too, if that makes sense. You made me have fun and cut class and be spontaneous and I will be forever grateful for that."

Toby shook his head. "No, I am not letting you do this," he spoke up. His hand found its way into his hair on it's on volition as he angrily pulled at it. He couldn't let her do this, it wasn't an option.

"You don't even know what I'm going to say," she responded.

"I know it sounds like you're thanking me for just being a chapter in your life. That is not what I am, Spencer, and I am not going to let you finish me off like that," he stated.

"At least I would be giving you a goodbye!" she exclaimed, her voice cracking.

"It wasn't like that, I thought-"

"I know what you thought and it wasn't right!" she cut him off. "You of all people should have known that my parents do not know who I really am. They couldn't tell you when I stopped believing in Santa Clause, what really happened when I broke my middle finger in second grade, or what the name was of the outdoor cat I adopted without them knowing when I was eleven-"

"Simon. You named the cat Simon," Toby broke in. "Then Melissa found out and told your parents so they had him taken to the animal shelter," he explained. "You cried for a week."

Spencer nodded with tears in her eyes.

He stepped closer. "And you broke your finger in second grade by punching Noel Kahn in the nose, or at least trying to, for calling Hanna fat," he went on. "Something he won't admit to, probably even today, even if his nose does curve a little to the left." He was right in front of her now, his hands resting on her waist. "And you stopped believing in Santa Clause when you were nine because personally delivered a letter to the post office addressed to him asking for only one thing that year. You didn't let anyone read it because you were ashamed of what you wanted. And when you didn't get it you knew he wasn't real."

"Toby, don't do th-" she was full-on crying now, but Toby shook his head and cupped her face.

"The one thing you wanted was to be closer with your sister and for your parents to stop comparing you to her," he finished and brushed the tears rushing down her face. "But when you woke up and found that they had already given Melissa her surprise trip to Washington DC, one of the presents she was begging for, you knew he wasn't real. Especially when they said you should want more practical gifts like her, ones that would be beneficial to your future, even if you were only nine."

Spencer sniffled, looking him in the eye and nodded.

"I know you, Spencer, I love you, and I am not going to let you close the book on me," he murmured, brushing their noses together. "I tried that two years ago for what I thought was all the right reasons, but it wasn't."

"No, it wasn't," she agreed, grabbing onto his middle. "You weren't any better than them by thinking you knew what was best for me without asking me what I wanted."

"I underestimated you, I know that, and I never will do that again," he promised.

"You underestimated us, Toby, and that hurts more," she replied with her voice low.

He nodded. "I know and I am sorry for that," he apologized. "And I am never going to do it again, that is why I will never give up now. Whether you can admit it or accept it we still love each other as much as we did then and I am trusting in us this time. I am trusting that even though what I did was horrible and broke you that we can somehow get past it because we make each other happier than anyone else can."

"Toby," Spencer whispered and finally broke from his hold. "I came here today to tell you that I don't know where we stand because not only did you act like my parents by making decisions about me without me, you also took money from my father to do it."

"Spencer, it was never about the money," he insisted, his voice sounding pleading.

"But you still took it and you still left and it took you two years to come back," she reminded him. "I don't know how to go about handling that."

"I don't know either, but we can do it, right? We can get past it, we love each other-"

"We could have gotten past my dad's threats because we loved each other, but you didn't believe that, did you?" she countered, tears still running down her face. "So I came to give you this," she whispered, handing him the velvet box tucked into her jacket.

Toby took the ring box, not having to look inside to know what it was. His grandmother's engagement ring, Spencer's engagement ring, she was giving it back to him. "Spencer, I don't want this. I still want to make good on all those promises I made when I proposed," he croaked.

"And on that day I think I fell in love with you all over again," she admitted with a smile brightening her face. "When you made me a chicken salad sandwich and metaphorically asked me to run away with you, to leave my family and join yours," she continued while nodding. "That meant so much to me because I would finally have a family that loved me for who I was, for all that I was, and would never turn their back on me because above all that person was you. But you turned you back on me too, Toby."

"Spencer, no, I thought you would turn your back on me. I was wrong, I know that, but the one person I could never have walk away from me was you. It would have killed me. It still will and I am here now. I know it took two years but I am here and I am not going anywhere," he frantically promised once more.

She nodded and took one of his hands in both of hers, unable to watch him in pain without doing something to comfort him. Seeing him hurting was one of her greatest weaknesses. He was so kind that hurting him should have been a crime, even if it was her doing it.

"When I believe that I know it will change things for me. But right now I don't know what to believe," she whispered. "I don't know what to believe will happen in the future. I am still trying to come to terms with what happened in the past."

Toby visibly swallowed and nodded before wiggling his hand out of her grip. "I get it."

"I need more time to figure things out," Spencer repeated.

"But you still don't know if you want..." he couldn't say the words only for her to say no to him.

"I need time, Toby," she said again.

"I'm still not giving up, even if you don't want," he stated defiantly, yet still unable to say it out loud. "I told you I am going to fight for you and I am. But if you need time I will give it to you."

For some reason she smiled. "I wouldn't expect any less from you, Toby Cavanaugh."

"Good. That means you're expecting things out of me at all," he replied, one of his famous grins on his face. "I'm not going to let you down again, Spencer, I refuse to."

She shook her head and turned to get into her car. Only he could make her smile right then. There was just something about that boy and that motel.

_"Thanks for letting me stay the night," Spencer said the next afternoon as they stood out by her car._

_It had been just a little awkward getting into bed with Toby. He said he would stay on the floor, but she said it wasn't needed. She was sure they could both just sleep in a bed with nothing bad happening._

_And nothing did. Except for accidental cuddling. She woke more than once in the middle of the night, as she often did in places that weren't her home, to find herself draped over his chest with his arms around her. Then in the morning she found her being a big spoon to his little. She'd managed to untangle herself just before he woke up._

_They dressed, but she stayed in his shirt, and went to the diner across the street for breakfast before she decided it was time to face Melissa again._

_Toby nodded. "If it gets too uncomfortable at home I'm here for one more night, you can always come back," he offered._

_"I might actually take you up on that," she murmured. "I had a lot of fun. I don't know if raiding vending machines or watching blurry, shitty TV will be as fun with anyone else."_

_He grinned. "To be honest it was really fun to kick your ass at Scrabble too," he teased._

_Spencer couldn't help but smile and then blushed under his gaze. His blue eyes had an interesting effect on her. They could be so intense sometimes, like his eyes really were the window into his soul. At least, if it was true for anyone it was for him._

_A silent moment later he closed the gap between them and pressed his lips to hers. At first he was hesitant and so was she. It was brief, that first kiss, as if he didn't know if she felt the same but she quickly connected their lips again as if to let him know it was okay. This was a kiss she wanted, unlike Ian's._

_He pulled away a few moments later, but kept their foreheads touching and his arms around her._

_"I was not expecting that," she breathed, a faint smile on her lips._

_"Me neither," he agreed with a matching smile and finally pulled away._

_Their hands detached as he walked away. "Hey, it was not a complete ass-kicking by the way," she called after him defiantly. "We weren't even keeping score by the end."_

_He turned around and laughed. "Goodbye, Spencer."_

-:-:-:-

"You're hardly eating any of your pasta, are you feeling okay?" Hanna questioned a few days later.

Spencer nodded earnestly as she continued to move the noodles around on her plate. "Yeah, I'm fine," she assured her friend. "Thanks for inviting me over," she added with a smile.

"Well you've been really depressing lately, so I thought if anyone needs the best Italian food in town it was you," she replied sounding more chipper than ever.

"Thanks, Han," Spencer laughed before taking a bite of her lunch.

"Sorry, but you have been! I just thought your favorite food and some girl time-"

"Oh, thanks," Caleb spoke up from his place on the couch behind them where he was set up playing video games and eating.

Hanna rolled her eyes. "Might make you feel better."

"I'm fine, Hanna, really," Spencer insisted and forced another smile.

"Are you ready to talk about your meet up with Toby the other day?" Hanna asked, twirling her Alfredo noodles on her fork.

"You met up with Toby the other day?" Caleb broke in again, but this time his mouth was full.

Hanna turned. "Are you just going to listen to everything we say?"

"Uh, yeah," Caleb answered like it was a dumb question. "You met up with Toby? What happened?" he asked Spencer.

"Don't you two talk? You're supposed to be best friends," Hanna said before Spencer could speak.

Caleb stood and went for the kitchen. "We are, but we're not girls. We don't share everything."

"Please, have you met Toby? He's more of a girl than Spencer is," Hanna replied.

"Hey!" Spencer muttered with her bottom lip out.

Hanna laughed. "Sorry, but I recall Toby crying during _The Notebook_ and not you," she reminded her.

"Hey, if it said something flew into his eye, then something flew into his eye," Caleb called out while his head was in the fridge.

Hanna huffed this time. "Hey, this is an A and B conversation, you can C your way out of it," she stated.

Caleb went back to the couch with his drink refilled without a word. Hanna seemed satisfied.

"I'm fine since seeing Toby, by the way," Spencer finally answered. Both Hanna and Caleb turned to look at her. "It was hard, but good," she confirmed while nodding.

Caleb went back to his video games and Hanna turned to face her again.

"He's not pressuring you to make a decision, is he?" Hanna wondered.

Spencer shook her head. "No. Never. He was sweet and kind and," she stopped. "Toby. He was Toby."

"That's good though, I mean, after everything," Hanna commented.

She smiled. "I feel like no matter how upset I am with him or how hard the conversation we're having we always end up... close, you know?" she began. "One minute I'm crying about how hurt I am, the next he's holding me and I'm crying because it feels so good and I miss it so much." She bit her lip. "It's all just so hard, but when he touches me," she stopped. "It's like I don't care, but then I remember."

"It's gotta be hard, I can't resist that idiot and look at him," Hanna agreed, nodding towards Caleb. He was slurping noodles and furiously hitting buttons on his controller.

Spencer chuckled. "Yeah. Love kinda sucks," she stated sadly.

"You can do this, girl," Hanna assured her. "You're strong and determined and got a good head on your shoulders. You'll sort through all the shit and be happy with whatever you choose," she added on confidently.

"Thanks," Spencer said with a smile. "In a twisted way I can kind of understand why he left, what is really killing me is that he took that money from my dad," she mentioned a moment later. "That wasn't for my well-being that was just him being bought off."

"Yeah, that sucks," her blonde friend agreed. "It's hard to believe that Toby of all people would just take money like that. He liked living the simple life, you know," she commented.

"I guess Peter Hastings just knows everyone's price," Spencer sighed.

Caleb snorted as he walked by with his empty dish.

"What does that mean?" she demanded, turning on her friend. "That noise you just made, that wasn't coincidental, that was accidental."

Caleb turned around, surprised. "Huh?"

"We were talking about Toby taking money from my dad and you definitely made a noise that insisted I didn't know the whole story. What does that mean?" she questioned authoritatively.

"Watch out, babe, her lawyer is showing," Hanna commented from behind her.

He looked like a deer caught in headlights. "I didn't do anything, I was thinking about my game," he insisted.

She narrowed her eyes. "No, you weren't. You know something about Toby and the money he took from my dad, so tell me," she ordered.

He brushed past her on his way back to the couch. "Sorry, but it's not my business to tell."

"Well it's my business to know!" she exclaimed and went to stand in front of him.

Caleb sighed at her blocking of the TV. "Spencer-"

"It was my dad's money, my ex fiancée's choice, I deserve to know what happened when my future is hanging in the balance because of it all," she stated, her eyes honing in on his. "I need the facts, Caleb."

He let out a long breath. "He obviously doesn't want you to know if you don't already."

"This is Toby we're talking about," Spencer replied. "He could have a serious wound and not tell you if he thought it would freak you out, and then apologize for getting blood on your shirt," she insisted.

"Didn't that actually happen?" Hanna asked from the table.

They both ignored her.

"Look, Spencer, Toby did take the money from your dad," Caleb started. She nodded, urging him along. "He did use it to pay for school, but that's it. When his grandfather he died he got everything the old man had, which was a pretty nice number and the house, which he sold and got profit from," he went on.

"What are you saying, Caleb?" she questioned.

Caleb looked up at her. "When he came back he gave the money back to your dad, all of it, the whole hundred grand."

Her eyes widened. "What? When?"

"That first day you walked in on him in here. He had just left your dad's office and came here to talk to Hanna. Not about that, of course, but," he stopped there.

She ran a hand through her hair. "So you're saying he took the money, went to school with it, and then gave it all back?"

Caleb nodded. "Yeah. He said it wasn't right keeping it, that he didn't even know why he really took it in the first place. And it's not like he is hurting right now, he's got a nice job, money from his grandpa, from the house selling," he listed off. "He didn't want anything from your parents; he didn't want anything hanging over his head or whatever."

"So my dad knew he was back in town before I did? He knew he gave the money back and- fuck," Spencer couldn't help but laugh. Just another thing to kick her father out of her life for. "I have to go," she said a moment later, going to the door and grabbed her purse. "Do you know where Toby is?" she asked before she walked out of the door.

Caleb looked at the clock. "Uh, a job site I think? Try Sweeney's home office, they will know an exact address," he answered.

Spencer nodded and walked out the door. She had to find Toby. How could he not tell her he gave the money back?

It didn't change everything, but it changed a lot of things.

* * *

**Like? **

**More Spoby in the next chap, promise! LOTS of Spoby in the next.**

**Review and tell me what you think! I LOVE feedback, it helps me write more.**

**- Kay**


	11. Chapter 11

**Thanks! **

**Why can Toby never have nice things? Like gets a new sister, she rapes him...gets a girl, has to be part of the A team...comes home from London, his house gets blown up...graduates the police academy and gets in a car accident...survives accident, gf gets arrested. Poor guy. SO glad he is okay though!  
Don't know what I am going to do during this loooong hiatus!**

**New summary for next story: (rough draft)  
**Her parents cared about everything: appearances, grades, reputation, what everyone else thought, but that wasn't Spencer. Rather than live up to the Hastings name she gave it a whole new meaning because she didn't care, not really. Her friends were her real family and good grades were merely a ticket to freedom. Then she met Toby Cavanaugh and he made her feel and worse, he made her care.  
Canon pairings. No A(lison).**  
**

**Note:  
Sexual nature takes place (slightly-like hardly, but I thought I'd still warn ya) within chapter!**

**Chapter 11!  
This chap if flashback centric!**

* * *

"Hi, I'm looking for Toby Cavanaugh," Spencer practically shouted when she burst into the Rosewood Construction - J. M. Sweeney Properties office. It was a bland name, but pretty much the only construction company in town. They'd been around forever and built half the town. Toby was lucky to be working there.

The lady at the desk looked bored. "Excuse me?" she questioned as if she didn't hear anything.

"Toby Cavanaugh. He's an architect, he works here, he's on a job right now. I really need to get a hold of him," Spencer explained, trying not to sound as annoyed as she really was.

"I can call him, but-"

"I already tried that, he's not answering, his phone is off," Spencer cut in. Did this woman think she was stupid?

"I can call him on the work phone we've provided to him," the lady whose name tag read Jill informed her.

"That would be great, thank you, but I really need to see him in person so you could you tell me where he is or something?" she insisted. "I know I'm a pain, but this is important. Trust me, Toby wants to see me."

"You talkin' 'bout Cavanaugh?" a man asked as he came out from the back of the offices. He looked like a construction worker.

Spencer nodded. "Yes. Toby Cavanaugh. I really need to see him right now," she answered.

"I'm heading back out to the job site now if you really need to see him," he offered. "You can catch a ride with me if it's an emergency or something of the sort."

She nodded again. "That'd be perfect, thank you."

It was probably weird and unprofessional of her or something to accept a ride from a man she didn't know to a construction site just to see Toby. She could have asked for directions, tried the work phone like Jill said, but she needed to see him and it seemed like the fastest way. This couldn't wait and she was determined.

The man, Kenny, took her about fifteen minutes outside of town in a neighborhood-esque area that was settled in woods. There were houses, rather large houses in some cases, but they were five minutes away from each other driving. It seemed like a nice, secluded place to live. It didn't surprise her someone was building a house out there, someone with money.

Kenny pulled up in front of what could be considered Victorian-style house in the making with men surrounding the property. A bunch of them were either working machinery or inside the structure.

"Hey, Cavanaugh, I got someone that wants to see you," Kenny called loudly once he exited the truck.

Toby was surrounded by a few men, all around a table looking at papers. He turned as he spoke to one of the men and stopped, clearly shocked, as soon as he saw her.

She instantly started walking towards him. "I really need to talk to you," she stated as she reached him.

"I'm kind of busy right now, Spence, why didn't you call me?" he asked, leading her away from prying eyes and ears.

"You gave my father the money back?" she questioned, ignoring him. He took off his hard hat and sighed as he ran a hand through his hat-hair. "Why didn't you tell me? You did it the day you came back? What the hell, Toby?"

"It didn't matter," he insisted, pulling her behind a truck. "I still took the money to begin with, who cares if I gave it back?" he asked rhetorically. "Spencer, I really can't do this right now. I'm in the middle-"

"It matters, Toby!" she assured him, pushing back as he tried to get her into the truck. "I thought you promised to tell me the truth from now on?" she questioned somewhat accusingly.

"I did tell you the truth. Your dad offered me money to leave you, I took it, whether or not I gave it back does not negate the fact that I took it and it was wrong of me to do so," he stated. "Now, Spencer, I am working right now, I can have one of the guys drive you-"

"No, Toby- I mean, I know you're working but I needed to see you," Spencer cut him off, grabbing into his hand. Didn't he see the importance of this?

His face softened. "I know. I know we have to talk more now, but you asked for space, this doesn't change anything, okay?"

"I know what I wanted, but now I want to talk to you," she said, confused by his stand-offish attitude.

"Okay, we'll talk, I promise. We can do it tonight if you really think it's necessary. I only have a little bit more to do here today, so," he stopped to look at his watch.

"What are you doing right now, by the way? This isn't near the old Hickory Bridge," she mentioned, cutting off his thought processes and turned to around to look at the house. "I thought you said Sweeney hired you to draw out plans for multiple houses, you wouldn't have been done by now. I know you that takes forever because you're a perfectionist about it. You did say you had another project, but- Toby!" she exclaimed, turning on him, her eyes watering as she connected the dots.

His head dropped in defeat. "Spence, it's nothing, okay?"

"Toby, you're building our house," she whispered, a knot forming in her throat. Her hand tightened on his, but she couldn't look away from his 'side project.'

_"What're you doing?" Spencer questioned, coming up behind Toby and wrapping her arms around his shoulders before she nibbled lightly on his ear._

_He quickly rolled up the large papers. "Just sketching some stuff," he replied, turning in the swivel chair to face his new fiancé. "What are you doing home? I thought it was girl's night—which I don't understand how is any different than any other night with you four," he teased as he pulled her into his lap._

_She grinned. "Well, Ezra showed up 'coincidentally' and Aria started itching to leave the group, then Caleb and Hanna got into a text fight so it was kind of ruined. We decided to split and get lunch tomorrow or something," she explained. "Which I had no problem doing seeing as I knew you were home," she added and began kissing down his neck softly._

_Toby chuckled and his neck vibrated. "Thank God for your boy crazy- er, should I say just crazy friends," he said and she smiled._

_"Yeah, Emily doesn't swing that way," Spencer agreed in a chuckle. "You'll always be her first kiss though," she teased and ruffled his hair._

_Toby rolled his eyes. "We were seven, it didn't count," he insisted._

_"Whatever, totally counts," she went on and behind his back opened up his sketches. "Now what is this?" she questioned again._

_Toby turned in the chair causing her to lose balance for a moment. "I told you, it's nothing," he stated and tried to close the paper again._

_"This is... a beautiful house, Tobes," Spencer commented, inspecting it more closely as he taught her. "What you drawing it for?"_

_He shrugged. "Just messing around, I guess," he muttered, scratching his head awkwardly as he did. He was uncomfortable and she didn't know why._

_"I really like the turret, remember how I told you that my grandmother's house had that and it was my room when I stayed there? It was awesome as a little kid. It was such an old house there was, like, tunnels inside you could access from there. I used to spy on Melissa and listen to my parents. If you knew your way around there was even a little tunnel that led to the outside. I got out once and cried because I couldn't get back in," she recalled in a laugh._

_"Yeah, I remember," Toby mumbled with a nod._

_"I love the windows too!" she went on, inspecting the plans further. "I always wanted a big bay window. And oh, the porch is huge and I love the support beams. It makes it look so sophisticated but still modern and fun," she went on. "You are so amazing at designing houses, babe."_

_Toby cleared his throat. "Spence, it's nothing really, I was just fooling around. Let's watch a movie," he suggested._

_Spencer ignored him and then the top of the page caught her eye. In the top right corner of the paper was written 'Our home' and looked as though he traced it about a hundred times. "Toby," she whispered, turning on him. "You're... designing a house for us?"_

_He shrugged and looked away. He was embarrassed and now she knew why._

_She pulled on his chin and kissed his lips softly. "Toby, it's beautiful," she assured him quietly. "I love it."_

_He smiled a little. "I've been listening to you talk over the years, you know. What you liked about your house, what you hated, especially about your grandmother's house because I know you loved it so much. It's just something I've been playing with. It's nothing, like I said-"_

_"Toby, stop, it's wonderful," she insisted. "I love it. Please keep designing and sketching, ask me questions about stuff if you need to. Show me when you think you're done. I'm sure I'll love it when it's finished too," she assured him._

_He nodded and kissed her. "Thank you, for loving it."_

_She smiled before kissing him again. "Thank you for thinking of it."_

Toby let out a long breath. "Spencer, please don't," he stopped because she already took off towards it.

He called after her multiple times, but she ignored him. She had to see the inside even though it was hardly close to being recognizable to her. But she had to see it up close and personal.

The structure was up and the main outlines of it were built, but that was the extent. You could walk through the walls, so to speak, and there were multiple men inside doing something or another, but she ignored them and their stares.

It was their house. The home Toby had designed for them to live in, to have a family, to grow old together. He'd designed it all throughout their relationship she later found out. He'd started and restarted probably about a hundred times, but the mere fact that he was putting thought into a home for them was enough for her.

Her hope was that one day they would find a house like Toby's drawings and over time they would add on to it, change it, make it like the designs. But doing this? This was even better and it warmed her heart, made her want to cry among many other emotions.

Toby caught up to her on the second floor. "Spencer!" he sighed and put a hard had on her head. "You're not allowed in here, you don't know protocol or the rules-"

"There are rules?" she questioned with a small smile on her face.

"Unwritten rules, yes!" he answered with a serious look. "Don't look up without protective eye wear, when someone says 'duck' or 'look out' or something of the sort, don't think, just do it. Don't interrupt a man working something like a saw or drill, it could cause injuries, things like that," he informed her.

"Alright then. Now I know the rules and protocol," Spencer replied. "Can I see the house now, the turret at least?" It was her favorite part, something he knew.

Toby sighed and looked around. "Just the turret, okay? It's really not safe for you in here."

She nodded and he led her up another set of stairs to the turret. He didn't let go of her hand when they reached the top. There was no roof and if she walked to close to the edge with her luck she'd fall off. It was barely a house yet, but she could imagine it.

After she found the plans Toby was making he'd randomly ask her questions and give no further information.

One time they were eating and watching the newest episode of _Game of Thrones_ and he'd asked her how she felt about bathroom layouts. She wasn't a big fan of the shower curtain, she preferred a glass door. But she also wanted a tub, a big one, with enough room to fit the both of them comfortably. If it happened to have jets it would just be a plus.

Then there was the incident of wondering how much the kitchen would actually be used because both of them could cook but neither really loved doing it much. They were more order out people than make dinner people, although on special occasions both were known to show their culinary skills.

It became a thing she was used to and didn't question. It was just another one of their things.

"I can't believe you're doing this," she whispered before turning to look at him with tears in her eyes.

He ducked his head, still embarrassed. "Spence, look, can you wait in my truck? I can be done here in twenty minutes and then we can talk. I just can't do it here."

She nodded and wiped her eyes with her free hand.

Toby led her to the truck and took the hardhat back.

He was building their house without her knowing. And he probably didn't plan on telling her even if she decided they couldn't be together again. That was just the kind of person he was. And it was beautiful.

After all he'd been through, all they'd been through, he still had such a pure soul, a warm heart, and it made her smile.

She was so lost in her thoughts she barely noticed the time go by. It was a little more than half an hour before he returned to the truck and it looked like everyone else was leaving the site too.

"I'm sorry, that took longer than expected-" he was cut off by her lips on his.

He kissed her back and she moved her hands to grip his hair. "Take me to the loft," she whispered as she pulled away.

"Spence... are you sure about this?" he asked, his eyes boring into hers. He knew what she meant, what she wanted, it didn't need to be said.

She nodded. "Yes. Take me to the loft please," she repeated and kissed him one more time.

_He came down from the upper part of the loft to find his girlfriend attempting to put bags of groceries away without his knowledge.__How she thought he wasn't aware she did this almost every other week was funny, because he hardly went food shopping yet his cabinets were always nearly full._

_He had yet to bring it up in all the time he'd lived in the loft because it was one of their little things, but he also knew even if he told her she didn't have to do it she'd do it anyways. Spencer Hastings had a mind of her own and if there was one thing he learned about her in all their time together it was that she did anything for someone she loved. He also knew that she liked to take care of him and this was just one of the ways she thought she was doing that. And if it made her feel better it was enough for him._

_Plus she was a damn good food shopper. The woman bought the good stuff and knew exactly what he liked._

_With a shake of his head he quietly walked up behind her as she was finishing and wrapped his arms around her and nuzzled her neck._

_"Toby!" she squeaked in surprise._

_"I love you," he murmured and turned her around, not saying a word about the empty grocery bags or planning on confronting her in any way._

_She smiled and nodded, accepting his silent thank you and thankful herself he wasn't going to fight her on it. It took a long time for him to let someone take care of him in any way. "I love you too," she whispered and let him pick her up to sit on the counter._

_"You're so beautiful," he breathed before pulling her into a kiss._

_Spencer grinned into the kiss and per her usual moved her hands into his hair. She loved his hair._

_As he kissed her she wondered what changed. They had yet to have sex and it was almost the spring of her senior year. He'd had his own place for months now and they'd gotten close, especially after their first anniversary when she admitted she was ready when he was. On New Year's Eve they came the closest, they got right up to the final act before Toby pulled away and took a cold shower for almost thirty minutes._

_The shower, she learned, wasn't because he was still excited, it was because his mind was clouded with thoughts of Jenna and he wanted to feel clean. It was his process and something they had talked about even if it was hard. His 'Jenna thing' as it came to be called was something he would always carry with him and it killed her._

_His stepsister was now completely blind and the amount of pity she got made Spencer angry.__Yes, it was horrible the girl was blind, but she knew things about her no one else did, the real person she was. Everyone acted like she was a saint when she was far from it. When Toby moved out she begged him to stay, saying she couldn't live without him, that her sight was almost gone and she wanted the last thing she saw to be him._

_Jenna never made anything easy on him, he'd even felt guilt for leaving, for not loving her because that was just the kind of guy he was. What was supposed to be a little party with their friends in honor of Toby's release from 'Jenna Jail' turned into him practically crying into her shoulder because his 'sister' was in love with him and he felt nothing but hate in return._

_The fact that Toby felt bad for not feeling the same, for hating her, made Spencer's eyes water. He was so nice, so kind-hearted, soft, even after everything he'd been through._

_"Hm, what are you doing?" she questioned after a few minutes of kissing._

_"Making out with you," he replied before swooping back in._

_"Mm-mm," she said with a shake of her head. "You're kissing me different," she insisted and kept him at arm's length._

_He smiled. "How am I kissing you different?" he wondered._

_"You just are," she stated knowingly._

_Toby took in a deep breath and brought her to the edge of the counter by pulling on the back of her legs. "I love you."_

_"You've loved me for over a year now, you're kissing me different today," she pointed out._

_He pressed his lips against hers lightly. "I had a dream," he told her._

_"That all men were created equal?" Spencer joked while pulling on his now open button up that revealed his chiseled chest._

_He simply shook his head. "Where me and you made love," he admitted a small smile on his face. "And I've had dreams like that before, trust me," he went on with a slight laugh. "But this one was different."_

_"How?" Spencer asked with a tilt of her head._

_Toby looked down and shrugged. His hands squeezed her thighs lightly. "Because it was probably the first one where Jenna never made any kind of appearance to ruin it. Because when I woke up I wished you were next to me so we could do exactly what we did in my dream," he finished._

_"You can, Tobes, whenever you're ready to," she assured him with arms around his neck._

_"Now," he stated._

_"What?" she asked, her eyes wide._

_He nodded. "I want to make love to you right now," he repeated._

_Spencer just blinked, and then nodded. Toby responded by picking her up and taking her to the bedroom._

She woke to find Toby's arms around her, their fingers linked, and his breath on her neck. It tickled, but she liked it, she'd always liked it.

It had been natural, like they'd just done it yesterday, as if those two years had never happened. Why did everything feel like the two years hadn't happened until she remembered and then everything hurt?

Even right then when she was in his arms after making love multiple times it still hurt, her heart. He'd left her on their wedding day and it still hurt.

She turned in his arms and he shifted in his slumber. Her fingers outlined his face as she stared at him. It made sense to her that he left to protect her, because he was worried about everything her father was threatening, but the fact that he thought she needed money and a 'cushy' lifestyle to love him was something that still ate her up on the inside.

It may be naive to think so, but they could have been dirt poor and she'd still love him and want to be with him. How could he think that without money that would disappear, that they couldn't make it work?

After a few minutes his eyes fluttered open.

"Sorry," she whispered, blinking away tears.

"Spence," he replied just as quietly and caught her fingers in his. "Don't cry, I'm sorry," he countered.

She wasn't sure he even knew why he was apologizing, just seeing her in tears made him feel the need to take fault. "I'm not," she denied and he looked at her with a confused expression. "I'm not sorry that we made love," she clarified.

"Me neither," he responded. "But you still don't forgive me."

"I want to," she sniffled. "I want to forgive everything, move into that beautiful house, have babies, and grow old," she cried.

"Spence," Toby interrupted and pulled her closer. "It's okay, just because we made love doesn't mean you don't need more time. It just means we had a moment," he insisted.

"A few moments," she corrected in a watery laugh.

"A few great moments," he agreed.

"I'm sorry I can't-" she stopped.

He shook his head. "Don't be sorry for anything. I love you. I told you I'd wait forever and I meant it."

"Can we... one more time?" she asked quietly and looked up at him.

Toby smiled and pressed his lips against her. "We can do it until the sun comes up; I'm on your timetable Spence, not the other way around."

_"I love you so much," Toby whispered into her ear before kissing down her neck._

_Spencer pulled on his neck to bring his lips back to hers. "Love you too," she half-moaned as she felt the pleasure of him moving in and out of her._

_They'd finally done it and now it was like they couldn't stop._

_It had been uncomfortable at first, but she supposed it could have been worse had she not broken her hymen at fifteen due to a horse riding accident. He'd hated hurting her, even in the slightest, he apologized over and over until she grabbed on to his head and kissed him until they went at it again._

_It was everything she expected and more. Making love with Toby was better than words, a new drug, something she didn't know she could ever get enough of. It had only been a few hours and the need only seemed to grow stronger. She was the last virgin of her friends so she'd heard all their stories, but she hadn't heard them speak of an addiction like this._

_Her breathe was ragged and she kept her lips against his so she wouldn't scream as she came with a shake of her body. People were downstairs at the Brew, screaming wasn't exactly a luxury she had, but it would be a lot easier if she did._

_"How could I pull away from this for so long?" Toby questioned, shifting down on her body so his head rested against her chest. "It's so," he stopped and kissed her skin. "I can't stop wanting to be inside you. The feeling is- I won't even compare it, it wouldn't be right."_

_"Hm," Spencer sighed contentedly. "Neither of us have anything to compare making love to," she reminded him._

_"No we don't," he agreed and linked their hands together. "And we never will," he stated confidently._

_She smiled and kissed his forehead. "No, I don't suppose we will," she murmured. "It's a good thing too, you are just the right size for me, if you know what I mean," she added on._

_Toby grinned. "Yeah and no one is the perfect size for you except for me," he insisted._

_"Exactly, so we can never not be together and that's that," she said with a nod._

_"It's for the greater good," Toby muttered and sat up to kiss her softly._

_She nodded again. "Let's do some of that greater good again," she suggested._

_Toby smiled wide. "Yes ma'am," he replied and disappeared underneath the sheet._

"Thank you for the ride," Spencer said as she handed him the motorcycle helmet.

It was the wee hours of the morning, the sun was beginning to come up, and they'd barely gotten any sleep. There were more pressing things on their minds. When morning came Spencer forced herself out of bed and asked Toby to take her to her car outside of Sweeney's offices.

"It's nothing," Toby replied, his helmet off as well.

She'd always loved his motorcycle. Going on long rides to nowhere was one of her favorite things to do when she was stressed. It made the pressures disappear as Toby sped down the empty highways. Plus the sight of him on a motorcycle was a wonderful thing.

"I-I'll call you?" she said as a question and he nodded. "Tonight was..."

"Yeah, it was," he agreed, not needing words or just not knowing the words to use like her. "And whenever you're ready call me or come by, whatever you feel comfortable with."

Spencer looked down and shoved her hands in her pockets. "You're so understanding," she whispered. "If it was the other way around I would want answers immediately and annoy you with apologies, but you just," she stopped. "Know me, I guess."

"Maybe better than you know yourself," he said with a nod.

"Then can you tell me how to get through all this, if I can forgive you, somehow get over all of it?" she asked quietly, avoiding his eyes.

Toby sighed heavily. "No. That is something you need to figure out without my influence."

She nodded and returned his gaze. "Were you ever going to tell me about the house? If I told you I couldn't... would you have even told me about it?"

"No," he answered easily. "Building the house was never about luring you back to me, Spencer," he assured her.

"Then why are you doing it?" she asked, stepping closer to him.

He remained on his bike. "Hope," he said after a silent moment. "I needed something to keep my hope. Our house gave me that," he answered.

"Don't let go of it, okay?" Spencer pleaded quietly. "I need to know that you're okay. I'll love you no matter what happens, Toby, I said that a hundred times while we were together and I meant every word of it. But I need to know you're not falling apart while I figure out-"

"Spencer, don't worry about me," Toby interrupted. "I can take care of myself. I have my hope, I had tonight, I'm still waiting for you," he assured her. "I love that you worry about me, but don't. Take this time for yourself."

Without thinking Spencer moved forward and kissed him. "Thank you, for everything, and don't say I shouldn't say it because you know that makes me mad," she insisted softly.

"Fine. I won't. I'll just say I love you and drive away," he replied.

She nodded. "I love you too."

Spencer watched him drive away before turning back to her car.

"Spencer?"

"Andrew?" she questioned. "What are you doing here?" she asked, confused by his presence and embarrassed at her appearance. Her hair was mussed, she was wearing her jeans from yesterday and one of Toby's t-shirts, her face was bare of makeup and she knew there was at least one visible hickey from the night's passion.

Andrew looked around. "I run in the mornings and I saw you so I," he stopped and scratched his head. He saw her interaction with Toby.

"Oh! Oh, yeah, you told me you're a big runner, I forgot," she mumbled and crossed her arms over her chest. "I was just, um, saying goodbye to someone," she half-lied.

He nodded. "Yeah, I saw. I mean, I was just-" he coughed. "Sorry, I wasn't trying to, like, watch you or-"

"Its fine, we weren't exactly being secretive," she cut him off. "That was an old... friend," she mentioned awkwardly. Toby was never just a friend to her and it seemed wrong to call him that.

"Look, Spencer," Andrew stepped closer to her. "I'm not going to ask you what was going on with that guy or how you know him, that is none of my business," he began. "But I do want you to know that I like you, a lot, and I have since I met you but I never really knew how to approach you about it. You can be kind of intimidating, Hastings"

She hated being called Hastings now. "Andrew, I-"

"Just let me say this, okay?" he cut her off and she nodded. "I want you to know that I am an option for you," he stated. "We're lawyers, we're good at reading people, so I know that there is definitely something between you and that guy, but I also know it's complicated in a bad way," he went on. "But I'm not going to pressure you into anything when there is obviously still something going on with you. I also want you to know that I would never hurt you, I already care about you a lot, so I can promise you that."

Spencer looked down and nodded. "Thank you for being honest and open with me," she murmured and looked up at him. "That means a lot to me, honesty. And you are right, things are complicated with Toby and there is a long past there. I'm sorry but I don't know what to tell you because I do think I could like you if I had the time to get to know you better." She let out a long breath. "So I think I will just tell you what I told him which is I need time to sort through everything and now I have even more to sort through."

Andrew nodded. "That's fair. I don't want to push or pressure you, but I did want you to know where I stand."

"I know and I appreciate it," she said again. "But I have to get home. I need some sleep. I don't need to be in the office until the afternoon," she mentioned.

After another moment Spencer got into her car and watched Andrew get back to his running.

She let out another long sigh. Now she had even more to think about which was just what she needed.

Not.

* * *

**Here it is! Sorry it took so long I just moved back into college and it's my senior year and it was a busy first week.**

**What do you think? Leave it in a review!**

**Thanks so much,**

**- Kay**


	12. Chapter 12

**As always you guys are wonderful! I love waking up to reviews and reading your reactions, it makes my day so much better!  
Don't worry, I don't like Andrew either, so don't worry too much!**

**There is a time jump in this chapter and there is reason for that, so just be ready for it.  
The end scene(s) in this chapter is actually where I got the whole idea for the story so enjoy!**

**Chapter 12 everyone :)**

* * *

"Do you ever just..." she started softly. "Just want to..."

"Gotta help us out here, girl," Hanna urged and took a sip from her solo cup.

Spencer stayed quiet as she looked up at the stars, lost in her own thoughts. "I don't know," she finally whispered from her spot in the grass.

"She's getting weirder with age," Aria stated making the other girls laugh.

She rolled her eyes and smiled slightly.

It was just a few weeks or so before the summer months were to end and with that being so it was time for the annual Rosewood Community Days. Meaning vendors came to town and set up shop, selling food and jewelry and odd clothing among other things. A little amusement park was erected in the park and there were bonfires every night for the weekend.

The bonfires were more for the adults because a live band was playing and that was when alcohol began to be served as the little ones went home, tired from the day. Every Community Day weekend those who moved out of town would return and that was when class reunions and other things of the like were held. It also meant every person you hated from high school that moved out of town came back to see who was doing better in life.

For Spencer it meant ducking every time she saw a family member, including Mr. Bursa Sac, AKA her soon to be brother-in-law. But it always nice for the four girls to spend an entire weekend together, usually consisting of making fun of those in town and a few bonding sessions.

"She needs more wine," Hanna announced, reaching for Spencer's cup.

"Leave her alone, she's going through stuff right now. She's allowed to be more weird than usual," Emily spoke up. She had been not-so-secretly eyeing up her old girlfriend Paige. They had all gone to high school together but Emily and Paige didn't date until college and it lasted quite some time.

"Thanks," Spencer mumbled and took a sip of the wine Hanna handed her. "Where's Caleb?" she wondered after a moment.

The blonde shrugged and waved her hand off behind her. "With some of the guys. There is some 'water pong' tournament going on and I don't know, they're trying to relive the college years somewhere on the other side of the park," she explained. "I told him to drink a lot of water or something."

All the girls laughed into the cups.

"What about you two, any prospects?" Hanna questioned, wiggling her eyebrows at the other two brunettes. "Well, I guess Aria can just answer because Emily has been trying to make googly eyes at Paige all night."

"What!?" Emily exclaimed with a frown.

"Uh, I'm kind of starting something, but I'm keeping it to myself until I'm sure of what it is," Aria answered with a shrug.

"I LOVE secrets." Hanna insisted.

Aria grinned. "You love spilling secrets, there is a difference," she stated.

"I have not been making googly eyes!" Emily piped in.

"I'm laying down here and you so are," Spencer spoke up with her eyes on the dark sky. Emily shook her head disapprovingly. "I have no new boy information, but I did see my mom today at the courthouse," she added on absentmindedly.

"What happened?" Aria asked.

She attempted to shrug. "Said she missed me at Sunday dinners, went on about Melissa's wedding, tried to act like I'm in the wrong," she listed off. "I told her I'm talking to Melissa and Jason, of course. Until Melissa royally pisses me off, which is bound to happen I'm about as fine with her as before. My mom agrees with my dad, I know she does, and has made no attempt to admit fault or anything and until they do, if they ever do, I'm fine with how things are."

"If you're sure about that then I'm proud of you. If not it's fine to admit you love and miss them, but you need to do this," Emily told her.

"I'm fine with it," Spencer assured her. "It's oddly nice, not having to go over there every Sunday night, not having to worry about a disappointing phone call, you know? I don't have to hear about how amazing Melissa is all the time or deal with constant judgment," she mentioned. "I have you guys, I have Jason, I kind of have Melissa, like if I was dying she'd come to the hospital, and I'm fine with that."

"You should get a cat," Hanna commented. The girls laughed. "Or a dog. It'd be good for you," she explained.

Spencer laughed a little more. "I'll think about it," she mumbled.

"No new boy information still? Nothing at all?" Aria wondered hesitantly.

"Not particularly. Andrew stares at me and asks me to lunch. I say no. Toby's been keeping his distance as asked and promised. We've texted but I usually initiate it. I'm just on overload and trying to deal," Spencer replied.

Hanna nodded. "So what you're saying is that Toby is doing everything you've asked and being a gentleman about it while Andrew is trying to subtly push you?" she questioned.

Spencer groaned and covered her face with her hands.

"Since when are you on the Toby bandwagon, Han?" Emily questioned.

"I'm still pissed at him for everything, but he's trying, and let's be honest does anyone really have a chance next to him?" she asked rhetorically.

"That's not fair. You can have the one love you'll always love, but find someone else. Look at me and Ezra," Aria countered.

Hanna rolled her eyes. "He had a kid and moved across the country to be with him. It's different. Toby is here and available and sorry and building her a frickin' dream house. What does Andrew have, a seat in the carpool?"

"It's not like that. There are just something's you can't forgive, but that is for Spencer to decide, not us," Aria continued.

"Since when do you not believe in true love and romance and blah, blah, blah," Hanna wondered in return.

"I've lost that love, okay? I know it sucks and kills you inside, but I also know that sometimes you can find someone new who can make you happy. I don't know if Andrew is that person or someone else, but that is an option," Aria insisted.

Spencer sat up. "I'm going to take a walk," she announced.

"No, wait, Spencer, they're sorry for being outspoken and nosy, aren't they?" Emily said while looking at the two other girls harshly.

"Yeah, we didn't mean-"

Spencer shook her head. "No, its fine, I just need to get away for a few minutes. Don't worry, I'm not mad," she assured them and went on her way.

She wasn't mad, both of her friends had opinions she valued and good points, but it was only confusing her more. It was like she needed a sign, or to know the future, something that might help her with this decision. It was a big decision that would change her life. Making the wrong decision petrified her.

Toby...Toby would love her until the end of time, there was no doubt about that. He was building their dream home. He was here and fighting for her, said he would wait forever for her and that meant the world to her, but could she forgive him? Could she choose him and not question every day if he was going to leave her or hurt her in some way? If she chose him would she be freaking out if he was late for dinner, thinking he left her again? She couldn't live like that.

And Andrew... they had so much in common, but sometimes she thought it was too much in common. She didn't want to date herself, but she also didn't truly know him. He was cute and an okay kisser and there was potential there. He was open and honest with her in a way it took Toby months or even years to be.

Honesty meant so much to her and she understood why it took Toby so long to reach that place with her. She would never blame him for taking so long or be resentful because of it. But it was also nice to have someone already there, someone who had a clean slate, and already promised not to hurt her. Andrew had yet to lie to her so until he did she had no real reason to doubt him.

But if she chose him would it be anything like being with Toby? Probably not and that was what worried her the most. If it was anything less than Toby she didn't know if she could truly be happy. That was what scared her. And she didn't have to stay with Andrew even if she did choose him, it wasn't like a marriage proposal, but it was still hard.

Without even noticing she was slumped by a tree and had her head in her hands.

"Spencer," she heard and looked up. "You okay? You've been sitting there for a few minutes. I didn't know if I should come over or," he shrugged.

She nodded and ran a hand through my hair. "How do you make big decisions? How do you decide to go one way or another in life?"

Toby stepped closer and set a hand next to her head on the three. "You know I can't help you with this. I don't want to persuade anything..." he murmured.

"How did you decide to come back, to build the house, to not just stay in New York?" she wondered, pulling on his open red hoodie.

He sighed. "Spencer this is about you and your decisions, not mine," he reminded her.

"Toby, please," she whispered. "Help me."

He nodded and pulled her further into the wood lining so they were secluded from everything. "Look, Spence," he began while shrugging his hoodie off and throwing it around her shoulders.

She hadn't even noticed she was shivering in her flowy white shirt, pencil leg jeans, and black flats. She had been close to the fire before.

"I came back because I love you," he admitted, a hand cupping her cheek. "Because I regretted leaving you the minute your father shook my hand. I was just so disgusted in myself that I never turned back. It wasn't until I could make things right and my grandfather was gone that I decided to come back."

"It's too hard," she told him, shaking her head with tears in her eyes. "I don't know what to do."

"Yes, you do," he insisted, pushing hair behind her ear. "You do know what to do, it's in your heart and when you're ready to realize it you'll know what to do," he whispered.

She wiped her nose. "I've been stuck in once place for almost three years now. Hanna and Caleb are going to get engaged soon," she began. "Have you seen his face? He's either going to propose soon or he really has to shit."

Toby laughed loudly with a nod. "Yeah, he's planning right now," he confirmed.

"I'm pretty sure that Jason and Aria are dating, but keeping it from me because they think it will upset me. Not because it's my brother and best friend, but because I am so mixed up with you. Emily is making googly eyes at Paige and my sister is getting married," she went on. "Everyone is moving forward and I'm stuck. I am so sick of being stuck. Even you are starting this amazing new job and building a home you've been designing for years and-"

"Hey, hey," he cut her off, taking her into her arms. "Don't judge our lives by yours. You graduated law school and have an amazing job, your own place, you're fine," he assured her.

"I want more," she murmured, looking into his eyes. "But I can't decide what. How did you decide to come back?" she asked again.

Toby looked into her eyes as their foreheads rested on one another. "My grandfather made me promise to follow my heart and not my fears after he was gone," he confessed. "That's why he made me sell the house. He knew I loved that place, he practically built it, but he made me sell it. He wanted me to make things right with you so he made it possible for me." Spencer held on to his hips and tried not to cry anymore at the memory of Toby's grandpa. "I couldn't let you, my grandpa, and my mom down at the same time. So if I could make right on one, then I could do so with the other two."

She nodded and moved to rest her whole body against his. "You're not letting him down. You're here, you're perfect, so you're doing your mom proud too. Don't think differently," she whispered against his dark blue t-shirt.

He rested his chin on the top of her head, keeping her tucked in his arms. "Thank you for saying that."

"How's everything with the house and, I don't know, life?' she asked, not moving from his arms. They'd barely spoken in two weeks.

"Spence, I'm not talking to you about the house," he insisted. "But life is fine. I'm just working and hanging out with Caleb and the guys. I saw my dad in town," he listed off.

"How'd that go?" she questioned quietly.

Toby let out a long breath. "About as well as assumed. He asked about the sale, my truck, anything to avoid asking me over because it would cause problems with my stepmom," he explained.

Jenna's mom noticed the tension between the two after her daughter went blind and put two and two together, but always assumed it was at Toby's hand even though she never expressed it. It was right around when Toby moved out so there were never any big blowouts.

Spencer's phone buzzed in her pocket. They both pulled away from the embrace. "That's probably Emily."

"I should get back to Caleb, I'm his water pong partner for the next round," Toby remembered.

"Why do you guys use water?" Spencer asked as they made their way out of the trees.

"Would you want to drink a beer that a gross ping pong landed in after hitting the ground and passing through nasty hands?" he questioned in return.

"Touché," she replied.

"But it's fun to play, so we drink our beers and play with water and still get steadily drunk as we do it," he finished.

She nodded. "Thanks for talking with me Toby," she murmured.

"I'm always here for you Spence, I never had to be your boyfriend to be there for you," he stated. "If you need me just call, I'm here day or night for you just like I know you are for me."

"Thank you," she said and kissed him on the cheek. "Win some water pong," she urged and he laughed as he walked away.

She felt better as she walked towards her friends. Toby always made things better and she did her best to make things better for him too. He was right if he needed her for something big or important she'd be there, even now, like she had always been, even if it was small.

_"Stop looking at me like that," her boyfriend ordered as they made their way through the pop-up amusement park that was Rosewood Community Days. Spencer's frown only intensified. "Spence," he whined now, his head dropping. "I hate when you do that."_

_She pulled him to a stop. "I want the monkey, boyfriend," she stated. "Show off them muscles and get me the Aria-sized monkey!" she pleaded._

_Toby groaned and changed their direction to make their way to the Strong-Man game. The one where the guy slams the over-sized mallet down and if it hits the top you get to pick one of the huge stuffed animals. Spencer saw the monkey when they first arrived and brought it up ever since. She knew Toby could do it but was shy about his muscles and strength._

_"If I do this you'll stop complaining?" he asked, now waiting in line._

_She nodded. "Yes, sir."_

_"Even about you starting school in three weeks and me not being there?" he added an arm around her shoulders now._

_With a frown she nodded again. "I promise."_

_Her senior year was quickly approaching and the thought of going back to Rosewood High without Toby was just a bit heartbreaking. He was the best part of her day and having the endure one more year of high school without him was depressing. Now who would she make out with in the halls and lean on in the morning when she was tired or have get the other meal offered so they could pick at each other's plates? Nobody that was who._

_"You think you're a Strong-Man, fella?" the operator questioned when they reached the front after the three guys in front of them only managed to get near the top._

_"I'm hoping," Toby replied, walking up to the game and taking the mallet out of his hands._

_"Remember if I get the monkey I'll stop complaining!" she teased, making him laugh along with the operator._

_"You better hit it then, son, not many young ladies' make an offer like that," he joked and sent a friendly wink Spencer's way. "I'll have you know we only got two winners so far today, but if you get past the midway point you get a stuffed animal regardless and depending on how far above that the animals get bigger," he explained quickly._

_Toby nodded and shook his arms before grabbing onto the mallet again._

_"You can do it babe!" Spencer encouraged as he lifted it over his head and slammed it down.__Spencer's eyes widened as the pointer shot up to the top with a loud ding. "Toby!" she gasped before catapulting into his arms._

_He caught her easily and laughed into her ear. "I think I pulled something," he mumbled, making her laugh too._

_"I doubt it, you're like The Hulk," she insisted._

_"That was quite a swing there, fella," the instructor said and led them to the stuffed animals. "Guess that makes you number three."_

_Toby smiled down at Spencer who was eyeing up the, as she put it, 'Aria-sized' monkey. "The monkey please," he said as his girlfriend jumped up and down excitedly. The monkey was half her size but the grin on her face was worth the muscle pulled in his back._

_It was important to him to win it for her. He knew as soon as she saw it and asked for it she'd end up with it one way or another, even if it meant sneaking away and buying it rather than winning it. Things were heating up for her at home with it being her senior year. Her parents were pushing for her to volunteer and get more extra-curriculars for her college application and get early admittance and were getting on her about him. It was no secret that he was not their number one choice for their daughter. He wasn't even top ten. So anything to make her smile was something he planned on doing._

_"Thank you so much," she said with a smile plastered on her face. "I think I'll name him Spoby."_

_"Spoby?" he laughed, letting the monkey rest between them._

_She nodded. "I'm not going to be able to sleep over as much now that school is starting. I need something to hold on to and I can't name it Toby, that would be too weird," she answered._

_"I'll sneak in sometimes, for old time's sake," he promised, rubbing his nose against hers._

_"Good," she whispered and kissed him softly._

_"You won too, Cavanaugh?" they heard and broke apart._

_They turned to find Noel Kahn leading Toby's stepsister towards them, a huge teddy bear hanging off her free arm._

_Spencer felt her boyfriend freeze upon seeing Jenna and quickly stood in front of him, their hands linked behind her, the monkey in the middle._

_"Toby?" Jenna questioned, attempting to move forward and she heard Toby suck in a deep breath._

_"Jenna," Spencer greeted stiffly. "Nice teddy bear," she complimented._

_"The thing must be rigged, but hey, I guess we both got our girls something, huh Cavanaugh?" Noel spoke up._

_Spence glared at the bully. "Yeah, how much did yours cost you?" she responded, squeezing her boyfriend's hands._

_"Very funny, Hastings, there is the wit you're known for," Noel replied with dry laughter._

_"We should get going, Spence," Toby finally spoke up from behind her._

_"Toby?" Jenna stepped forward, but Noel's arm stopped her since he wasn't moving. "It's nice to hear your voice, we haven't spoken since you moved out," she said, a smile overcoming her face._

_"Yeah, we gotta go," Toby insisted, grabbing the monkey buy its head._

_"Aw, c'mon Cavanaugh, is that any way to greet your sister?" Noel questioned a knowing smirk on his face._

_Spencer wanted to punch him right in the nose. Again.__"Stepsister," she corrected. "And they're not the Brady Bunch, so yeah. Bye guys see you in school," she added on, leading Toby away towards the tree lining. "You okay?"_

_Toby nodded after a long moment. "Yeah, I'm fine. I used to see her every day, eat dinner with her every night, this wasn't so bad. I just liked... not seeing her, you know?" he answered and nodded for her to hug him like he knew she was itching to do. "Thank you though, for getting me away."_

_"I'm always here for you Toby," she whispered and kissed his chin dimple. "But one day I really would like to steal her stick and hide it," she admitted._

_Toby let out a loud laugh. "I don't think that would be appropriate, she is practically blind now," he insisted._

_"Practically. I wouldn't hide it well," she assured him, taking her monkey into her arms and they began walking towards the Ferris wheel where they promised to meet their friends after some couple time._

_"That might be fair."_

"Hastings!"

Spencer smiled and looked up at Andrew. He walked over with a cup in his hands. "Hey," she greeted with a small hug. "Having fun?"

He nodded. "Yeah, the band was pretty good, but I can't dance worth shit, so that was embarrassing," he admitted.

She laughed. "Hey, you got in there and tried, that's what matters," she insisted.

"You say that how but you didn't see me dance," he reminded her, making her laugh again. "Are you having fun?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I'm hanging out with some girlfriends and drinking a little," she answered. "I just went for a quick walk, but I'm heading back soon."

"Soon, eh? Does that mean I get a little time with you?" he wondered, a hopeful smile on his face.

Spencer looked back in the direction Toby went in. She knew Toby, she knew most of his friends, but she didn't know Andrew. Maybe knowing Andrew better could help with this decision.

"Yeah, sure, just let me text my friends."

An hour later Spencer was sitting on a cooler laughing at a story one of Andrew's friends were telling her. She found that Andrew was really different out of the workplace and not on a semi-awkward first date. He was funny and smart and interesting.

"That did not happen, don't listen to her," Andrew insisted from the cooler next to her.

"Whatever, Skidmark," Spencer responded into her cup and everyone laughed. Andrew's sister had just finished telling a story about the camp they went to as kids.

"Why is it that whenever you meet someone new all your friends have to tell every embarrassing story about you?" he asked rhetorically.

"I'm just glad my friends aren't here because that could end badly," Spencer told him, patting his leg. "Don't worry; you're not alone in the embarrassing story boat."

He grabbed her hand and held it. Spencer let him and tried not to feel awkward. Andrew was growing on her.

"Andrew says you're parents are lawyers too?" one of his friends asked, finally bringing the attention off of Andrew's past funnies.

Spencer nodded. "Uh, yeah. We're not close though and I want to make my own way so I try not to tell everyone that I am part of 'The Hastings,'" she answered. "But, um, my mom is a defense lawyer while my dad spends most of his time in litigation; he's kind of notorious for it."

"I pray I will never go against her parents, they are scary," Andrew attempted to lighten the subject and everyone laughed. He squeezed her hand and winked.

"Try eating dinner with them. They never really turn the lawyer off," she joked in response, smiling back at him. "I should get heading back to my friends," she said as she stood and Andrew did as well, their hands still linked.

"I'll walk with you," he volunteered and with a few goodbyes they walked away.

"Your friends are great," Spencer said softly. "They'd get along with mine, whether that is good or bad who knows," she added on with a laugh.

They came to a stop after a few yards. "Probably a good thing. I think you're a good judge of character," he insisted.

"You sure about that? We are lawyers," she reminded him and they both laughed.

"You're not like your parents, I know that," he replied. "And I have seen them in action, so there is that."

She nodded. "Yeah. We are kind of on the outs right now," she admitted.

"Their loss, you're great at everything you do," Andrew assured her.

"Thank you, I try," she whispered as he began to lean in closer to her.

She knew it was going to happen. He was going to kiss her. She did have a good time with him tonight. Holding his hand felt nice. His friends were funny and welcoming. So when he leaned in to kiss her, their first time both being sober, she had an open mind and even leaned in too.

Their lips moved together and Andrew pulled her close.

It was nice. His lips were soft and he smelled good. His hands held onto her waist and it was nice.

They pulled away and Andrew smiled. "That was..."

"Nice," she filled in and he nodded. "But I really should get back to my friends. I'm sorry," she murmured and he smiled before kissing her one more time.

"No problem. I'll see you at work?" he questioned and she nodded before walking away.

The trees rustled around her and multiple fires were hissing and snapping as she passed. A whiff of Toby caught her attention and she turned, half-hoping to see him, but also not at the same time because that meant he could have seen her kiss. She didn't want to hurt him like that.

But nothing was there and she smelt it again.

Suddenly she looked down and remembered the red hoodie. Toby's hoodie. It was still wrapped around her, keeping her warm. She brought her hands up to smell the coffee, saw dust and cologne. She loved his mere smell.

Her feet began to move again, continuing her way towards her friends spot in the park.

She came upon them to find that the circle had grown. Her brother, Paige, Caleb, and Toby were now surrounding the pit too.

"Hey, did you have fun?" Hanna questioned from in between Caleb's legs.

"I know what I want," Spencer stated.

"What?" Emily asked, sitting up and Toby did too. Everyone did.

"I know what I want now. Who I want," she said again and knew this was the right decision, even if she had no idea how she had come to it.

-:-:-:-:- 6 weeks later -:-:-:-:-

"Could you please get them to me by five? I know it's a pain..." she trailed off, already looking down at the other documents in her hands. "I mean, it's almost past four-thirty now."

"No problem, Spencer," Caroline responded with a wave.

"I feel bad asking you to rush this; I just got held up in court this afternoon. A witness was a no show and now I am in deep so," she stopped to sigh. "I'm sorry again," she said with a smile.

"Spencer, please, you're the least annoying person here," Caroline assured her and took the paper from Spencer's hand.

"Thank you so much, Care, there is a wonderful Christmas basket in your future," she insisted as she walked out the door, a smile on her face.

Spencer made her way down the hall, her heels click-clacking on the ground, echoing around her. Today was supposed to be easy. Court in the morning, a case she was winning, then the witness didn't show up so she had to get a continuance and track her down. Then there was more paperwork and the dinner tonight she had to attend for work. Now she was running late.

She was walking down the empty hallway when a hand shot out and pulled her into the family bathroom.

"What the-" she stopped when lips were on hers. She smiled and wrapped her arms his neck and dropped her documents in the process. "What are you doing?" she questioned and locked eyes with him.

"Kissing you," he answered. "Did I surprise you?"

"Yes, but this is work, you know," she reminded him.

"I'm working," he insisted and lifted her up onto the sink. "Now let me do my job," he murmured before kissing her again.

Spencer readily kissed him back, opening her legs as wide as her skirt would allow and untucked his shirt to feel underneath. "We- we have that dinner tonight and I have to finish my paperwork, I mean-"

He kissed down her neck and enjoyed her open neckline. "We'll be fine," he whispered against her skin before his hand slipped under the skirt.

"I- we can't," she rasped as his thumb before to massage her through her underwear.

"Sh, it won't take long," he promised before kissing her on the lips.

He was right. It didn't. It was like he knew she was having a stressful day. Well, he did know, she had told him, but this was his way of making it better and damn did it make it better.

"Fu-!" she almost squealed, but his lips covered her so she couldn't shout.

She was heaving when he was done and he smiled to himself. He was good.

"So, you ready to suffer through this dinner now?" he questioned.

Spencer smiled and cleared her throat. "Maybe if you do that while everyone is giving speeches," she only half-joked. It didn't sound horrible though.

"Whatever you say," he agreed with another kiss and put her back on her feet. "Mrs. Cavanaugh."

* * *

**OKAY FINALLY.**

**Whew. I don't like this chapter all that much but more will be explained in the next chapter, promise!**  
**Like Spencer's reasoning, the last words, etc.**

**Review how amazed you are by the ending!**

**- Kay**


	13. Chapter 13

**Thank you SO much for all the reviews. You guys make my day. Really, thank you so much.**

**New summary for next story: (rough draft)  
**Her parents cared about everything: appearances, grades, reputation, what everyone else thought, but that wasn't Spencer. Rather than live up to the Hastings name she gave it a whole new meaning because she didn't care, not really. Her friends were what mattered and good grades were merely a ticket to freedom. Then she met Toby Cavanaugh and he made her feel and worse, he made her care.  
Canon pairings. No A(lison).  
**LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK OF THIS. PLEASE.**

**Here is chapter 13.  
VERY FLASHBACK ORIENTED CHAPTER.  
I think I will be finishing this chapter up at 15.**

* * *

The blare of the alarm jolted him awake.

His hand shot out and slapped it off as he rolled onto his back.

He really needed to remember to fix that damn alarm clock. He could have done it then if his wife wasn't sleeping on his free arm so he had absolutely no feeling in it whatsoever. But he'd rather let her sleep a little longer than to fix the problem for his own comfort.

It was an unwritten rule for them.

The alarm clock would wake him up, then he would wake her up. She was a heavy sleeper so all her alarms were set to a deafening level, but he was more of a light one so they could be turned down knowing he would wake. However since moving into her apartment there were something's that hadn't been changed just yet.

So every morning the alarm still blared, rudely awaking him from the few hours of sleep he managed to get. Every morning when it went off he cursed it, then later would have the enjoyment of watching his wife sleep peacefully for a few minutes.

They spent most of the night making love, as they did most nights which caused her to nap after work. Most days he came home to find her sprawled out on the couch, snoring just a little bit. He'd watch her do that too before he began to make dinner or something else of the sort.

The sight of her sleeping made him smile every time for some reason. He knew she had constant bouts of insomnia due to work, family, just general anxiety, but almost never when he was in bed with her. It was something he loved knowing he could do for her—give her enough peace to sleep. Or tired her out through other activities which he loved doing too.

He still couldn't believe he was married to her. It was every dream come true.

He did it. He got her back.

She trusted him. She forgave him. She married him. He'd never felt so happy in his life. Everything was perfect and if he had any say it would stay that way. After all, he still had a house to surprise her with.

But the biggest surprise of all was when she announced what she wanted, who she wanted, and it was one of the best moments of his life.

_"I know what I want now. Who I want."_

_Everyone just stared at her, confused and waiting for her to tell them what it was. They all knew what she was referring to._

_Without a word she strode over to Toby, dropped to her knees, and took his head in her hands before kissing him._

_He was confused, she could tell, but he kissed her back and wrapped his arms her waist._

_They pulled away and there were tears in Spencer's eyes. "Please tell me that wasn't a goodbye kiss," he whispered._

_She shook her head. "No. I love you. I want to be with you," she told him, sniffling as she did._

_"A-are you sure?" he stuttered, his hands on her hips as they stared at one another._

_She nodded. "Yes, I want you. Forever. I want us again," she murmured. "I can forgive you and trust you again, I know it. I don't know how I know, but I know I can," she added on._

_Toby rested his forehead on hers. "I love you so much," he breathed, a smile on his face. A real, true smile, the kind she hadn't seen in almost three years._

_"I love you too," she cried as he wiped the tears off her cheeks._

Minutes ticked by and he decided it was time. He used his free hand to remove the hair from her neck and began to nuzzle and kiss it.

"Spence, baby," he said softly in between kisses.

"Hmm," she moaned as she always did. "Not yet baby," she pleaded quietly.

"You have to get up, c'mon," he continued in their morning routine. His free hand slipped under the covers to snake around her waist and shake her gently. Her eyes began to slowly close. "Hey! It's supposed to wake you up, not lull you back to sleep!"

"Sh, so much cuter when quiet," she whispered.

"Hey!" he laughed and began to tickle her.

She shrieked and sat up. "Tobias Brighton Cavanaugh!" she gasped. "I believe our wedding vows went love, cherish, and NEVER wake me up by tickling!" she insisted, trying to keep a straight face.

He went to sit up but his arm fell limp. "Actually, Spencer Jo Cavanaugh, it went love, cherish, sometimes wake by tickling, and don't cut off circulation to your loving husband's arm," he corrected her.

"Did it? Did it really?" she questioned and started to poke at his arm which was now in the pins and needles stage of waking up.

"Hey, hey, hey!" he smacked her hands away with his free one. "Love, cherish, do not poke me at times like this," he said as he fought her off.

"That's what you get for waking via tickling," she stated, proud of herself. He continued to frown at his still arm. "Aw, poor baby," she cooed, running a hand through his hair.

Toby leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. She smiled and wound her arms around his neck as she began to kiss him back. "Morning," he whispered against her lips.

"Good morning, husband," she replied just as softly. "How'd you sleep?" she questioned.

He kissed her again. "Great. In the... what, three hours we got?" he added on, chuckling as he did.

"Are we getting a new bed in the new house?" she asked excitedly.

"If you want," he responded before giving her a kiss. "We can get anything you want," he insisted.

"When can we start looking at stuff? Like kitchen and bathroom tiles, carpeting, paint samples and furniture?" she asked, pulling the sheet up over her exposed chest. "You know the stuff I understand."

He smiled. "Soon. Don't you want to see the house done before you pick out things you want inside it?" he questioned.

"All that really matters is that we're inside it," she told him honestly. "How is the house coming along, Mr. Boss-Man?" she wondered.

"Great," he answered as he began to pull at the sheet, removing it from her upper body. "And I'm not really the boss, I am the architect," he corrected her.

"You are too the boss," she insisted when he went to kiss down her neck. Her hands found themselves in his hair. "You designed it, it's your project, your house," she stopped and laid back down.

"Our house," he murmured against her bare skin. "And how about I bring you an official layout of it and you can start picking out tiles and carpeting and colors and so once we got to that stage we can move right into it. That way we can move in ASAP."

"Great plan," she agreed in a whisper.

The second alarm she usually set for herself went off and both of them jumped. Toby removed himself from her body and turned it off. "I have go to turn that down," he sighed, leaning on his side. "You ready to get up?" he asked, playing with the ends of her hair that were resting against her porcelain skin.

"If we have to," she said sadly. "Wanna shower with me, hubs?" she questioned. "Then we can make breakfast together and-" he cut her off with his lips.

"Yes, ma'am."

-:-:-

It was hard to get through the day since she chose Toby.

Every day seemed so long because she just wanted to get home to him, spend time with him, cuddle him, touch him, ugh, just look at him. It had to do with the newlywed honeymoon stage she'd been told.

Not a minute went by that she regretted her decision. It was perfect, he was perfect. Picking him was absolutely the right thing.

The only thing that was hard about this was Andrew.

Since her decision he had barely said two words to her. In the beginning she understood. He did have serious feelings for her and she didn't pick him. But they didn't sleep together or have a real relationship, they barely even dated. It'd been almost two months; shouldn't he be over it by now? She also couldn't judge when he should be over it. She did hold on to Toby for two years, but that was a completely different situation.

It took a day or two but she finally realized why she chose Toby, why it was so easy, why it was so sudden.

Of course after she did pick Toby it took a day or two before they could stop touching each other until she had time to think about it. And then it came to her. The reason. And it was such a simple one, but it made so much sense to her.

"Didn't get lunch with the hubs?" Caroline questioned as she made her rounds around the office delivering papers and other documents.

"Hm?" Spencer questioned, looking up from the computer screen.

"That's a no," she laughed and handed her a folder full of documents. "Usually when you get lunch with Toby it's a midday pick-me-up for ya."

Spencer smiled. "Yeah, no. He was busy at the job site so I just ate some food at my desk. We had a big breakfast, I really just wanted to see him is all," she admitted.

"I remember those days. Now leaving for work sometimes is a nice break," Caroline reminisced. "But that happens, I guess."

"I'm hoping not quite yet," Spencer said, looking at the picture of her and Toby on her desk with a silly smile.

"No, you got a bit before that, but here," she replied and dropped another folder on her desk. "Courtesy of Andrew, he asked me to drop that off since I was headed this way anyways."

Caroline went on her way and Spencer sighed. It was getting so old that they couldn't even talk cordially to one another. After all they did work together on the same cases and were a "damn good" team according to their boss.

She felt so bad for hurting him, but she had tried to do it in the nicest way possible.

_"I'm sorry," she apologized quietly._

_Andrew nodded curtly from across the small table in the cafe._

_"I just- this is right. I'm sorry it took me so long to figure out. I never meant to hurt you or for you to get involved," she went on._

_"Why? I- you said he hurt you," he insisted._

_Spencer nodded. "He did. Really bad. But I love him; I'm still in love with him. And he was the one to hurt me, but he'll also be the one to fix me. This is what I need," she told him honestly. "You deserve to be more than someone's option, Andrew; you should be someone's first and only choice. It shouldn't even be a choice; it should be it you know? This just took me longer to figure out because he did hurt me and I was holding onto that pain to protect myself," she went on._

_He nodded silently, staring at his coffee._

_"Do you remember how you felt when we kissed in the park?" she questioned. There had to be a way she could explain this to him._

_"Uh, yeah," he coughed awkwardly. "It was fun, easy, like..." he trailed off. "I don't know it was," he stopped, trying to find the words._

_"Nice?" she filled in._

_"Yeah," he said with a nod. "It was nice, didn't you think it was nice?"_

_She nodded this time. "It was nice, but I don't want just nice, do you?" she countered. "When I kiss the man I am with I want sparks, butterflies, my breath taken away. Don't you want that?"_

_He shrugged. "I thought that..." he trailed off again._

_"You didn't feel that. You just said it yourself," she reminded him. "It's like, like we're a good match on paper, but when carried out it just doesn't fit," she tried to explain._

_"We could try. We are a good match," he agreed._

_Spencer shook her head. "I don't think you should really have to work on chemistry, Andrew. Other things you can work on, but that? I don't think so."_

_All of a sudden he stood, pulling green bills out of his pocket. "Yeah, okay," he mumbled._

_"Andrew, I'm sorry, I hope we can still be friends," she insisted._

_"I might need time. But you know what that's like, don't you?" he questioned and dropped the money for his coffee and walked away._

_Spencer sighed as he walked away. It was unfortunate that it took kissing Andrew (sober) to make her decision, but it did._

_He was never an option, she was just holding onto pain because she was scared. Andrew was safe, had promised he would never hurt her, and they were a good match on paper. But once she really kissed and it just felt nice she knew. It was Toby. It had always been Toby. And she needed to open up to him, let him heal her; let him love her in order for them to move on._

_So that was what she did. She just wished she didn't had to of hurt Andrew to do it, that part sucked._

In a fit of anger Spencer stood and made her way to Andrew's desk. "Is it really going to be like this?" she questioned.

He responded by holding up a finger as he finished writing something. "Hm?" he asked once he was done a few moments later.

"You can't even drop stuff at my desk?" she questioned him. "Is it so horrible to be in my presence that you can't even come to my desk?" she added on further.

"I'm a busy man, Spencer. Caroline was heading your way, why couldn't she just drop the stuff off?" he replied, looking rather bored and annoyed.

"Because we've hardly talked in two months and it's getting annoying. We can't even be friends anymore?" she wondered.

Andrew shrugged. "Maybe not. Were we ever really friends before?" he countered.

"You're serious? So that year or so we worked together, pulled all-nighters, and got lunches was just... you trying to get in my pants?" she asked, really angry now.

"It wasn't exactly like that, I mean-"

"No, it was, wasn't it?" she cut him off. "You knew I had a fucked up love life and were holding back until you thought I could like you. So when you saw me so torn you took your opening. How fucked up is that?"

"Oh, c'mon, Hastings," he said. "It wasn't really like that."

"It's Cavanaugh now, I'm married, remember?" she told him, flashing her wedding ring. "And it was exactly like that. You're pissed because you wasted a year getting into my pants, probably because I was a Hastings, only to have nothing to show of it," she insisted. "So you know what, Andrew, fuck you. Please have someone drop off all the stuff you need to get to me and I will do the same to you."

"Spencer-"

"Don't touch me," she ordered when he reached for her hand. "I can't believe I felt bad for hurting you when you were only upset because you never got to fuck me," she practically laughed. "Good to see your true colors. Tell Edgar I'm heading home early. I finished all my stuff for the day anyways and I don't have court until next week," she stated and stormed off.

She went straight home and knew Toby wasn't to be home for another few hours, but to her surprise he was there.

"Hello? Husband!" she called out, trying to look over the mountains of boxes.

They had decided to stay in her apartment until the house was done. It was bigger and the loft was a part of their past. It was a great part of their past, but they were older now and could make memories in more places. Plus, she'd spent too long stuck in the past.

"Wife!" she heard in response and went towards Hanna's old bedroom that had been transformed into Toby's makeshift work room. It had all the things he needed to sketch and design and more boxes of other things.

She was avoiding unpacking things. The new house would be done sooner rather than later even if Toby couldn't give her an official date yet.

"What are you doing home, Mr. Cavanaugh?" she questioned, looking through the mail as she leaned against the doorframe.

"Our house isn't my only project you know. I am designing other things," he responded smartly.

Spencer saw a letter addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Cavanaugh and her brow furrowed. Not because it was addressed to the both of them, but because it was from her parents. The same parents who she'd cut out of her life and only told them she got married through Jason. Both sides had been silent for more than two months and she liked it that way.

She opened it and found an invitation.

To her sister's engagement party. They hadn't had it yet and last she knew the wedding was to be next summer. Melissa had been beyond pissed when she found out her little sister had married before she did and the fact that it was to Toby hadn't helped any. It was the straw that broke the camel's back with her sister so they were no longer speaking either now.

It had been a nasty phone call that had ended in her hanging up and too close to tears for her liking.

No matter how much time passed her big sister would always have a hold on her it seemed. It was annoying because they were two separate people but hopefully now people could finally see that. Spencer thought with her heart while Melissa was all brains.

"Spencer? Hello?" Toby broke her from her thoughts. "You okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah, just reading, sorry," she said and hid the invitation under another envelope. "What were you saying?"

"I made you a present," he said, standing from his table.

Spencer put down the mail on a stray box and took the roll of paper from her husband. It was the layout of their house, both floors. "I thought you were working during lunch?" she questioned with a smile.

"I was, on a present for my wife," he responded, wrapping his arms around her from behind. "I spent all morning there. It is coming along. I think we can be moved in by Christmas if you get all this stuff picked out," he murmured and kissed her neck.

She put the paper down with the mail and turned in his arms. "Best Christmas present ever," she whispered before kissing him. "I can't wait to start our lives together."

"We already have," he assured her while rubbing their noses together.

"You know what I mean. In our house, with our things, not living in boxes, just finally building a real life together," she went on. "You know, real, married adults."

"Ooh, real adults? Sounds scary," he teased and she laughed before kissing him. "So no regrets?"

"Toby, baby," she began with her hand in his hair. "The only thing I am going to regret is killing you if you ask me that one more time. Then I am going to have to be my own defense and it will just cause this big ole mess," she insisted.

He grinned. "You'd win too, knowing you," he laughed.

"Damn right. I'd get you a nice headstone though. 'Tobias Brighton Cavanaugh - loving, yet annoying husband,'" she pretended to read.

"You should find someone to chisel me from my waist up on the side too, so everyone can know how ripped I was when I died," he suggested. "Oh, and on the back it should read 'the best sex I ever had.'"

"How about you just stop asking me if I regret anything and I won't have to plan a funeral or cry or go to court for it?" she countered with a smile.

"Fine," he agreed and kissed her again. "Only because I love knowing you're Spencer Jo Cavanaugh too," he whispered. "What are you doing home early by the way?" he asked a few moments later.

"I didn't have lunch with you so I got a bunch done. Motivation to get home to you really works in my favor," she told him. "But since we have time before dinner with Caleb and Hanna do you want to go to the store and get one of those books of paints and look at stuff and be ooey-gooey newlyweds? Or do you still have more work? If you do that's fine I can start laundry and-"

Toby cut her off with a kiss. "Sounds great. Just give me some time to finish this up and change?"

She nodded and left him to his work, plus she wanted to change to.

On her way to the bedroom she stopped and ripped up the invitation to Melissa's engagement party before throwing it in the trash.

If her parents couldn't call her and talk about her own wedding, ask he what was going on in her life, or even ask about her sister's engagement party in another way other than a formal invitation she didn't want to go.

They were poison to her life. They made her hate herself for a long time, always made her feel so inadequate and small... she didn't want or need them in her life. Not unless something significant changed and from that invitation it looked like nothing had. And nothing probably would for a long time.

But as she looked in the trash at the bits and pieces of her sister's engagement invitation she couldn't help but think about how lavish and spectacular that wedding would be. After all her sister did deserve the best, especially within Hastings standards. It was going to be the wedding of the year, while her wedding was small and intimate and completely last minute.

Then again she wouldn't have it any other way. Her wedding was about her love for Toby, nothing else, and that was how it was supposed to be.

_"Marry me," Spencer whispered, having an odd feeling of deja vu as they laid in bed. Toby didn't respond. "Toby," she urged, shaking him a little. He was awake she knew it._

_"Hm?" he questioned, opening his tired eyes._

_"I know you heard me," she insisted. "Why aren't you answering?"_

_He blinked. "I honestly thought I just- I don't know, didn't think it was real I guess," he said honestly. "What is this about, Spence? Forgiving me, trusting me again? I'm not going anywhere; we don't have to get married for you to be sure of that. There are other ways," he told her, linking their hands together._

_"It's not about that," she assured him. "It's about..." she trailed off. "You're right, it might be about trust, but not really, not all of it. I have forgiven you, but trust is harder to earn back. This isn't about that, it's about us, how we feel. I want to be married to you. We would be married right now if everything hadn't gotten so messed up," she reminded him._

_"Spence, we got back together three weeks ago! Don't you think that is a little crazy?" he questioned in a laugh._

_"You make me crazy," she said in a raspy, low voice. "In a good way."_

_"We would be married right now, but everything did get so messed up. Shouldn't we take time to get on completely stable ground before we make big decisions like this?" he asked. "I know we have practically lived together since we got back together, but getting married is different."_

_"It is," she agreed. "But I want it. I want to be your wife. And I think we are on some sort of stable ground. Ever since we got back together we've been talking and making love and- this feels right, Toby," she assured him._

_"I don't want to rush into things and mess everything up again," he told her. "I can't lose you again."_

_"You won't. You never will as long as we are open and honest with each other about everything important," she insisted. "Marry me. Please," she proposed again. "And I know you want to marry me too because you've kept my engagement ring on you one way or another since I gave it back."_

_He smiled. He should have known she would know that. "Spence, baby, I really want to marry you. I have kept that ring on me for that reason," he replied. "But I want to do it right." He stopped and let out a long breath. "How about we both think about it and talk about it in a few days with clear minds and maybe new feelings towards it?" he suggested._

_"Fine," she agreed. "But in a few days I will feel the same way I do now. I love you and I want to marry you."_

They'd married a week later at City Hall with all their friends there, Emily, Hanna, Aria, Jason, and Caleb. She bought a new, simple white dress and he wore a black suit. No flash, just love, and dinner with everyone after. It was just what they wanted. It wasn't about how big the ceremony could be or anything of the sort. They loved each other and they wanted to get married, it was a simple as that so they did it.

But as she got dressed she thought about how different her and her sister were once more. Her wedding was about love. Her sister's would be about the image they should project, how a Hastings should get married. It would be big and flashy and the amount her parents would spend made her sick to her stomach.

They'd probably even have to dip into the money Toby had given her father back to pay for it. And that made the feeling worse.

The money that ruined her wedding day all those years ago would make her sister's wedding day all that much more unforgettable.

And that didn't sit with her right.

-:-:-:-

She'd gone back and forth about this.

Was it the right thing to do? Did it really matter? Was this something she really had to do?

Every time it lead to the same answer. Yes.

It did matter. It was worth the trouble. It was something she had to do.

She walked into her father's office during her lunch after telling Toby she was on work overload. And she was. She shouldn't have even left to do this, but she had the guts now and so now it had to be done. Besides, Toby would find out later and he would understand. This was something she had to do herself.

"Hi Becky, is my dad free?" she questioned his secretary.

Becky, who had to be a hundred by now because she was eighty when she was a kid, looked surprised to see her. "Um, yes, Ms. Hastings, I think- I mean, Mrs. Cavanaugh, uh-"

Spencer had never seen Becky look so distraught. "Becky, you've called me Spencer since I was a kid," she reminded her. "You still can, just because I'm not on speaking terms with my parents doesn't change that," she insisted.

"I'm sorry, sweetie, you father is just so tense these days," Becky whispered and Spencer smiled.

She'd spent more time with Becky at work parties and other functions than she did with her parents when she was young. It was Becky who would remind her father when she had a game or some kind of recital. It was Becky who would cheer her up after Melissa had her near tears and she knew she couldn't cry because her parent's colleagues were around.

"You caught me off guard," Becky went on. "But go on in, honey, you catch him off guard. I'll say you just flew on right by me," she said with a wink.

Spencer smiled again. "Thanks, I do want to surprise him," she replied with a mischievous smirk and headed in.

Her father had a napkin tucked into his dress shirt as he ate some sort of salad she knew he hated. Her mother had him on a diet since his cholesterol had gotten dangerously high, plus he worked out more than usual. It probably annoyed him more than helped him, but sometimes he let her mother think she was winning something since he obviously was the one in control at home.

"Hello, Dad," she greeted politely and he choked a bit on a piece of lettuce. "We need to talk."

"Spencer," he coughed. "Wh-what are you doing here?" he questioned.

"Don't get up, this won't take long," she assured him. "I'm here for more business reasons anyways."

"Business reasons?" he asked, confused.

She nodded. "Yes. It's about the money you paid Toby to leave me, the money he gave you back, you know, that money," she began. She didn't let him respond before she started again. "I want it back."

"You want it back?" he questioned, standing up now.

She nodded again. "Yes. You gave Toby that money to leave me. Well, he did, he did leave me even though he came back," she answered. "After all the hell we went through we deserve that money and in the very least you could give that to us," she went on. "I mean, you are throwing Melissa an engagement party, wedding shower, you're going to pay for the wedding, and knowing you guys also give her the down payment for the house they want as a present, right?"

Peter cleared his throat and took the napkin out of his shirt, but said nothing.

"Well this is what you can give to me. You obviously can't give me your blessing, approval, or unconditional love as a parent, so money will have to do," she replied. "I guess this is the Hastings part of me coming out and I'm sure your proud of that, aren't you?" she wondered.

"Spencer, I-"

"Dad, I don't want to hear it," she cut him off. "I want the hundred grand back. After everything you've put us through you owe us that. I didn't come here for apologizes or fights. I came her for the money you paid Toby to leave me and I will get it," she stated.

Her dad was silent.

"Don't worry I don't want it in cash. I'll take a check."

* * *

**FINALLY OH MY GOD I AM SO SICK OF WRITING THIS CHAPTER.**

**But I also don't mind it...you would think after writing it so many times I'd hate it. **

**Tell me what you think! **  
**Do you like? Want to see anything before I end it?**  
**What do you think Toby will say about the money?**

**Review it!**

**- Kay**


	14. Chapter 14

**Thanks so much everyone! You're great!**

**The next chapter, the last chapter, is going to be an epilogue of sorts. **  
**So no, there will be no sequel, but I am writing another story right after this. I am still thinking of names for that one.**

**This chapter is going to seem a bit choppy because it's full of random scenes (that have meaning), time jumps, and cuteness, but this is just my way of wrapping everything up.  
I hope you don't mind. **

**Here is chapter 14! **  
**(My favorite number hah)**

* * *

"I already picked out a shade of blue for in the bedroom," Spencer stated as her and Hanna were sitting amongst multiple color pallets, tile and carpet samples, and pictures of furniture she and Toby were considering for the house.

It was already at that stage and Spencer couldn't wait to get in there and watch it all come together.

"I like that shade," the blonde commented and nodded confidently. "This is so exciting! You're moving into a big, husband-built house soon. I just got engaged. Aria is dating Jason. Emily is re-connecting with Paige. We're all, like, growing up and becoming well-rounded people," she cooed, starting at her engagement ring some more.

Caleb finally proposed with the perfect ring for Hanna, a big, yet tasteful diamond. Hanna uses her left hand for everything now even though she's a righty. Right now he's in California seeing his mom, but he calls practically every hour to talk mushy with her.

"I know, you would think we were all well-raised," Spencer joked with a laugh.

"Well, for the most part they wouldn't be wrong. Except for you know, your abandonment issues, my daddy issues, Caleb's trust _and_ abandonment issues, Toby's self- everything issues, Jason's substance abuse and I think that's it," she listed off and Spencer laughed. "Aria and Emily really lucked out there."

"Um, Aria's dad cheated and Emily's mom had trouble accepting she was a lesbian, remember?" Spencer reminded her.

Hanna waved it off. "Emily's mom got over that real quick and is the bomb. And Aria's parents separated, got back together, divorced, Ella almost married someone else, and then they got back together and married again," she countered in a long breath.

"And pregnant," Spencer added on with a nod. "Have you seen Melody lately? She's frickin' adorable, wants to be just like Aria, is half in love with my brother, so cute," she said with a smile.

"She's what, almost seven now?" Hanna asked and Spencer nodded. "Oh no, are you gonna catch baby fever or something?" she questioned a moment later.

Spencer shrugged. "I don't know, maybe in a few weeks once we are moved into the house and settled down. Why not?"

"Because you have to be in my wedding, you're a bridesmaid! I can't have you getting pregnant screwing it all up!" she insisted.

"How about we talk about that once you set the date?" Spencer replied and Hanna seemed to accept this right as the front door opened. "Husband!" she greeted happily before jumping up and running for Toby.

They were 'babysitting' Hanna tonight because ever since Caleb left two days ago she'd been lonely and annoying all on her own. So they decided to order out and have Toby grab it on the way home from work to eat and watch some movies or do whatever together. Anything to keep Hanna from calling and texting her every twenty minutes to whine about how much she missed Caleb.

Toby put the bags of food down on the counter just before Spencer attacked him with a hug. "Hey," he chuckled, catching her just in time.

"Hey Toby!" Hanna called from the floor, her phone next to her ear. Must be time for another lovey-dovey talk with Caleb.

"Hi, Han," he responded, but she was already making kissy faces. "Can I talk to you in the bedroom for a sec?" he asked Spencer, pulling on her hand already.

Spencer shrugged and followed. After work Toby tended to change out of the dress shirt and that wasn't a sight she minded seeing. "What's up? Or did you want to have some fun while she tries to kiss Caleb through the phone?" she asked in a laugh, plopping down on the bed as she did.

"No, I wanted to talk to you," Toby answered, already undoing the buttons on his shirt. "I stopped by the ATM today to get money out for the food and got a receipt of our accounts with it," he went on.

Spencer immediately stood up. "Okay, I was going to tell you about that, but-"

"What the hell, Spencer?" he cut her off. "Why would you ask you dad for a hundred thousand dollars?" he questioned, his shirt now off. He crossed his arms, shirtless, and stared at her.

"I didn't ask him for it!" she insisted. "I more of demanded it really," she corrected.

"Spencer, why?" he asked. "I thought we didn't want anything from your parents? We were doing this on our own, building a house, making a life together-"

"We are!" she exclaimed. "But I just- we got an invitation to my sister's engagement party a few weeks ago and I ripped it up because I didn't want to go and it got me to thinking," she told him. "They are going to spend so much money on my sister and it's wrong! I didn't get anything from them, not their approval, or-or a wedding or a house, everything my sister is going to get. Hell, I barely felt like I got their love growing up."

"Is that what this is about? Your sister and how she gets what she wants?" he questioned, his expression softening.

"Can you please put a shirt on, it is so hard to fight with you like that," she replied in a sigh. She thought she saw a half smile before Toby grabbed a white t-shirt and threw it on. "Thank you, now-"

"Hey, so I can totally hear you fighting," Hanna broke in, opening the door. "Not that I care, but I kind of feel like the kid out here listening in. Totally weird. Anyways, am I allowed to break into this food or should I wait until you kiss and make up?" she asked.

"Yeah, go ahead," Spencer answered and Hanna left, closing the door behind her.

"Do you want a real wedding? Is that what this is about?" Toby began again, now standing right in front of her. "We can have another one once the house is done if you want."

"No!" Spencer denied. "We did have a real wedding! That was our wedding and I don't want another one. It was perfect to me, okay?" she assured him. "It was about- ugh, I don't know! My dad gave you that money to leave me and you did-"

"Yeah, so why do you want it? I certainly didn't, that's why I gave it back," he reminded her. "It's tainted."

"We went through hell because of my parents," Spencer told him. "And I am not sorry that I cut them out of my life, it was the right decision, I know it was," she went on. "But I just felt like we deserved it or it was the least they owed us. They ruined everything and it should cost them something. And obviously losing a daughter wasn't enough because they have another one they are planning a wedding for, will get grandchildren from, and will do whatever else they want or ask. So I took what is next closest to my father's heart, money."

"Spence," Toby softened completely, taking her hands in his.

"I am never going to be Melissa and you're never going to be a British doctor who went to Oxford and was on the rowing team or whatever the hell he's done that they adore about him," she continued. "And I would never change that, I love you, I love you more than anything in this world, but I just- I didn't want to be the bigger person so I took the money. And I debated putting that money into the bank for, like, a month because I am used to being above them and being the bigger person but I just- I did it yesterday and I should have told you, but,"

Toby cut her off with a kiss. "Stop," he murmured. "If this was something you felt you needed to do for all the reasons you just rambled on about," he said softly. "Then it's enough for me."

Spencer smiled. "Thank you," she whispered. "Besides, that extra hundred grand could speed along the interior designing, help with the mortgage, furnishing it," she reminded him. "It could help out a lot. Maybe even," she went on. "A nursery or something."

"Are you trying to tell me something?" he asked with a smile and a raised eyebrow.

"I'm trying to open the doors of communication about something, yes," she agreed. "If you are willing to op-"

"Open the doors of communication? Yeah, I think I am," he admitted, pulling her into his arms.

She smiled. "Really?"

"But we should probably do it when Hanna isn't eating and listening in on the other side of the door," he suggested.

She nodded. "Yeah, good idea."

-:-:-:-

"How about this one?" Toby asked, practically throwing himself onto the bed.

Spencer smiled at him and his childishness. "I don't think the employees are too happy about you jumping on every single bed in the store like that," she insisted, trying to remain serious.

"How else are you supposed to test them out? Besides, they don't have blankets on them some come here," he replied, yanking on her hand until she toppled on top of him with a shriek. "What do you think of this one?" he repeated, letting her lay half on top of him like they did when going to sleep in their own bed.

"I'd like it better with a real pillow," she joked and he chuckled. "Isn't it a bit big? It's a king, right? I think I'd have to roll over like four times to reach you," she said, looking up at him from his shoulder.

"I'm thinking for the future, babe," he responded. "A good bed can last like, what, thirty, forty years?" he began. "So we get a king and we sleep in the middle, snuggling of course, and once we start making babies they join the bed when they have bad dreams or are sick, whatever. We will need more room for that. And family movie night in Mom and Dad's room. There will be plenty of room on the bed for us, the kids, food, whatever," he finished.

Spencer smiled. "Family movie night?" she questioned.

"Yeah. I have got to teach my kids what a good, quality movie is," he told her. "And for when our daughter gets a broken heart, God forbid, you can watch sappy Nicholas Sparks movies on it so she can cry. Then when I can come home we can watch _The Notebook_ and all have a good cry together," he joked.

Spencer laughed and sat up to kiss him. "I want this bed. Because of all the things you just said," she whispered. "So, how many people will be attending family movie night?" she asked as they got off.

Toby shrugged. "I don't know, maybe four or five of us all together," he answered. "How many do you want there?"

Spencer pressed herself against him as he motioned for a salesperson to come over. "Four or five of us sounds good."

"Good," he said before an employee finally approached them, ready to sell them the bed they'd have four or five of them curled up in, watching movies and being a real family, the kind of family neither of them had growing up.

He'd become a lot more sure of himself, Spencer noticed. Ever since he came back he'd been different, but since they'd gotten married especially.

He was flourishing. He had a job he loved, one he did very well, he was building their home, a dream he'd had for years, and he had her. It was like he finally saw in himself what she'd seen when she was seventeen.

So in moments like this when he was confident and carefree she couldn't help but watch him, even if it was him just talking to a salesman about the bed they were going to buy or the even the toilet (oddly enough). It made her smile because he was happy, truly happy, and so was she.

"Alright, so we picked out the bed, the toilets, tub, shower door, you are handling the carpet, tiles, and wall colors because I don't care," Toby went through the list on his phone.

"And we don't have to worry about the dining room table because you're making one right?" Spencer questioned, sipping on her frap casually.

Toby stopped and since her free arm was looped through his she came to a stop too. "What do you know?" he asked his eyes suspicious.

"I know you," she answered easily. "You probably already have it close to done because you started it back in New York," she teased and his head dropped. "You do, don't you! Can I see it?" she questioned excitedly. "Please tell me your grandfather helped you with it too."

Toby nodded as he lifted his head. "Yeah, he did," he said softly and sat down on a bench with her. "It was a few months after I moved in with him. He said I needed something to put my anger into so we started a few projects together. At first it was stupid things, birdhouses, a new stool for the kitchen, you know?" he explained and she nodded. "Then I had the idea in my head so we did it together. And during all this work he would get me to talk about it all, you, my mom, your dad, all my regrets," he went on. "And we did it. I just have to put the finishing on it and it's done. Chairs too."

"Can I see it or is going to be like when the house is done and I can't see it until then?" she asked, rubbing the back of his head.

"You can see it. It's in a storage space I have with some other things I want to go in the house, stuff from my grandparents. You know, their wedding china, old family photos, stuff from my mom like her old yearbooks and high school diploma, and I don't know stuff like that," he went on.

Spencer took his chin in her hands and kissed him on the lips. "You are the best man in the whole world, you know that?" she questioned softly. "You deserved so much more than what you grew up with baby."

"I have you now, that's what matters," he responded with their noses brushing together. "I'd go through worse than what I have just to get here."

"No," Spencer murmured. "We've been through enough," she stated and kissed him again.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tight. She breathed him in and felt him nuzzle her neck. Her eyes opened as she smiled, but then her heart stopped.

Jenna.

Of course, Spencer had barely seen her in over a year, but when she was with Toby there she was.

Her dark sunglasses were on her face as they always were, no one was with her, but a new Seeing Eye dog was, the stick nowhere to be seen and she was walking in their direction.

Spencer pulled away. "Do me a favor," she whispered and he nodded. "Don't say anything, just kiss me for the next two minutes," she said and he shrugged before kissing her, trusting her, or just simply not thinking it was weird she asked him to kiss her for a set amount of time.

She kept her eyes open a bit as they kissed and watched as Jenna passed completely unaware they were there, but more importantly that Toby was.

"Let's go," Spencer said when they parted and pulled him until he was standing up.

"What was that about?" he asked, laughing a little.

"I'll tell you in the car, come on," she urged, pulling towards the exit of the mall. "We have to look at furniture, remember? There is that great furniture warehouse five minutes from here," she went on, leading him away quickly.

When they reached the car Toby stopped her. "She was in there, wasn't she?" he questioned softly, linking both of their hands together. "You didn't want her to hear my voice so she'd stop so you made me kiss you."

Spencer nodded. "Well I had other reasons to kiss you," she muttered. "I just- It's been ten years but that still affects you, understandably so, so if I could get you out of there and you didn't have to look at her I was going to do it," she stated.

"My dad told her we got married," Toby admitted.

"Is that why she is back?"

"I don't know. You know me and my dad; we don't talk much, and when we do its big news. I moved to New York, Grandpa died, I'm home, I got married to Spencer," he listed off with a shrug. "All he told me was that she came back to visit her mom from time to time, but spent most of her time working at that school for the blind in Phili," he explained.

Spencer nodded for them to get in the car and he agreed with a sigh before going around to open the door for her.

"Baby, I hate to say this, and I don't know who hates it more, you or me, but there is always going to be a part of her that is in love with you," Spencer spoke up as he started the car.

He leaned back in his seat and shifted into reverse. "Yeah, I know."

"Hey, stop," Spencer mumbled, pushing the gear into park again. "Look at me," she urged and when he did she cupped his cheek. "That part of your life is behind you and if I had any say in it you would never have to look at or talk to her again. If we have to spend the rest of our lives avoiding her in public I am honestly fine what that," she told him. "She can't hurt you anymore."

"She hasn't been able to hurt me since we finally made love," Toby replied easily and rested his hand on hers. "But if I never saw or spoke to her again I'd be perfectly fine with that, better actually," he went on.

"Then it looks like I have a mission of sorts," Spencer said with wagging eyebrows.

Toby chuckled before leaning in to kiss her. "Thank you, for not letting me see her," he murmured.

"Anytime, hubs, now don't we have furniture to pick out?"

-:-:-:-

The amount of small details that went into furnishing a house was both fun and annoying to Spencer.

Just when she thought she was done with a room there was something she forgot, but when she finished designing and organizing and perfecting it and it was actually done she loved the feeling.

Life must be tough for an interior designer, but it was now something that interested her. According to Hanna she had a knack for it even if it did make her want to rip her hair out.

All the wall colors had been picked out, the carpeting, hardwoods, floor, bathroom and kitchen tiles, bedroom necessities, furniture for the formal and normal living rooms, Toby finished the dining room set, and they'd shopped for dishes and silverware...

Spencer ran through the checklist in her mind.

Ceiling fans, light fixtures, curtains, rugs, lamps, blinds, all of this was crap she didn't remember went into a house until the past few weeks. It was killing her slowly.

Even seeing it all there, in the home, it felt like something was missing.

They officially moved in that day. But in their true fashion they didn't want help from any family or friends; it was something they had to do together. With the movers.

Spencer wanted everything perfect before everyone came over the next day, their grand opening if you will.

The whole day Spencer wanted to rip her hair out. This goes here, that goes there, never mind Toby move it to that room (because asking the movers to do it again seemed ridiculous). There was organizing everything in the kitchen, the dining room, the living room(s), the bedroom, and the bathrooms. It seemed as soon as she got one thing done there were a million other things waiting for her.

Her favorite room was their bedroom. It was the turret and had its own walk-in closet and bathroom with a tub and shower. It was in the middle-front of the house and had small steps leading up to it from the bedroom door and she was in love with it.

At the end she was so exhausted it was the first night they didn't make love before bed since they got married (when she didn't have her period).

They collapsed on their new king-sized bed, bundled into their new blankets, and went to sleep. Toby was probably snoring before his head hit the pillow.

She was exhausted, but someone she found herself awake at four am after only getting a few hours of sleep, tip-toeing around her new house.

It was like a dream. Everything was done. They were moved in. This was their home now. They'd done it. Toby designed it and built it. She decorated it and brought it all together.

There was a funny feeling in her stomach, a kind of fuzzy, weightless feeling that made her extremities tingle. Utter and complete happiness. That is what the feeling had to be.

The light turned on above her and she jumped.

"You can continue to creep around, I just need water," Toby said in a deep, sleepy voice, clad in only pajama pants.

He said it so nonchalantly it made Spencer smile so wide she thought her face would break. He knew her so well. She didn't even really know why she was moving around their house at night, but Toby probably would if she asked even though she didn't bother to.

"Are you coming back to bed, babe?" he questioned a glass of water in his hand, his other hovering over the light switch.

"It's surreal," she replied, looking around their kitchen that was painted a soft yellow with brown marble counter tops and flooring. "This is the kitchen you made, I decorated, it's real," she went on.

Toby put down his water and nodded. "Yeah it is."

"It's here, we did it, we're married," she listed off, looking around. It was like the whirlwind of the past couple months was hitting the logical side of her. She took Toby back, got married mere weeks later, moved in together and made a house. And yesterday they moved in to it. "This is..."

"Everything we wanted," her husband filled in as he walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her middle. She was wearing nothing but underwear and one of his shirts as she did most nights. "The house, everything in it, it's ours."

She shook her head. "It's not even the house. Well, it is but," she stopped. "We're married," she stated. "A year ago I was... just going through the motions and now I have you, you're my husband, and I," she didn't know how to finish.

"Yeah?" Toby mumbled, brushing their noses together.

"I'm happy. I never knew I could feel this happy," she admitted softly.

"I'm glad. I'm happy too," he replied.

"I- Toby," she began a moment later. "Last week I went to the doctor's remember?" she asked and he nodded worriedly. "It wasn't just a check-up, I didn't go to that doctor," she went on. "I got my birth control removed."

His eyes went from worry to relief in a second. "Why didn't you tell me?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I just- we talked about starting to try once we finished the house and we're finished."

"You really want to have my baby?" he asked in a voice full of awe. It was like sometimes he still saw himself as that eighteen year old that everyone stared at as he walked down the halls, whispering that he pulled the heads off squirrels and had a mother that killed herself for reasons that were untrue.

Spencer smiled and nodded. "Yes. I do, I want a baby," she assured him. "I want your baby."

Quickly Toby reached down and picked her up, causing her to squeal. "We better get started then," he insisted.

"Toby! Everyone is coming over tomorrow, er today," she reminded him as he carried her up the steps to the second floor and then up a few more once they reached the bedroom door.

"We're young, we can handle it," he replied confidently before dropping her on the bed.

-:-

"If I tried to pay you a thousand bucks to stop smiling you'd..." her brother trailed off.

"I'd say up the ante and maybe," Spencer answered in a laugh.

Jason wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "You're happy, truly happy, huh?"

Spencer nodded. "Yeah," she said, her smile staying wide. "I don't know how it was so easy for me to forgive him and move on, but it was," she went on. "It was like- deciding to forgive him was the hardest part, to put myself out there again, you know?"

"If you're happy I'm happy," he replied.

"And accept him? He worries about that, you know," Spencer insisted.

Jason rolled his head dramatically before nodding. "I do, because I see how you are together—again—and know how hard our dad can be. I can only imagine the argument he made in order to get Toby to leave. It might take some time for me to call him a brother with no qualms, but I know it will come," he told her.

Spencer hugged his side. "Thank you. It means a lot to me and him. He knows how important you are to me."

Jason kept her against his side. "Good."

"We're trying for a baby," she admitted softly and he immediately looked down at her. "You ready to be Uncle JJ? Because that is what our kids are going to call you," she stated.

"I- wow. That's amazing, SJ!" he exclaimed. "How long now?"

"About a day," she answered easily.

"Ew, that means you've done it like, ew," he replied, taking his arm away from her shoulders with a shudder. "Little sister."

"Sorry, but yes, I am married now so I figured it was time I let you know I am, in fact, doing _it,_" she said.

Jason smiled and took another sip of his water as they watched their friends interact together in the living room. "I've decided to sell the house," he announced a moment later.

Spencer turned to look at him. "What? Your parent's house?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I figured it's time. I can never live there and I'm moving on with my life," he went on as he cast a look over at Aria who was already staring at him. "I should move on with all areas, don't you think?" he asked rhetorically, still smiling his girlfriend. "I think I want to get my own place, not a forever house like this, but a small place for myself for now."

"Just for yourself, huh?" she asked with a jab to the ribs.

"Shut up," he mumbled into his cup.

"I'm really happy for you, JJ. You've been practically in love with Aria since we were sixteen. I mean, you had your issues, then had to watch her with Ezra, then wait for her to pull herself back together and notice you. I could not do that," Spencer commented.

"You didn't have to. Toby only ever saw you," Jason reminded her. "But, things happen for a reason and as long as I have her now I am holding on to her."

"Good. You both deserve it," she assured him.

"Do you think you can help me go through the house? All of you. I am probably going to give most things away and keep some mementos, but I am sure you guys want some stuff from Ali too," he asked quietly.

His other little sister will probably always be a sore spot for him, the sister he was never able to grow into friends with like he was with Spencer, the little sister he fought with constantly because they lived together. He hated not being able to be close with her as they got older.

"Of course, JJ," Spencer whispered. "We all will. I do want some stuff from Ali. Besides, I am ninety percent sure she still has my Nsync CD," she teased to lighten the mood and he laughed. "How are things at home?" she asked timidly, looking over at him.

He sighed. "Weird. Your mom misses you; Peter is Peter, never showing emotion. Melissa is buried under wedding stuff and Wren just nods along to whatever she is saying," he told her.

"Smart man," Spencer commented.

"That he is," Jason agreed. "It's been weirder ever since I told them I was moving out and selling the house. Now Veronica is worried about the side of the house looking nice for new neighbors," he added on.

"That's my mom," Spencer replied dryly. "I mean, why would she ask about your feelings towards selling the house?" she muttered under her breath.

"I'm proud of you, for walking away and not swaying on your feelings," Jason mentioned. "I never told you that. You're the only reason I had any sense of family after the accident. You kept me in the house for a while, then made the barn a home for me, it meant a lot. Without you I am sure all that shit I went through would have been so much worse."

"Thanks, but you're my brother, of course I did that stuff for you," she replied.

"Hey guys, come join the party!" Hanna called, having enough of the brother-sister conversation and probably wanted to talk about her own wedding she was already planning.

Jason pushed off the wall and lead Spencer back over to the group. Rather than take a seat Spencer simply sat down in Toby's lap on the arm chair.

"So did you hear any weird noises last night?" Hanna questioned. "Whenever I move into a new place or even spend a night alone I always hear everything and think someone is coming to murder me with an ax."

Toby chuckled. "No, we pretty much passed out once we got everything in the house and mostly organized," he answered.

"Yeah, I'm sure that is all you did," Aria commented with a grin.

Spencer smirked back. "There may have been a time we both happened to wake up in the middle of the night..." she said and Jason made a face of disgust while everyone else whooped and hollered. She looked down at Toby who seemed to be reading her thoughts and nodded. "Plus, uh, guys, we're trying to have a baby."

"What?" everyone seemed to say at once, but excitedly.

"That is so great you guys," Paige said from next to Emily. They are getting to know each other again and are dating, but have yet to label anything. Whatever works for them and keeps Emily happy.

"But what about the wedding? You're going to be a bridesmaid!" Hanna exclaimed.

Spencer rolled her eyed. Only Hanna. "Let's wait until you set a date and see if I get pregnant soon," she insisted. "We can go from there."

"Oh, you'll get pregnant. You said yourself you probably ovulate like a slot machine around him," Hanna mumbled and everyone laughed while Spencer glared. "What? Look at him!" she defended herself.

Toby nodded. "It's a gift really, with all women," he agreed happily.

"Oh, all women, eh?" Spencer asked in a wifely tone.

"You're a lot of woman," he replied quickly, saving himself.

She leaned down and kissed him. "Nice one."

"I get godmother right?" Emily spoke up.

"WHAT?"

"Hey!"

Both Aria and Hanna interjected at the same time.

"That is so not fair to just call like that," Hanna stated while Aria nodded.

"Yeah, it should be like a couple thing, and Jason should be the godfather which clearly makes me the godmother," Aria said. Jason grinned from next to her, probably at the thought that they would be together a year from now.

"That's bull; Caleb is like Toby's brother, therefore-"

"Hey!" Spencer laughed. "We're not even pregnant yet. Give us some time to decide which one of you we like the most," she joked.

"I was gonna say Emily can have it," Toby said with a shrug. "We can do two godmothers for all I care. As long as this baby has all the love in this room I think everything will be okay," he said before any of the girls could respond. And once he said it they all "aw'ed."

Spencer looked around at all her friends who were now involved in naming their non-existent baby.

Toby was right.

As long as they had all the love in this room she didn't think she needed anything else. Except for a few more people for family movie night. Then she would be perfectly content.

* * *

**I think I'm done?  
I struggled with how to end this for a while, but then Toby's line just came out and this seems perfect?**

**No, this story is not over. I still have an epilogue coming with babies and babies and adorableness.  
Look for it!**

**Let me know what you think!  
I think I tackled everything I wanted to with this chapter. Whew.**

**Review please!**

**-Kay **


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